


Sing a Song of Kingsman

by zebraljb



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Anal Sex, Break Up, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Reconciliation, Threesome - M/M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-17 22:46:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16105358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: Merlin and Eggsy have been together for three years before an accidental revelation brings Harry into their bed.  It all seems perfect, until it isn't.





	1. Careless Whisper

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying a bit of a new format with this, titling each chapter with a song name and quoting a line or two of the song. This is NOT a song fic. Also, the story is a bit choppy, not 100% linear as my usual stories. Some chapters will be much longer than others. Hopefully you still enjoy. Song name/artist will be in the end notes if you wish to know.
> 
> Also, this is a Merlin/Eggsy story at the heart of it all, although there is some M/H, H/E, and M/H/E woven in.

1 – CARELESS WHISPER  
_Time can never mend…the careless whisper of a good friend_

“I hate waiting.”

“A fact we are both well aware of,” Merlin says in Eggsy’s ear. “We’ve not just met you, lad.”

“I mean I really hate it. Like it’s the worst part of this job, bruv.” Eggsy fidgets a bit, folding his body into a better position. He’s curled up in small niche in a wall, gun carefully aimed out a broken window.

“Would it help if I told you how impressed I am that you’ve managed to fold yourself up like an accordion?” Harry says. “If I did that, I’d never unfold.”

“Don’t know about that, ‘arry, yer well fit fer yer age,” Eggsy says with a cocky grin.

“For my age?” Harry’s eyebrows go up into his hair as he watches out another window. 

“Sweet Jesus, Gawain, haven’t you learned by now that you don’t insult Galahad’s age?”

“I didn’t insult him! I said he was right fit for his age.”

“But why did you bring my age into it? I am “right fit” for any age, including yours. Just because I can’t bend myself like I’m made of clay doesn’t mean…”

“Calm down, Galahad. I don’t need my ears to bleed from another one of your vain rants,” Merlin snaps. 

“It’s unnatural. No one should be able to bend like that.” Harry shakes his head in disapproval. “It’s ungentlemanly.”

Eggsy buries a shout of laughter in his sleeve. “Oi, what tha fuck does bein’ bendy hafta do with bein’ a gentleman?” 

“I don’t know, but it should have something to do with it.”

“Well, all I gotta say is my boyfriend’s a pretty decent sort of gentleman, an’ he quite LIKES how bendy I am.”

“Really, Gawain, there is a time and place for such talk,” Merlin says sternly.

“Oh, really?” Harry smiles and winks at Eggsy. “Tell me more about this boyfriend of yours and what he likes in bed.”

“Kingsman comms are not the place for porn.”

“Says the man who watches honeypot missions on a regular basis,” Harry says. He looks out the window. “I can see them a few blocks away, Gawain. Be prepared.”

“Yes, Galahad.” Eggsy squints through his sight.

“I don’t watch them for fun, Galahad. I watch them because it’s my job.”

“Funny how your door is always locked when someone’s on one of those missions,” Harry says almost absently.

“Cute.”

“You two’s almost like an old married couple,” Eggsy says with a delighted grin.

“And this is why I prefer not to send the two of you out together on a mission,” Merlin grumbles. “You have far too good a time.”

“Galahad’s my best mate…always have a good time, don’t we, bruv?”

“We do…unless you keep calling me bruv.” Harry settles down and rests his gun on the windowsill. “On the end of the street.”

“Copy.” Eggsy cocks the gun and rests his head against the wall to steady it. “About my boyfriend, though…got one word for ya…stamina. Can go fer fuckin’ HOURS, couldn’t walk fer days afterwards.”

“Impressive. I’m quite envious.”

“Of him or me?” Eggsy tenses before taking the shot. A man goes down and people start to scream.

“Both of you.” Harry takes his shot and jumps to his feet. “Let’s go.”

“I hate you both,” Merlin says. “Extraction on the roof of the red building three streets down.”

“Copy that, Merlin.”

They disassemble the guns as they go, leaving pieces in predestined locations. They leave the building, turn the corner, and are greeted by something they didn’t expect. “Uh, Merlin? Didya know there was supposed ta be a parade today?”

“It’s not a parade.” Eggsy can hear Merlin slamming at the keys of his computer. “Student demonstration. Turn left instead of right, go three blocks, turn right.”

They start off at a jog, trying not to stand out. The day is warm, and Harry casually opens the buttons of his jacket as Eggsy pulls out his pocket square and wipes at his face. “Do ya think maybe evil could start considerin’ tha seasons? Maybe we could go assassinate someone in tha autumn next time?”

“I’m sure that’s high on their list of priorities, Gawain,” Merlin says with a chuckle. 

A thunder of sound echoes from a nearby dumpster and they whirl around. Unfortunately they’d stood out a bit more than they’d hoped; two men are running down the street. Eggsy fires a shot over his shoulder but misses, and they begin to run. “Turn right turn right,” Harry snaps.

“I heard ‘im, too, Galahad, not fuckin’ deaf,” Eggsy snaps. 

“Red building just ahead,” Harry says. “Merlin, that extraction…”

“Fifteen minutes out,” Merlin says.

“Lovely.” Harry reaches the building before Eggsy, turns and shoots. He hits the building just next to one of the men and a piece of mortar chips off. The man yells and grabs at his face, firing three times in his fury. Harry shoves Eggsy to the side, yelps and grabs at his stomach, slamming back against the brick building.

“Jesus fuck!” Eggsy doesn’t look but fires two shots. Both men go down. He drags Harry into the abandoned building before anyone else comes along. “C’mon, Galahad, up we go.” He practically drags Harry up the stairs. “How many fuckin’ flights of stairs to tha roof, Merlin?”

“Eight,” Merlin says unhappily.

“Course there are.” He puts an arm around Harry’s waist. “Galahad’s been hit, will assess his injuries on tha roof.” He continues up the stairs, slowing down a bit as he realizes Harry’s barely conscious. “Hit his head pretty good on tha front of tha building.”

“Of course he did. Couldn’t just get a bullet wound like everyone else,” Merlin says, but Eggsy can hear the concern in his voice. 

“Left right left right, Galahad, that’s a good man,” Eggsy says. He’s starting to pant from the labor of carrying a much taller man up eight flights of stairs, but adrenaline helps him reach the roof. He bursts through a door and leans Harry against the closest ventilation shaft. “Oh, fuck.” He looks down at the bloody mess at Harry’s side. 

“I see, Gawain. Why was his jacket unbuttoned? He should have…”

“It’s a million fuckin’ degrees, that’s why, Merlin,” Eggsy almost yells. “An’ he…he shoved me outta tha way.” Eggsy yanks off his own jacket and then quickly removes his shirt. He balls the shirt up and presses it against Harry’s side. “How ya doin’, ‘arry?” He forgets to use Harry’s codename and he doesn’t care. 

“Hurts a bit,” Harry groans. His eyes flutter shut. Eggsy shakes him a bit, slapping gently at his cheek, and he opens them again. “Lee?”

“No, that’s my da, ‘arry,” Eggsy says gently.

“Lee…thought you died.”

“Harry…”

“Leave it, lad,” Merlin says quietly.

“So glad…was so angry with you for jumping in,” Harry murmurs. He grabs wildly and Eggsy takes his hand. “Never said thank you.”

“I’m sure thanks aren’t necessary,” Eggsy says sadly.

“Forgive me, Lee.” Harry reaches up and pats Eggsy’s cheek.

“Course,” Eggsy barely manages. Harry’s grown pale, and the shirt is starting to turn red. “Merlin…extraction.”

“Five minutes.”

“Lancelot died, Lee…so sorry. You saved him and he died. You saved me…and look what a mess I’ve become.” Harry grins tiredly. “Saved Merlin…he’s amazing.”

“That he is,” Eggsy whispers, holding Harry a bit tighter as he shivers.

“He was…was the one that got away,” Harry whispers and Eggsy freezes. He hears Merlin gasp in his ear. “Had my chance…was perfect…let it go. So many nights together and I never said it was more than that.”

“Don’t matter now, does it, ‘arry?” Eggsy says finally. He hears the whirl of chopper blades and looks to the sky.

 

Eggsy wearily plods down the hall to Merlin’s office, clad in his suit jacket with no shirt, tie safely in his pocket. He knocks on the door and it’s thrown open. “Oh, God, Eggsy.” Merlin yanks him into the room and slams the door. “Oh my God, what happened?” Merlin yells as he stares at the large patch of blood on the right side of Eggsy’s jacket.

“M’fine. Not hurt, Merlin, it’s from when I were helpin’ ‘arry up tha steps.” Eggsy peels the jacket off and lets it fall to the floor. “See?”

“Thank God.” Merlin wraps himself around Eggsy and he briefly allows the embrace. “My love.” Merlin kisses him tenderly. “We’ve been together three years and watching you in the field like that never gets any easier.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t.” Eggsy pushes Merlin away a bit, and Merlin gives him an odd look. “I have a question.”

“All right.” Merlin looks worried.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me you an’ ‘arry was a thing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Careless Whisper - Wham!


	2. Angel Eyes

_Well, I’m the guy who never learned to dance/Never even got one second glance_

 

Merlin’s been loved in his life, but he’s always felt that people loved him because they had to, not because they really wanted to. His parents loved him, of course…he was the middle child of five, a brother and sister above and below him. The two above were beautiful, the kind of children (and adults) that people turned around to look at on the street. The sister below was born sickly, and his mother’s attention went mostly to her. The baby brother, of course, was simply that…the baby. Everyone doled on him and adored him. The middle step in the staircase simply existed.

He was fed, he was clothed, he was never neglected, but the love given to him in his family was very matter of fact. It didn’t hurt anyone much when he decided to go to school far away in Edinburgh. There he excelled. He might not have been the prettiest or the cutest or the neediest, but he was by far the smartest. Unfortunately that didn’t go far in his barely middle class family.

When Merlin was fifteen, he went and saw the witch that lived at the far end of town. He wasn’t sure he believed in witches, but everyone said she was a witch. She lived alone in a towering house that seemed to breathe on its own. He went there partially as a dare; he had no close friends at school and anytime boys his own age showed him attention he took it, however it came. This time it came as a dare. No one believed that quiet bookish Calum Macnair would actually go knock on her door.

Merlin knocked and hoped he wouldn’t wet himself. That would be the final nail in his social coffin. The door opened and he realized he was holding his breath. The woman on the other side couldn’t possibly be the witch. She was old, true, but her grey hair was in a neat bun above her head, and she wore a very pretty purple dress. “May I help you, son?”

“I…well…” He looked over his shoulder at the crowd in front of her gate.

“Ah.” She looked at him and winked. “You never should have come here!” She suddenly screamed. He jumped and the boys on the street yelled. “Say goodbye to your friends, laddie, for you won’t be seeing them again.” She grabbed him by the arm but didn’t hurt him. It looked like she yanked him inside but it was really only a guiding hand. The door shut behind him and he gaped up at her. “A dare, then?” He slowly nodded. “To knock on the door of the witch?”

He quickly swiped his hat from his head. “So sorry, ma’am, didn’t mean to disturb you. It was just…”

“It was a time to belong, aye?” He nodded again. “Would you like some tea, Mr. Macnair?”

“Yes, thank you, if it isn’t…” His eyes widened. “How do you know my name?”

“Witch,” she reminded him with another wink. “Come into the kitchen.” The room was sunshiny and warm, and he thankfully sat down on a chair. “Made these biscuits this morning, help yourself.” 

“Thank you, ma’am.” He bit into a biscuit and moaned. It practically melted in his mouth. 

“Might not be a witch, but I can do some magic in the kitchen.” She puttered about making tea and poured his cup before sitting down as well. “I know your parents. Godly folk, although they might pay better attention to their children.” He shrugged and blushed a bit. “Hard being the middle child, isn’t it? I’m the middle as well, one up and one down. I was always the odd one out, and now I live alone in a big house without a husband. Needless to say people think I’m strange.” Merlin almost dropped his teacup. Is this what life has in store for him? “Don’t fret, Mr. Macnair. There are great things in your future, and you will earn them all. You’re smart, you’re strong, you’re determined. You will be the best of them all, and people will bow to your orders. They will listen to you, they will let you lead them, and you will bring them home safe.”

“Are…are you sure you’re not a witch, ma’am?” He whispered.

“I’m sure. But I do have the gift of sight. And I see many things for you.” She gently took his hand between her own. “I know that you heart does not look in the direction you think it should.” He turned crimson. He’s told no one about the way he looks at other boys in his class. “You’ll hurt for a long time, feel that no one can love you for all that you are, because you will think it’s not enough. Someone will love you back, but realize it too late. But you will find the greatest love imaginable in the last place you plan to look.” He opened his mouth to ask the question that really matters. He doesn’t care much about the love part. “And yes, you’ll have enough money that you will never worry about a meal. You’ll be comfortable for the rest of your days. Eventually.” She removed her hands and picked up her cup. “You’ll come out on top, Mr. Macnair.”

She sent him away telling him he could make up any scary story he liked about her, except about her biscuits. She wouldn’t allow lies to be told about those. So he went into school the next day and showed them the scars the witch had left on his arms. They were really from a tumble down the stairs when he was six, but they didn’t need to know that. He showed a patch where his hair had gone white with fear (bleach), and they looked at him with a little more respect. Which didn’t last long, of course. But he always thought of her fondly when he walked past her house, and when he graduated from school he received a small tin of biscuits with a wad of cash tucked inside. He knew who it was from.

 

As he grew older, he worried less about money and more about her other premonition. It sounded like love was going to be terribly painful, if he found it at all, so he decided to avoid it at all costs. He had sex with one girl while at university, and it was the most uncomfortable experience he’d ever had. He had sex with one man not long after he graduated from university, and it only left him wanting more.

He got a degree in electrical engineering with a secondary degree in mathematics, and realized he didn’t know what to do with his life. He took a job with a small engineering firm, working diligently at his projects while helping manage their books at the same time. He ran every morning, boxed every evening, and finally used both skills when he watched a man steal an old woman’s purse on the street. She had her hair in a bun and wore a purple dress, and that was all it took. He chased the man down, actually stepped on his back, and flipped him over by his ankle before mercilessly pummeling him into the ground. He grabbed the purse as he heard sirens approaching and found the woman. He pressed it into her hands and walked away before she could say anything.

“That was bloody spectacular!” A voice said behind him.

“Anyone would have done the same,” Merlin said. “Have a nice evening.”

“I have a job offer for you, if you’re interested.”

Merlin didn’t stop walking. “I have a job.”

“As an entry level engineer working ridiculous hours.”

Merlin stopped walking and turned around. “How…”

The tall man with kind green eyes smiled at him. “I see your identification badge. I’m offering a chance to save the world. In a way you never imagined.”

“I have quite the imagination.”

“I hope you do.” The man held out his hand. “My name is Lamorak.”

And Merlin was introduced to Kingsman.

 

He makes it most of the way through the training, but it’s obvious that being a field agent isn’t in the cards for him. He sighs as Lamorak calls him into Arthur’s office. “I’m sorry I let you down, sir.”

“You haven’t let anyone down, young man.” Lamorak smiles and Merlin’s stomach twitches a bit. His mentor is one of the most beautiful men he’s ever seen.

“We have an opening I feel would be quite suitable for you, Calum,” Arthur says. Merlin swallows deeply. “I’ve watched you in your spare time. You enjoy looking in on the R&D department, don’t you?”

“If I’m not supposed to be there, I…”

“To the contrary…we prefer agents to learn about every department,” Arthur says quickly. “We could use your education and skills there…and perhaps on the side you could help out with handling the agents.”

“Being in their ear?” Merlin asks. “They’d listen to me…I’d lead them, bring them home safe?” He can hear the witch’s voice in his mind.

“Yes.” Lamorak grins at Arthur. “Exactly.”

Merlin is twenty-six when he finds his calling.

 

He’s fifty-one when he sees a vision of his own. A beautiful creature with deep green eyes and a cocky grin, with an arse one could bounce a coin off of, and thighs that Greek sculptors could only dream about. A wisp of a boy with a filthy mouth who’s dropped into the middle of a group of posh young people and after a moment acts like he was born to put them in their places. A young man whose eyes show that he’s lived centuries in the few decades he’s had on the planet, a man who has no problem beating a fellow recruit to a pulp, but flinches when the kennel master raises his voice at the dogs. Eggsy Unwin loves his dog and follows his mentor like a puppy himself. His mentor, Merlin’s best friend and a man he has a complicated history with, has found the most ridiculous recruit in the history of Kingsman…and the recruit helps to save the world.

When they think Harry Hart is dead and they’re on a plane back home feeling as if their innards were twisted and pulled from their bodies, Merlin watches the boy sleep with his head on his best mate’s shoulder. Lancelot has her arm around him, holding him close and protecting him while they both sleep. Merlin’s heart aches. He has done amazing things, rescued a planet, yet he would give it all up if he could hold Eggsy like that.

They become close in the aftermath of V-Day. Merlin’s given the mantle of temporary Arthur, and Eggsy is at his side whenever he’s not out in the field righting wrongs. They fall asleep on opposite ends of Merlin’s sofa more than once, go for greasy fry ups at ridiculous hours of the night, and drink themselves silly on the night that a new Arthur is chosen and Merlin is free. They tell their life stories, and Merlin learns how Eggsy lived through nights of fear, worrying that another beating was coming. He learns that Eggsy’s first kiss was from another boy, and that he’d made sure that boy was okay the day after their return from saving the world. Merlin memorizes every sigh, every smile, every laugh, every touch. Eggsy is his for now, but he won’t be forever. Because Eggsy fucked a princess and Merlin helped it happen. Because that’s the kind of friend Merlin is. And he knows Eggsy’s stayed in touch with her, and there have been emails and phone calls and visits across Europe.

And then everything’s put on hold, because Harry Hart is NOT dead, simply shot in the head and recovering from a bit of amnesia. They go to find him and Eggsy brings Harry’s memory back. Of course Eggsy does…because Eggsy is magic. At least in Merlin’s mind. They return to England with Harry, and Merlin devotes himself to fixing his best friend. They work on his speech, his balance, his coordination, and Merlin comes up with an amazing robotic eye that gives Harry back almost all of his eyesight. The eye also takes the place of the Kingsman glasses, although Harry still wears them, vain peacock that he is.

“Hey, Merlin?” Eggsy timidly knocked on Merlin’s door one night.

“Hello, lad.” Merlin gratefully looked up from his work. “What time is it? Sweet Jesus, almost ten? What are you doing here?”

“I missed you.” Eggsy pouted and Merlin wanted to kiss it. He’d been having that thought a lot lately.

“I haven’t exactly gone anywhere.” He looked around. He’d been living in his office ever since Harry’s return.

“I know, but yer always busy with ‘arry. Don’t get me wrong, yer fuckin’ aces fer all you’ve done for him. I just…we always hung out, you an’ me…kinda miss it. Like didn’t know I’d miss it til it weren’t there.”

“That’s flattering, Eggsy. I’m sure you have better people to hang out with than an old computer geek.”

“Find me an old computer geek an’ I’ll let ya know what hangin’ out with him is like,” Eggsy said with a grin. Dimples creased in his cheeks and Merlin’s heart actually fluttered.

“Funny. Well, I should probably get some sleep now, but maybe tomorrow…”

“Dart tournament at Shakey’s at midnight. Chips half-price.”

“Oh, you sweet talker, you.” Merlin grabs his jacket.

They had a fabulous time, winning the pub dart tournament and a month’s supply of fish and chips. Eggsy hugged him with delight, and if Merlin hung on a little longer, he told himself it’s only because Eggsy hung on as well. Eggsy slept in Merlin’s guest room, and Merlin absolutely didn’t stand in the doorway and watch him sleep for over an hour.

 

“Merlin. Good afternoon. To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?” Harry looked up from his desk and frowned. “Did I forget a meeting?”

“No, of course not. Your memory is fine. And if you’re not using the calendar function I built into that eye, I will dig out the other one.” Merlin glared at him. “I’ve been looking for Eggsy…found a new holster that might work a bit better for him.” It’s been two weeks since their dart night, and Merlin’s hardly seen Eggsy.

“You know where he is.” Harry snorted. “You’re not amusing.”

“I do?”

“Merlin.” Harry shook his head and sighed.

“No, Harry, I really don’t.”

Harry stared at him, realization dawning on his face. “You really don’t. Jesus, I cannot believe he didn’t tell you. He left two days ago for Sweden.”

Merlin’s heart started to thud like mad. “Sweden?” He knew deep down in his heart that this was more than just a casual vacation.

“Yes. We think…Lancelot and I…that he might be proposing to Tilde.”

“Oh.” The room started to swim and Merlin took a few deep breaths. He is Merlin of Kingsman. He will not have a panic attack just because the boy he loves more than life itself is proposing to his beautiful princess. 

“Merlin, sit down.” Harry jumped up and dragged him to the sofa. Merlin allowed himself to be pushed down, Harry at his side. “You knew that…fuck, Merlin.” Harry’s face is full of pity. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Know what?” Merlin tried. But Harry knew him far too well.

“You deserve the best.”

“He is the best. But he deserves it as well, and she is a beautiful lass. I’ll send a nice gift.”

“Merlin.” Harry started to put an arm around him but Merlin gave him a look. “Of course.” Harry inched closer on the sofa, pressed his leg against Merlin’s, and said nothing more.

 

Two days later Harry and Percival grew tired of Merlin’s moping (“I am not moping you fucking idiots, I’m Scottish. I always act this way.”) and took him out for chips and beer. They’re in a corner booth of their favorite crowded pub, Merlin in the middle so he cannot possibly find an excuse to leave. 

“You’re getting drunk and the only time you’re leaving this booth is so you can take a piss,” Harry informed him. “Tomorrow you’ll be hungover, you’ll cry a bit, and then you’ll find someone else to love.”

“I don’t cry, and I’m not meant to love.”

“Jesus Christ, drink this.” Percival shoved the beer towards him. “I know. We’ll find you someone else.” He looked around the bar. “Fit gent at the end…looks like he could even hold a conversation. I know you prefer them that way, although God only knows why.”

“Because he’s not a walking cock like you?” Harry retorted and they all laughed.

They’re four drinks in before Merlin’s able to finally relax. He doesn’t need love, doesn’t need Eggsy. He can put his passion into his work, his love for Eggsy can turn into love for all mankind, and he can devote himself to saving the agents of Kingsman. He’ll forget that he ever loved…

“Eggsy!” Harry said in astonishment.

“Can’t we stop talking about him?” Merlin growled. “Next round’s on me.”

“No, you idiot.” Harry grabbed his chin and turned his face. “Eggsy.”

“What the fuck?” Merlin gaped at Eggsy, who was bent over and panting for breath.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Merlin, can’t ya ever check yer phone? Been lookin’ fer ya fer hours now, haven’t I? Called eight people before I found someone who knew you was here.” 

“You were looking for me? Why? You’re in Sweden, you’re not here.” Merlin shook his head. “No more beer. I’m seeing things.”

“No, yer not. I’m here. Needed ta talk to ya.”

Harry and Percival looked at each other and moved as one. They shoved the table out from the booth, the metal legs screeching on the floor. Everyone in the pub stopped and stared at them. Merlin stood up, holding onto the table for support as he swayed. “Right now?”

“Right now or I’ll lose my fuckin’ nerve.” Eggsy swallowed deeply and looked around the pub. “So, I know I sorta ran off without sayin’ goodbye, but I had to talk ta Tilde.”

“Congratulations, by the way. She’s a lovely girl, and you’ll be very happy together. Live in the castle, get your happy ever after…make beautiful perfect babies,” Merlin said. “I’m very happy for you,” he lied.

“Yeah, about that. So, that was why I went, because, see, that’s tha thing. Knew that were tha next step. Been together a few years, it’s where we should be goin’. But I realized lately that I really didn’t want ta go that direction.”

“You didn’t?”

“No. I love Tilde, she’s fuckin’ aces, but she ain’t what I want. Realized that, like I said, an’ I had ta go be with her ta make sure.”

“Oh,” Merlin said dumbly. “Well, I’m sure…”

“An’ I was right. Love her, but it’s just as a friend. We ain’t meant ta be together. She’s a princess, I’m some stupid chav.”

“You most certainly are not. You are an amazing young man, and worth ten of any prince she might come up with,” Merlin said almost angrily.

Eggsy took a few steps closer. “An’ see, that’s tha thing. Yer always sayin’ that shite ta me, Merlin. Makin’ me feel special, like I’m worth somethin’. An’ I thought on that, an’ I thought on tha way yer always there for me, an’ I thought of all the time I spend with ya, an’ how when I’m not spendin’ time with ya, I don’t wanna spend time with anyone else.”

“What?” Merlin whispered. 

“I don’t…I don’t wanna be with Tilde, Merlin. I wanna be with you. An’ I know it’s outta nowhere, I know ya ain’t interested in me, but I just…I needed to be honest with you.” Eggsy blushed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “So. There it is, then.”

“Why ain’t I interested? I mean, why aren’t I interested?” Merlin asked.

The room was completely silent. “Cuz…fuck, yer you,” Eggsy said incredulously. “Yer brilliant an’ deadly an’ scary as fuck…an’ yer sweet an’ warm an’ funny. Ya don’t got time for some kid like me, an’…”

“I have all the time in the world for a kid like you,” Merlin blurted out.

They stare at each other. “Shut…up…” Eggsy muttered in shock.

“As you wish.” Merlin grabbed him, kissed him, and the whole room erupted in applause.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angel Eyes - Jeff Healey Band  
> (and not that you care, this is my favorite song in the whole wide world)


	3. The Search is Over

_I took for granted the friend I have in you/I was living for a dream, loving for a moment/taking on the world that was just my style_

 

Eggsy did what had to be done, no matter what the situation. Easiest way from Point A to Point B, quickest solution to any problem. His world was black and white, because he absolutely could not afford to dwell on the grey. People were good or bad. Things didn’t just happen, you MADE them happen. He bulldozed his way through life, regardless of the consequences. Daisy had to eat, so he lifted a few wallets. Mum shouldn’t be hit by Dean, so Eggsy ran a few packages. His friends stood by him no matter what, didn’t make fun of his family, so when it came time to talk to the filth about what happened, Eggsy said he was there alone. Because there was no grey. You didn’t grass up your friends.

He wondered if maybe God appreciated the fact that he didn’t grass them up, because he suddenly remembered the medal around his neck. He made the call (disappointing was an understatement) and was starting to resign himself to the fact that he probably wasn’t going home anytime soon when the detective came back in and told him he was free to go. He could tell it physically pained the man to say the words, so he politely thanked him and wished him a good day. He absolutely did not flip off each and every security camera as he went for the door.

A voice called his name as he hurried away from the station and he suspiciously turned around. Air caught in his throat as he looked at one of the poshest, sexiest men he’d ever laid eyes on. If he’d have thought for one minute that blokes like that would be buying his time, he’d have turned his own arse out on Smith Street in a heartbeat.

But this wasn’t some fancy bloke looking for a quick blowie in the backseat. This was Harry Hart, the man who’d given him that medal. Harry Hart, who saw potential and loyalty when he looked at Eggsy. Harry Hart, who saved him from a pub full of angry idiots. Harry Hart, who showed him how to be a gentleman in deed and manner as well as words. Harry Hart, who brought Eggsy to Kingsman and gave him a reason to see the world in a little more color.

Then he watched Harry die and his world went completely black.

 

Merlin has always been a spot of confusion for Eggsy. The first time he saw him he was standing in the corridor with his clipboard, obviously waiting on Harry. He gave Harry a warm yet exasperated look and ushered Eggsy into the room with the others. It’s the last time Eggsy saw Merlin give anyone a warm look for an incredibly long time, although the exasperated expression is one he became quite familiar with.

Merlin was a harsh taskmaster but never truly cruel. He ordered them about but was quick to encourage them, and fairly gentle when he corrected them. He seemed quite willing to give them all a fair try to impress him, and while he rarely showed he was impressed, a certain smile or nod was enough to make Eggsy beam on the inside.

The parachute test was absolutely terrifying, although he was able to bury his own fear to help Roxy. He was laughing with relief when they landed, but wasn’t laughing when Merlin told him to whisper in his ear. Merlin was tall and somber and serious and Eggsy suddenly had the urge to fall to his knees and worship him. Instead he walked over only to be dragged away with his parachute.

Merlin was all sorts of interesting colors.

 

Merlin let slip when Harry awakened from his coma and Merlin didn’t throw too big of a tantrum when Eggsy grabbed his beloved clipboard. Merlin actually seemed sorry when he watched Eggsy walk out of Arthur’s office after the dog test, although he didn’t say anything. Most importantly, Merlin believed him when he showed up with a bloody piece of plastic from Arthur’s neck, and before Eggsy knew it, they were off to save the world.

Just before falling asleep on the jet, curled up in Roxy’s embrace (still in shock from the fact that he had actually shagged a princess in the arse), Eggsy took a good look at Merlin. He had the plane on autopilot and was sitting across from them, head back, glasses off, eyes closed. Every part of his long body screamed exhaustion, yet he was the senior member of Kingsman. A hand went over his eyes and his body shook with tears. It was then that Eggsy remembered about Harry…Merlin’s oldest and dearest friend. If anyone deserved the time to mourn, Merlin did, and yet he wasn’t going to get that period of mourning, probably not for a very long time. So Eggsy made the decision then and there, before nodding off, that he was going to do anything he could to make Merlin’s life easier. Because he deserved it.

It was an easier job than Eggsy originally thought. Merlin was not the most open of men; Eggsy supposed in his job, it had to be that way. But he slowly opened up to Eggsy and before he knew it, Eggsy had a completely different view of Merlin. He was intelligent, of course, but he had a razor sharp wit that often had Eggsy rolling on the floor. He was at times robotic when it came to work, but when it came to arguing about movies or football or whose dart was closest to the bull’s eye, he was animated to the point of being physically dangerous. They spent hours together in Merlin’s office, or at a pub, or even at Merlin’s house. When Merlin took the name of Arthur, even temporarily, Eggsy was surprisingly proud. He knew Merlin hated it and really didn’t want it, but he had priorities and Kingsman was at the top of the list. When he was able to relinquish that crown, it was Eggsy who Merlin called to come celebrate.

When everything was chaotic and they were working to fix the world, Eggsy spent eighty percent of his time with Merlin and Kingsman, and twenty with Tilde. She was a princess, so of course she had her own duties, but she showed a great deal of interest in keeping in contact with him, so he did what he could. Eventually more knights came home, and they quickly brought others out of retirement until they could fill the table, so his responsibilities shifted a little and he was able to devote more time to his girlfriend. His girlfriend the princess. How the fuck was this his life?

But he slowly realized he didn’t exactly like having more time to devote to the princess. He missed Merlin. He missed fish and chips, and beer and darts, and arguing over footie. He missed long hours helping Merlin run missions and twenty minute discussions about the last time Merlin ate (he always won – he forced Merlin to bring up the cameras in his own office as proof). He missed the warmth of Merlin next to him as they watched television, or the way his foot always nudged Eggsy’s under the table at the pub. He missed the way Merlin looked out for him, the worry in his eyes when Eggsy left on missions. He was starting to get very confused. He was supposed to love Tilde. He wasn’t supposed to notice Merlin…or his absence. And Eggsy absolutely did not notice the long legs, the slender torso, and the gorgeous hazel eyes.

Then Harry wasn’t dead and they flew to Kentucky and brought him back home. Merlin was ecstatic, and Eggsy was so happy for him. He was thrilled to have Harry back as well, although the Harry they retrieved wasn’t exactly the Harry who had left that fateful day. But they all just accepted it and gave thanks for what they did have.

 

“I’m leaving for Sweden tomorrow, ‘arry, thought I’d say bye.”

“You could have done that after you knocked on my door,” Harry pointed out.

“Fuck, ‘arry, really?” Harry raised an eyebrow. “Knock from now on, swear down.”

“So…Sweden. Was this planned?” Harry asked. Eggsy shook his head. “Is something wrong?”

“No. I have to…we need to talk. About our future.”

“Ah!” Harry’s eyes lit up and Eggsy desperately wanted to tell him it wasn’t what he thought. But he simply sat there and pasted on a grin. “Are congratulations in order?”

“Not yet. Still workin’ it out.”

“Eggsy, come here.” Eggsy stood and walked over to Harry. The robotic eye still freaked Eggsy out a bit, but it made Harry comfortable in his own skin and that was all that mattered. Harry hugged him. “You are an amazing young man and I’m terribly proud of you. You deserve all good things. Every firework, every rainbow, every work of art. And I hope that you find it and have it always.”

“Thanks, ‘arry,” Eggsy whispers. He welcomes the hug and regretfully lets go when Harry finally steps back.

 

Eggsy spends the flight to Stockholm deep in thought about Tilde, about Merlin, about his life. He takes advantage of the peace and quiet as much as possible, because he knows as soon as he lands he’ll have no peace and very little quiet until he leaves again.

“Good morning, Mr. Unwin. How was your flight? I have the car right over here.”

“Good day, Mr. Unwin, sir. No bag today?”

“Good day, Mr. Unwin. Her Royal Highness is in her apartments. May I get you anything?”

“No, thank you,” Eggsy says to the maid, a very nice girl named Harriet. “I’m fine.”

“As you wish, Mr. Unwin.” She bobs a curtsey and Eggsy sighs. It’s quite obvious that everyone from the kitchen to the stables thinks Eggsy’s going to become a member of the family sooner rather than later.

He knocks on the main door of Tilde’s apartments. She keeps a wing to herself in the large castle, and he’s been grateful for the privacy more than once. At the beginning it was fun; who wouldn’t like living the life of royalty? But soon he gets tired of the fishbowl and yearns for his secret spy reality. 

“Come in.” 

Her voice sounds like music and Eggsy’s heart breaks a little. He opens the door. “Hello, beautiful lady.”

“Eggsy!” She jumps up and throws herself into his arms. “What a surprise! I thought you were not coming until the weekend?”

“Things changed. Thought I’d take a chance on finding you here.” He always uses his Kingsman agent with her; he’d tried speaking to her in his normal chav accent and she could barely understand him. The more he thought about it, the more symbolic it seemed. “You look wonderful, as usual.”

“I look horrible. My hair is a mess and I’m not wearing cosmetics and…”

“You’re beautiful,” he tells her with a sigh. She is. And she deserves better than what he’s going to give her.

“Eggsy? My love, what is wrong?”

“Tilde, we need to talk.”

“All right.” She takes him by the hand and leads him to the sofa just as someone knocks on the door.

“Excuses, Your Royal Highness, but I was informed of Mr. Unwin’s arrival and wondered if he needed anything.” Eggsy’s personal assistant pokes her head in the door. Eggsy sighs. Exactly what he hadn’t missed.

“No, thank you. And I wish us not to be disturbed.” 

“Very well, Your Royal Highness.” The woman smirks a bit, obviously thinking that they were headed for the bedroom.

“You were saying, sweetheart?”

“There’s something I have to tell you.” Eggsy pats her knee and gets up. He begins pacing. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

“Oh my God, you’re married!”

“No. Absolutely NOT married,” Eggsy promises. “Swear down. I…did I ever tell you about my first kiss?”

“No.” She looks confused and he doesn’t blame her. He’s confused and he’s the one talking.

“I was fifteen, and it was a boy named Toby Gilliam. He was sixteen and absolutely beautiful. He was a bit better off than me, but still from the neighborhood. We’d been making eyes at each other for months, but of course we didn’t say anything. You didn’t say things like that in our neck of the woods. But one day we found ourselves with a bit of privacy, we looked at each other, and we kissed.”

“Everyone experiments,” she says softly.

“I’m sure they do. But experiments usually don’t happen every day for two months. Only stopped cuz he moved away.” Eggsy smiles a bit at the memory. “Made sure to look him up after V-Day. Lived through it…he was on a plane when it all went down. At any rate, he was the first boy I kissed, but I’ve kissed a lot since then. Kissed a lot of women, too, but none as special as you.”

“Thank you?”

“Oh, Tilde, I’m fucking this up.” He sits back down and holds her hands in his. “I love you. You saved my sanity at a time in my life when I was absolutely losing my mind. You’re beautiful and regal and sexy and amazing. You make me laugh, but right now you’re about to make me cry, because I know you won’t like what I have to say. I’m going to hurt you and that kills me.”

“There’s someone else,” she whispers, eyes filling with tears.

“I don’t know about that,” Eggsy says honestly. “But I do know that while I care about you, it’s not enough to keep up this…masquerade. You deserve the moon and the stars…and my feet are firmly down on Earth.”

“You are talking around me. What are you trying to say?” Tilde asks on a sob.

“I cannot be with you, Tilde. You deserve a prince, and I will always be just a knight. A knight who is always at your service, who will come running the moment you call. But I cannot be anything more than that. I don’t…I don’t love you that way,” he whispers.

She stares at him, eyes wide. He wishes she’d just hit him. But of course she doesn’t, because she’s Princess Tilde. “Very well,” she says finally. “I must be honest…I’ve noticed something different in the past few months. When you’re here, you’re not here.”

“I understand completely.”

“I’m sorry,” she says. “I wish…things were different.”

“I do, too. But I was never going to fit in here. Eventually we’d come to resent each other for it.”

“I don’t know about that,” she says, but she allows him to wrap his arms around her.

“I’m sorry.” Tears fall into her hair and Eggsy doesn’t try to keep them back.

“I am, too. I hope he’s worthy of your heart,” she murmurs.

Me too, he thinks, but doesn’t say anything.

 

Eggsy flies back to London that evening. He texts Harry. No answer. He texts Merlin. No answer. He calls Merlin. No answer. He calls Harry. No answer. He reaches out to Percival. Roxy. He messages any person who he thinks might know Merlin’s whereabouts. It’s Andrew who finally gives him a clue.

“I thought I heard Galahad and Merlin discussing a pub? Golden…Golden Arrow?”

“I know it. Thanks, Andrew, you’re the guv.”

He skips a cab and runs the ten blocks to the pub. When he sees Merlin sandwiched between Harry and Percival in a booth his heart leaps. He skids to a stop in front of them, heart pounding in his ears. He bends over and tries to catch his breath. Merlin seems shocked to see him, and in his drunken state he thinks Eggsy’s a hallucination.

Eggsy opens his mouth and vomits ridiculous words. He tells Merlin that he broke things off with Tilde, because he didn’t love her the way he should. He tells Merlin that he’s missed Merlin when they’re not together, and that he knows Merlin wouldn’t want someone like him. 

“I don’t…I don’t wanna be with Tilde, Merlin. I wanna be with you. An’ I know it’s outta nowhere, I know ya ain’t interested in me, but I just…I needed to be honest with you.” Eggsy rubs at the back of his neck, feeling his face burn red. “So. There it is, then.”

“Why ain’t I interested? I mean, why aren’t I interested?” Merlin asks.

Eggsy stares at him, sure he’s imagining things. “Cuz…fuck, yer you,” Eggsy says incredulously. “Yer brilliant an’ deadly an’ scary as fuck…an’ yer sweet an’ warm an’ funny. Ya don’t got time for some kid like me, an’…”

“I have all the time in the world for a kid like you,” Merlin says suddenly.

They stare at each other. “Shut…up…” Eggsy gasps, unable to say anything else.

“As you wish.” Merlin grabs him, kisses him, and the whole room erupts in applause. 

Eggsy fists his hands in Merlin’s jumper, hanging on for dear life as Merlin gives him the sort of kiss you see in old romantic movies. He just barely keeps from kicking his foot up in the back. “Are ya sure ya ain’t drunk, Merlin? Cuz I won’t be able to bear it if ya wake up tomorrow an’ don’t remember this.”

“Oh, my lad,” Merlin whispers, kissing his forehead. “Trust me when I tell you this is a moment I will never ever forget.”

 

_The search is over/love was right before my eyes…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Search is Over - Survivor


	4. Let's Stay Together

_Loving you whether…whether…times are good or bad, happy or sad_

 

“I have a question,” Eggsy says as he pushes Merlin away.

Eggsy never pushes him away, especially after a mission. He knows how much Merlin always worries. “All right.” 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me you an’ ‘arry was a thing?”

Merlin’s heart seeps out through his shoes. He stares at Eggsy whose face is calm but eyes are sad. “Oh. That.” He goes to a desk drawer, pulls out one of his jumpers, and hands it to Eggsy. “Please put this on. You have goosebumps.”

Eggsy pulls the jumper on. “Thanks.”

“This is a subject better discussed at home,” Merlin says firmly. “Harry’s in stable condition, he doesn’t need us.”

“Don’t sound like he needs US at all,” Eggsy snaps, then bites his bottom lip. “All right. We’ll go home. But I’m travelin’ by myself. I need ta get a few things from my office. I’ll meet ya at tha house.”

“Eggsy, please…” Merlin hears the fear in his voice and stops talking.

Eggsy’s face softens ever so slightly. “Not lyin’ to ya, Calum. I’ll be home.”

It’s the use of his actual name that makes Merlin believe him. 

 

When Merlin arrives at their home, he quickly goes to the kitchen to make tea. He sits at the table as the water boils, and then he stands to turn it off. He paces the length of the counter. He sits back down again. Finally he forces himself to be still, standing at the sink and looking out the kitchen window into the tiny backyard. He hears the door open and clenches the edge of the counter, but Eggsy doesn’t come to the kitchen. Instead Merlin hears the tired plod of Eggsy’s feet going up the stairs, and then the shower starts to run.

Eggsy has never walked into their home and done anything before coming to kiss Merlin hello first.

When Eggsy finally comes into the kitchen Merlin is still at the sink. He takes a few deep breaths and turns around. Eggsy’s hair is damp from the shower, and he’s wearing a pair of track pants and Merlin’s jumper. That helps to calm Merlin’s heart a bit. “Water’s ready for tea,” Merlin manages. Eggsy nods and prepares two cups. Merlin watches him add just the right amount of milk and sugar and his heart starts to ache a bit.

Eggsy places Merlin’s cup at his seat. “Sit with me,” he says.

Merlin falls into the chair. “Thank you.” He wraps his hands around the cup and stares down at it. “We weren’t “a thing.” You said Harry and I were a thing. We were never a thing.”

“He said you were tha one that got away, bruv. Sounds a whole lot like a thing.”

Merlin can’t look at Eggsy. “It wasn’t a thing,” he insists, realizing how foolish he sounds. “It was sex, really. We’ve been best friends for a long time. We…”

“Been friends with Jamal since I were six. Never fucked him.”

“Please,” Merlin pleads, finally looking up at his partner. Eggsy’s face is unreadable. “Please don’t interrupt, Eggsy. Let me speak.” Eggsy nods and Merlin takes a deep breath. “We were never in what I’d consider a relationship, other than being very close friends. You know how it is, there are so few people you can confide in, doing what we do. Harry could be brutally honest with me and often was. One night he was hurting, and we comforted one another.” Eggsy snorts but says nothing. “And then it happened again and again. It was nice for a while, nice to have someone to hold, but then he pulled away. There was a brief awkward stage, and then we were as close as ever…best friends.”

“How long did it go on?”

“Maybe eight months. A year at the most.”

“A year. A fuckin’ year, Merlin.” Eggsy slaps the table and Merlin jumps. “Never thought ta tell me? Never thought ta say, oh, just so ya know, me an’ ‘arry were fuckin’ fer a year way back when?”

“I didn’t think it mattered,” Merlin says honestly. He’s still not quite sure why Eggsy’s so upset. It wasn’t like it had happened anywhere near the time they’d gotten together. And Eggsy knows Merlin loves him more than life itself. 

“Didn’t think it mattered,” Eggsy echoes, chuckling to himself.

“Have I ever asked you about your sexual history, Eggsy? Have I ever asked for a list of the people who’ve stuck their cock in your arse?” Merlin’s suddenly angry. “No. All I asked was if they’d wrapped it up before they stuck it in there. Because it didn’t matter how long the list was or who was on it…as long as I’m the final name.”

“You’re right. Ya didn’t. And I didn’t ask you.” Some of the fight goes out of Eggsy’s body. “It’s just…it’s ‘arry, Merlin. Thought ya might’ve mentioned it. He’s my mentor…he’s…”

“Your hero,” Merlin finishes. He knows it’s true and honestly he doesn’t mind. Eggsy has worshipped Harry as long as Merlin’s known him, and he actually thinks it’s kind of adorable. Harry doesn’t, especially when Merlin teases him about it. 

“I’m just not sure how to wrap my mind around it,” Eggsy says finally.

“Lad, it was decades ago. Before you were BORN. And it ended then as well.”

“Apparently it didn’t, Calum. Because Harry said he had his chance and let it go, never told you it was more for him. And if that came ta mind while he was all fucked up from a head injury, means it’s been rattlin’ around in there fer years.” Eggsy pushes his cup away. “Said you was amazin’…perfect.”

“I am both of those things,” Merlin says haughtily and Eggsy finally cracks a smile.

“Yeah, ya are.”

“I cannot speak for Harry’s feelings, lad, but please know that I have never once thought about starting up anything with Harry again since it ended.” Merlin slowly reaches across the table and takes Eggsy’s hands. “I’m so sorry if you were hurt in some way with all of this.” He kisses Eggsy’s knuckles.

“I guess I was hurt more that you didn’t think ta tell me,” Eggsy admits. “But then I got ta thinkin’ about it, had the whole flight back ta think about it. It’s ‘arry, an’ if ya heard that he still thought that way about ya…”

“Eggsy!” Merlin says, astonished. “You wouldn’t think that…”

“You two been together a long time,” Eggsy says quietly. “Decades you been friends. Harry’s posh an’ funny an’ brilliant. Apparently tha sex was pretty damn good or ya wouldn’t have continued after tha first time. Ya came up through Kingsman together. An’ I’m just some dumb kid, in my twenties, don’t know shite about anythin’. Harry’s had ta teach me what I know. So why wouldn’t you…”

“Do not finish that sentence,” Merlin says firmly. “You are absolutely correct. Harry and I have been friends for years and have been through many things together. I’ve saved him from dying, I’ve watched him die. He is the ultimate gentleman, albeit one with an incredibly filthy mouth in bed. He’s witty and charming, and quite intelligent, although I’ll never tell him that. The sex was spectacular. In some ways, he is my soulmate.” Merlin gently tugs at Eggsy’s wrist until Eggsy gets up. Merlin walks him around the table to sit on his lap. He caresses Eggsy’s face and Eggsy rests his cheek in Merlin’s palm. “But he is not you. You are handsome and sexy and a dream come true for me. You might not be a gentleman, but you have the biggest heart I have ever seen…and that is worth ten of the world’s finest aristocrats. You have saved the world, and it has been my honor to help you do it. I love you, Eggsy Unwin, and there is nothing Harry Hart could say or do to ever change that.” His thumb brushes over Eggsy’s jaw. “I hurt you, and I am so sorry.”

“Forgiven,” Eggsy whispers. He leans in and kisses Merlin. “I’m sorry I went off like that…just shocked me. Didn’t know what to think.”

“Harry will be suitably punished once he’s up and about,” Merlin vows. “You may help me plan it.”

“Aces,” Eggsy says with a wicked grin. He sobers. “He probably would have gone to his grave without sayin’ anythin’, huh?”

“This is a conversation Harry and I might have to have sometime soon,” Merlin says. “His feelings hurt you.”

“Over now.” Eggsy wriggles a bit and snuggles his head on Merlin’s chest. “Now that I’m done actin’ like a stroppy brat, I want details.”

“Details?”

“Yeah. Every sordid little detail. Who topped? Exactly how filthy is his mouth? Who’s got tha bigger cock?”

Merlin pulls back to stare at him. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t wanna tell me? Bet he won’t either…just have ta get you two together an’ find out.”

Merlin’s fairly certain Eggsy’s talking this way to make up for the way he’d exploded earlier, but he’s still surprised. “We both topped…one of the reason things didn’t last. I’ll bottom, as you know, but it’s not what I prefer. His mouth is QUITE filthy. Believe me when I tell you that you would love it. Harry’s fingers in your arse and his mouth in your ear would get you off unbelievably quickly.” Eggsy squirms a bit and whimpers. He’s incredibly turned on by dirty talk. “As for who’s bigger…we never exactly measured it. He’s probably not as thick as I am, but maybe a little longer?”

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” Eggsy gasps, eyes widening. “Feel like yer splittin’ me in half most of tha time. He’s longer.” He ponders that for a moment.

“Should I be the one who’s concerned now?” Merlin teases.

“Course not. Only want you.” Eggsy snuggles back in again, but Merlin can feel the hardness of Eggsy’s cock pressed between them.

“I’m beginning to doubt that,” Merlin lies. “You seem quite intrigued by the size of Harry’s prick. And if my dirty talk isn’t up to par…”

“Merlin!” Eggsy pulls back again. 

“Up you go.” Merlin gently shoves Eggsy off his lap. 

“Calum, you’s everything ta me. Ya know that,” Eggsy says earnestly.

Merlin stands as well. “Perhaps you should show me.”

The worry drains from Eggsy’s face and is replaced with something resembling a leer. “Well, perhaps I should, then.”

“After you.” Merlin steps aside and allows Eggsy to lead the way upstairs. 

Once they’re in the bedroom Eggsy slowly pulls Merlin’s jumper up over Merlin’s head, kissing the bare skin as soon as it’s revealed. “So gorgeous.”

“Thank you, lad.” Merlin cups Eggsy’s face in his hand and kisses him, tender kisses that grow passionate, tongues twirling and dancing. He slowly turns Eggsy around in front of him, removing the jumper before pressing his chest to Eggsy’s back. “You are so perfect…why in the world would I want Harry or anyone else?” He draws Eggsy’s arm up so his palm is flat against the back of Merlin’s head, and then begins kissing his way down the inside of the arm.

Eggsy whimpers. “Your mouth…fuck, Calum…”

Merlin’s hand slides across Eggsy’s bare chest to rest on a nipple. “You are every wet dream I’ve ever had, everything I’ve ever fantasized about.” His fingers twist and flick over the hard bud, occasionally pinching. Eggsy’s legs droop and Merlin wraps an arm around his waist just in time. His nipples are incredibly sensitive. Merlin sticks his thumb and index finger in Eggsy’s mouth and he eagerly sucks on them. Merlin chuckles as he brings the wet fingers down to the other nipple. “Greedy little slut, aren’t you?”

Eggsy moans, rubbing his arse back against Merlin’s hardening cock. “Yes…for you…”

“See? Harry’s not the only one with a dirty mouth.” Merlin bites down on Eggsy’s shoulder and sticks the fingers back in Eggsy’s’ mouth again. Eggsy whimpers, eagerly sucking and licking the long digits. “Want something in your mouth, do you, lad?” Eggsy nods. Merlin takes him by the hair and turns him around. “You know what to do, then.”

“Yes, love,” Eggsy gasps. He kisses his way down Merlin’s stomach, Merlin’s hand still in his hair. His hands shake as he undoes Merlin’s trousers, and Merlin shivers a bit as his trousers and pants hit the floor around his ankles. “Fuck, Calum, so perfect…love the shape of you…” Eggsy moans as he begins to lick at the head of Merlin’s cock.

“So good…you’re so good at that…” Merlin’s eyes flutter shut for a moment as Eggsy allows his saliva to drip down Merlin’s cock, giving extra lubrication as his hand begins to stroke. “My good boy…you like to make me feel good, don’t you?” Eggsy hums around him and he shivers. His eyes open and he looks down at Eggsy. Eggsy’s beautiful eyes are shining up at him as he sucks him, occasionally pulling back to lick around the head before taking him in. “I wish I could keep you like this all the time…sitting around in here waiting to suck me.” His hand moves to cup Eggsy’s jaw. “Or maybe under my desk…just shove my dick into your mouth while I’m running a mission.”

“Jesus, Calum!” Eggsy gasps, pulling Merlin out and stroking him hard and fast. “What tha fuck?”

“You want to know things about Harry, Eggsy?” Merlin says, deciding to just go for it. In for a penny, in for a pound and all that. “The man can kiss…at least he could back in the day. And he could tongue fuck your arse until you saw stars.”

“Fuck me,” Eggsy says weakly.

“Back to work, lad. No talking,” Merlin says sharply. Eggsy whimpers and takes him back in again, eagerly working his mouth over Merlin’s throbbing skin.

“But he never really enjoyed sucking cock. I mean, he’d do it, and was fairly good at it…but he never wanted to do more than the head. But you do, don’t you, my sweet lad?” Merlin coos, fisting Eggsy’s hair. “You love choking on my cock, don’t you?”

“Yes…yes…” Eggsy mumbles.

“I love it, too,” Merlin tells him. He feels Eggsy relax his jaw and suddenly Merlin’s able to thrust all the way in. Eggsy moans and presses his face to Merlin’s abdomen, body quivering until he makes a garbled choking sound. Merlin pulls back and Eggsy gasps for breath. His cheeks are red and tears are threatening to fall.

“Please…fuck my face, Calum, I want it, I love it…love doing it for you…”

“Eggsy,” Merlin moans. He knows he’s been saying the words, guiding the bit of play, but it still hits him right in the groin every time Eggsy’s willing to go along with it.

Eggsy dives back in, allowing Merlin to control the pace. Merlin holds him back by the hair, just barely thrusting in a few times before pushing all the way. He repeats this a few times until Eggsy’s panting for breath, tears running down his cheeks. “Calum…” Eggsy moans, hands sliding up Merlin’s thighs. He dips his head to lick and suck at Merlin’s balls.

“Fuck…lad, I’m close.”

“Give it to me…” Eggsy begins to stroke him. “Told ya I only want you…wanna be yers, only yers…mark me…”

“Jesus,” Merlin says, a bit surprised at how Eggsy’s words are affecting him. 

“Now, love,” Eggsy orders softly. He leans back and bends his back, pink tongue slipping out.

“Fuck, Eggsy!” Merlin begins to stroke himself, unable to stop as he looks at Eggsy’s beautiful body laid bare for him. “Yes…oh you fucking beautiful little slag…”

“Yes,” Eggsy moans. His hand slides up to cradle Merlin’s balls, thumb slipping behind to press ever so gently.

“Eggsy!” Merlin cries, coming hard and fast. He paints Eggsy’s chest and throat, a few drops landing on his tongue and cheek. “Fuck…Eggsy…” 

As soon as Merlin stops throbbing Eggsy jumps to his feet, pressing his body to Merlin’s, not caring that they’re both going to be a disgusting mess. “Touch me, Calum, please, touch me, need yer hand on me.” Eggsy kisses him and he can taste his own release in the sweet mouth. Eggsy shoves at his own trousers and pants, shoving them down.

“Of course, my lad.” Merlin shuffles them back to the bed and lays Eggsy down on his back. He tumbles down next to him, kissing him as he finds Eggsy’s hard cock and strokes it. “Like this?”

“Yes, fuck yes, so close just from watchin’ ya do that…love when ya talk that way, Jesus, Calum, what got into you…fuck, uh…” Eggsy arches into Merlin’s hand.

“Perhaps it had something to do with the pretty little tart on his knees for me,” Merlin whispers. “Come for me, Eggsy…be a good boy…you’ve earned it…” Merlin dips down and sucks Eggsy’s nipple, biting hard.

“Fuck!” Eggsy cries, almost sobbing as he comes.

Merlin kisses up Eggsy’s chest, occasionally licking up the drops of his come he encounters along the way. That makes Eggsy jerk beneath him and Merlin grins against his skin. “My beautiful Eggsy.” He very tenderly kisses Eggsy’s mouth before nuzzling at his neck.

“Christ, we didn’t even get our shoes off,” Eggsy remarks after a moment. They look at each other and start laughing.

“No, I guess we didn’t.” Merlin leans his head against Eggsy’s. “I love you so much, lad. There may have been some before you, but there will never be another after you.”

“Only you can lay here with yer trousers ‘round yer ankles an’ make poetic statements like that,” Eggsy says with a snort. But he turns his head to kiss Merlin’s cheek. “I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's Stay Together - Al Green


	5. If It Kills Me

_This double life I lead isn’t healthy for me/In fact it makes me nervous/If I get caught I could be risking it all_

 

Harry wakens to a very familiar sound…the familiar beep of his heart rate as told by a piece of equipment. His side aches and he weakly presses to find the source of the pain.

“Don’t be daft, ‘arry.” Gentle fingers take his hand away. 

Harry’s eyes flutter open to see Eggsy look down at him. “Eggsy,” he whispers, coughing a bit. Eggsy brings a straw and a cup and cool refreshing water slides down Harry’s throat. “Thank you, my boy. You’re…you’re all right?”

“Not even a scratch. Not quite what I can say fer you, izzit? Minor concussion, nasty bump to tha head and a lovely gunshot wound to tha side.” Eggsy glares at him.

“I’m sorry?” Harry apologizes.

“Ya pushed me outta tha way, ya fuck,” Eggsy says angrily. “Yer jacket were open from tha heat, an’ ya got yerself shot. Over me!” Eggsy’s almost yelling and Harry winces.

“Again, I do apologize,” Harry says formally.

Eggsy continues to glare until his eyes fill with tears and he has to look away. “Ya…ya can’t fuckin’ DO that, cuz how do I pay ya back if yer dead?”

“Eggsy,” Harry murmurs. “I never meant to cause you any worry or hurt.” He hears a snort from across the room somewhere.

“That’s tha fuckin’ annoyin’ part of all this…I know yer tellin’ tha truth.” Eggsy bends down and surprises Harry with a kiss to tha forehead. “I’m done. Don’t do it again or I’ll make sure yer burial suit is one-hundred percent polyester.” Eggsy stomps out of the room.

“Well. That was quite dramatic.” Harry shifts and tries to get more comfortable.

“I wonder who he learned that from?” Merlin takes the seat by the bed. “Hello, Harry.”

“Merlin.” Harry looks at the cup. Merlin groans and brings it over so he can take another sip. “How bad is it?”

“It could have been much worse. More blood than anything, bullet actually went through. You’ll have a lovely scar to show your bed partners in the future.”

“Charming,” Harry says wryly. He looks up at Merlin, who simply studies his face. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

“I believe I should be asking you that.” Merlin leans back in the chair and taps a finger on his knee. 

“I’m assuming Eggsy filed a report for the mission.”

“Of course he did. After he made sure you were safely in Medical, he came right to me and filed the report.” Merlin smiles a bit.

“I taught him well,” Harry says proudly and Merlin makes a face. “So…I’m not quite sure what else I’m supposed to tell you.”

“What do you remember from the mission, Harry?”

“The men chased us up the street. We made it to the building but they were shooting, and I shoved Eggsy out of the way. I was shot.” Harry focuses. “And then things are a bit fuzzy, but I think I remember him carrying me up some stairs?”

“Eight flights of stairs,” Merlin tells him.

“I’ll send him a gift,” Harry jokes. Merlin doesn’t smile.

“You saved his life, Harry. I think you’re quite even.” Merlin’s eyes grow warm. “Thank you for that, by the way.”

“Like I could face you if I let the love of your life get shot in an alley.”

“He is the love of my life.” 

Harry gives him an odd look. “As I said. I know this because you’ve told me three thousand times, and he’s told me you’re the love of HIS life about as many times. I’ve also seen the two of you together. Disgustingly adorable and romantic.” Harry smiles to soften his words.

“You don’t remember what happened on the roof while you waited for extraction?”

“No,” Harry realizes. “I don’t.”

Merlin sighs. “I’m not sure of that’s a good thing or a bad thing. But I’ll simply refresh your memory.” He taps at his clipboard. “This is the feed from Eggsy’s glasses.”

Harry’s pale face comes into view and the man on the bed frowns. He can hear the worry in Eggsy’s voice. “How ya doin’, ‘arry?” 

“Hurts a bit,” Harry groans. His eyes flutter shut. Eggsy shakes him a bit, slapping gently at his cheek, and he opens them again. “Lee?”

“No, that’s my da, ‘arry.”

“Lee…thought you died.”

“Harry…”

“Leave it, lad,” Merlin’s voice says. 

“So glad…was so angry with you for jumping in,” Harry murmurs. He grabs wildly and Eggsy takes his hand. “Never said thank you.”

“I’m sure thanks aren’t necessary,” Eggsy says sadly. Harry wants to hug him.

“Forgive me, Lee.” Harry reaches up and pats at something, likely Eggsy’s face.

“Course,” Eggsy whispers. “Merlin…extraction.”

“Five minutes.”

“Lancelot died, Lee…so sorry. You saved him and he died. You saved me…and look what a mess I’ve become.” Harry grins tiredly. “Saved Merlin…he’s amazing.”

“That he is,” Eggsy whispers. Harry sees himself start to shiver.

“He was…was the one that got away,” Harry says. “Had my chance…was perfect…let it go. So many nights together and I never said it was more than that.”

“Don’t matter now, does it, ‘arry?” Eggsy says finally.

Merlin cuts the feed on the clipboard and calmly looks at Harry. “Anything you’d like to share with the class?”

Harry wonders if he could pretend to fall asleep and have Merlin believe it. He remembers who he’s dealing with and realizes no, Merlin would never believe it. “I…I had a head injury?” Harry whispers.

“True,” Merlin says. “But I believe there’s more to it than that.”

“Right.” Harry fiddles with the sheet, not sure where to start.

“The great Harry Hart, speechless. Too bad I disabled the cameras in this room for the duration of my visit. I’d love to have this for posterity.”

Merlin doesn’t look or sound very angry, so that’s a plus. “I…I didn’t mean it.”

“How is it that you live your life pretending to be someone else, but when it comes to personal issues, you can’t lie for shit, Harry?” Merlin asks, shaking his head. 

“Merlin, it’s…complicated.”

“Harry, I am a very intelligent man. I think I can probably follow along.” Merlin’s not smiling now. “You hurt my Eggsy, Harry. You hurt him and made him doubt our relationship.”

“No!” Harry struggles to sit up, forgetting the wound in his side. “I’ll talk to him. I’ll make him see…”

“Jesus Christ, Harry, settle down.” A strong hand pushes at Harry’s chest. “We worked it out. It’s fine.” Merlin adjusts Harry’s covers and helps him get back into a comfortable position. “I guess I’ll ask you the same question he asked me. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what…that I realized far too late that our little trysts were so much more than sex? That I valued our time as more than just a roll in the hay?” Harry smiles bitterly. “By the time I had it figured out, it seemed too late…and I just figured we were better off as friends.”

“That was decades ago, Harry. You never found the right time to bring it up?” Merlin asks gently.

“How could I? ‘Merlin, remember how I used to come to you for a shag when I was lonely? Well, guess what. All that time I was falling in love with you. Yes, I know it was fifteen years ago, twenty years ago.’ Ridiculous.”

“It might have been ridiculous, but I wouldn’t have been averse to hearing it,” Merlin replies.

“Do you remember me at twenty? At thirty? I was far too cocky to admit that I had actual feelings for you, especially if I thought those feelings would not have been returned.”

“And now what do you feel?” Merlin whispers.

“Exactly how I told Eggsy I felt. I feel I let something amazing slip through my fingers. You are an incredible human being, and now and then I look at you and really kick myself.” Harry sighs and studies his hands. 

“I love Eggsy,” Merlin says. “And he loves me.”

“I know that, Merlin, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that…or our friendship. Your happiness means more to me than you could possibly know. I see how you are with him, how he worships you, treats you like a king. And you deserve that. I’m just happy to sit and watch.”

“Thank you.” Merlin looks a bit uncomfortable, as if he doesn’t know what to say now.

“Eggsy was really hurt?” Harry asks in a quiet voice. He loves Eggsy like family, and if he’s truly hurt him, he’ll never forgive himself.

“Aye, at first. I believe he felt betrayed because I didn’t tell him. And THAT was apparently rolled up into some sort of ridiculous thoughts about you being better for me than he is.” Merlin snorts. “As if that’s bloody possible.”

“I bet your pardon,” Harry says mildly. “I’m quite the charming fellow.”

Merlin snorts again. “He thought since you had feelings for me, it was only logical that I would now come running to you to take up where we left off.”

“And I suppose you set the silly boy to rights?”

“Absolutely,” Merlin says.

“Good.” Harry thinks for a moment. “We would have been bad for each other in the end.”

“True,” Merlin agrees.

“We wouldn’t have stayed friends, and I needed you as my friend far more than I ever needed you as my lover.” As soon as the words come out, Harry realizes how true they are. He wouldn’t have made it this far without Merlin by his side, in his ear, and as lovers he doesn’t know if it could have worked as well.

“Quite,” Merlin whispers, and Harry hears the emotion in his voice. Merlin’s hazel eyes turn on him for a long moment before finally glancing away. “I just…I hope you didn’t hurt too much.”

“If I hurt at all, I brought it on myself by never saying anything,” Harry points out. 

“I suppose.” Merlin sighs. “I love you, Harry. I’m not ashamed to say it. You are my dearest friend.”

“And that’s why I never said anything, Merlin.” Harry blushes a bit. “Because you are my dearest friend as well.”

“Yes.” Merlin turns a bit pink also.

Harry clears his throat, ready to move on. “The sex was pretty spectacular, though.”

“Well…” Merlin hedges. Harry gapes at him. “It wasn’t bad. You never could get the hang of sucking my prick. And we never could agree as to whose turn it was to be on top.”

“Pardon me for not having a superhuman gag reflex,” Harry says defensively. “I quite made up for it in other ways.”

“Oh, you most certainly did,” Merlin says with a wicked grin. “I told Eggsy how good you are with your tongue.”

“You didn’t!” Harry turns crimson.

“He asked. Once he got over the initial shock, he was quite curious. He wanted to know if you talked dirty in bed…who topped…how big your cock was…”

“Indeed.” Harry absolutely does not shiver at the idea of Merlin and Eggsy speaking of him in bed. 

“You know that he thinks you walk on water. Of course he wanted to know.”

“And you told him…”

“The complete and utter truth,” Merlin says calmly. “And then he dropped to his knees and sucked my cock until I came down his throat.”

“I hate you,” Harry says savagely. “I’ll never be able to look him in the eye again.”

“Oh, you will,” Merlin informs him. “And every time you do, you’ll think of him on his knees just like that.”

“I want you out of my room.” Harry’s hand goes for the nurse’s button.

Merlin laughs and stands. “Serves you right for what you did. We’ll come back and visit later.”

“I still hate you.”

“Glad you’re all right, Harry.” Merlin squeezes his shoulder and leaves the room, still laughing.

 

Harry’s cleared for release three days later, although the doctor informs him that he isn’t happy about Harry being alone. “I’d prefer you to be under some sort of supervision, for at least five or six days.”

“Why don’t he come stay with us?” Eggsy says from his chair in the corner, not even looking up from the game on his phone. “We got that room downstairs, Merlin. Loo down the hall…ain’t even gotta do steps.”

Harry watches him for a moment. They hadn’t had their own talk, but Harry’s going to make sure it happens. Merlin’s assured him that Eggsy is fine with his little revelation, but he still feels the need to explain. “I don’t need a nursemaid,” Harry growls. Merlin smiles from where he’s tying Harry’s shoes.

“Nae. Just a babysitter.”

“Don’t you have intel to gather? Quarters to master? Missions to run?”

“I have permission from Arthur to escort you home. And I think Eggsy’s idea is a good one. We should look after you.”

“Splendid. I’ll sign you out and you’re free to go.” The doctor leaves and Eggsy smiles at Harry.

“Had ta do it. Ya know you’s just gonna overdo it fer somethin stupid an’ put yerself back in here, Haz.”

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And don’t call me by that ridiculous nickname.” Harry stands up and reaches for his jacket, wincing as he bends to the side.

“Yeah, perfectly capable.” Eggsy looks down at his phone. “Pompous arse.”

“My hearing is fine.”

“I know. I wanted ya ta hear it.” 

Harry looks at Merlin. “All joking aside, Harry, we’d both feel better, I think, if we knew you were taking care of yourself.”

“Oh, all right. Because you said it like that.”

“Do we need ta stop by yer house first?” Eggsy says, standing as well.

“We probably should. I’ll need clothing and other things.”

“It’s like a sleepover! A Kingsman sleepover!” Eggsy says with glee as they leave the room.

“Back to hating you again,” Harry says to Merlin, who only shrugs.

“I’ll go to tha house, get tha room set up.” Eggsy kisses Merlin, grabbing him by the shirt and holding him close. “Love you,” he says when he finally releases him.

“Love you, too,” Merlin replies breathlessly.

Eggsy jogs on ahead. Merlin keeps pace with Harry. “Is it me or was that kiss a bit more possessive than usual?” Harry asks. 

“I might be reaping the rewards of your little confession,” Merlin admits, winking at him.

“If this is what’s going to happen, I’ll go stay with Percival.”

“Relax, Harry, I’m just joking. But yes, I think he might feel a little uncomfortable around you.”

“I need to talk to him,” Harry says with a sigh.

“Later. Let’s just focus on getting you home.” Merlin doesn’t take Harry’s arm, but stays close enough that Harry can lean on him if he wants. His head is still a bit heavy, and the wound at his side bothers him more than he’ll admit.

He allows Merlin to help him into the bullet train before sitting across from him. He studies his friend, who looks tall and serious this morning in dark grey trousers and a black jumper. He looks very much as he had when Harry met him, although with much less hair. The one difference is the light in his eyes whenever Eggsy is around. Then Merlin changes from simply handsome into absolutely gorgeous. 

“I think I would have ruined you,” Harry says faintly. Merlin gives him a strange look. “I would have taken and taken from you, and you would have given because you’re generous like that. I would have left a shell…and I never would have forgiven myself.”

“Harry,” Merlin says in surprise. 

“I wonder if that isn’t’ why I never said anything…because I knew it would be a disaster. The way Eggsy loves you…it’s all-encompassing. He takes from you but the spaces that he leaves from taking he fills with so much more.”

“My my, Harry…I didn’t know you were such a philosopher when it comes to romance,” Merlin tries to joke, although Harry can see him blushing. 

“I suppose I’m a bit jealous, now that I think about it. I would love to find that…have someone look at me the way he looks at you. But I don’t deserve it.”

“And you think I do?” Merlin says in surprise. “Christ, Harry, every morning when I wake up next to the lad I wonder who I pleased in my past life. Someone told me once that I would find the greatest love imaginable in the last place I planned to look. And that happened.” His eyes widen suddenly. “She also said…”

“She? Who? What did she say?”

“Nothing,” Merlin says quickly. “Everyone deserves a love like the one I’ve been blessed with. Even you, Harry Hart.”

“I don’t think I could handle the love you have,” Harry says, trying to lighten the mood.

“You absolutely could not. That boy is a terror in every sense of the word,” Merlin says with a grin. “He’ll be the death of me one day, I just know it.”

“And you’ll die happy.”

“Yes, I would.”

 

When they arrive at the house Merlin shares with Eggsy, Harry is exhausted. He puts on a brave face, however, not letting Merlin help him up the steps. He’s been shot many times, of course, but this has really taken a lot out of him. He refuses to think about the fact that it’s probably due to his age. He’s not twenty-five anymore.

“Eggsy?” Merlin calls as soon as they’re in the door. Harry rolls his eyes. 

“Comin’.” Eggsy appears down the hall, smiling as he hurries to Merlin. “Hey, babe.” He kisses Merlin as if he hadn’t just left him. “Got yer room all ready, ‘arry.” He shoulders Harry’s bag and starts down the hall.

“I’ll look and see what we can put together for dinner,” Merlin says, going towards the kitchen.

Harry follows Eggsy down the hall to a small but tidy bedroom done in brown and gold. “Doesn’t have yer million thread count sheets, but the mattress is new.” Eggsy puts Harry’s bag on the bed. “Need help unpackin’ anything?”

“No, thank you, my boy. I’ll manage.” Harry closes the door. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

“Course,” Eggsy says, sitting on the bed. Harry sits down on the bed as well. “Guess ya wanna talk ‘bout what ya said?”

“Yes, I do.” Harry takes a moment to gather his thoughts. “I know what I said probably hurt you, and I’m so very sorry. I don’t remember saying those things, but Merlin showed me the footage from your glasses.”

“You thought I was my dad…apologized to me,” Eggsy says quietly.

“Yes.”

“Glad ya got ta do that, though. Seemed like ya needed it.”

“I’m sure it was very difficult for you, though.” Eggsy just shrugs. “Eggsy, what I said about Merlin…please know I never meant to hurt you or do anything to the relationship you have with him. I didn’t know I was saying it at the time, but I will not deny that it was true.”

“Ya never thought ta tell me?”

“Why would I tell you that I had at one time slept with your partner, that I had strong feelings for him? What good would it do?” Harry asks.

“That’s true, I guess.”

“Eggsy,” Harry says gently, and Eggsy finally looks at him. “You know how amazing Merlin is. Imagine what he was like twenty years ago, thirty years ago. Young and handsome and full of life. He gave part of himself to me, and like a selfish idiot I took it and didn’t consider giving back before it was too late.”

“You was fuckin’ stupid.”

“I most definitely was. I was cocky and arrogant and didn’t think I needed anyone in my life except as a friend or an occasional shag. And then I looked at him and realized it was so much more. I was terrified and couldn’t bring myself to say it. Something happened between us then, and it was too late. We were no longer intimate, and our relationship morphed into what is now an incredible friendship. I would give my life for him.”

“For me, too, apparently,” Eggsy says, making a face.

“Of course for you, too.” Harry puts a hand on Eggsy’s shoulder. “I’m so very proud of you, my boy. You are an outstanding young man, and I’m honored to call you a very dear friend.”

“What about Merlin? What would ya call him?”

“My best mate,” Harry says without hesitation. “I’d call him a genius, I’d call him a wizard, I’d call him the luckiest man on earth to have you.”

“Nah…I’m tha lucky one,” Eggsy says with a luminous smile. “He’s too fuckin’ good for me.”  
“Exactly how I felt.”

“You’s been talkin’ about how ya felt for him then…how about now? Do I have anythin’ ta worry about, ‘arry?”

“Eggsy,” Harry says in shock. “Of course not. I would never dream of…”

“But apparently ya do dream about it, ‘arry. Deep down I know you would never try anythin’. I believe ya when ya say ya respect me an’ all, an’ I know ya respect him. But I just…I gotta hear it. It wouldn’t be too hard fer me ta see Merlin with you instead of me.”

“Eggsy Unwin, stop speaking such rubbish,” Harry says sternly. “Perhaps now, in my old age, I’ve grown a bit wiser, and if Merlin were single I might finally say something. But he’s not single, and I do not feel any inclination to change all that. He is still the same incredible human being, still sexy and funny and smart. But I do not love him that way. Not anymore. He is my ‘what could have been’ and that’s all.”

“Y-yes, ‘arry,” Eggsy stammers.

“And if I ever hear you say that I would be better for him, or something ridiculous like that, I will waste no time boxing your ears and nailing your arse to the ground, do you understand me?”

“Yes,” Eggsy says, cheeks turning pink.

“What?”

“Yer sorta sexy when yer all bossy an’ talkin’ about nailin’ people’s arses.”

“Oh bloody hell.” Harry groans and buries his face in his hands. Eggsy laughs and scoots a bit closer to him on the bed.

“Thank ya, ‘arry, fer takin’ tha time ta explain an’ everything. Appreciate it.”

Harry looks down, wishing he could give Eggsy a hug. He’s sitting on the injured side, however, and lifting that arm is painful. Eggsy smiles and wraps his arms around Harry from the side, leaning his head on Harry’s shoulder. “I would do anything for you, my boy. Merlin as well.”

“Wouldya, though?” Harry stiffens. “Cuz I still got some questions that Merlin refuses ta answer. Like about positions ya used and stuff. He says ya both like ta top, so…can’t imagine ya doin’ it doggy style…maybe missionary? Maybe one of ya rode tha other?”

“Eggsy Unwin, that is quite ungentlemanly of you,” Harry snaps, his face flaming red. He suddenly feels the need to cross one leg over the other.

“C’mon, Haz,” Eggsy says with a sly grin. “Ya scared tha hell outta me with yer little revelation…least ya can do is gimme somethin’ fer my spank bank…use it when I’m off on a mission without Merlin ta take care of me.” Eggsy winks at him.

“I…”

“Just takin’ tha piss, ‘arry.” Eggsy pats his leg and stands. “Gonna help Merlin in tha kitchen. Ya just rest an’ I’ll come get ya fer dinner.”

“All right,” Harry says weakly. 

As Eggsy leaves the room, Harry slowly stretches out on the bed. He tries not to think of Eggsy touching himself while on a mission, alone in some far off hotel room. Harry absolutely tries not to think of Eggsy imagining Harry and Merlin together while he does it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If It Kills Me - Jason Mraz


	6. My Best Friend

_You stand by me you believe in me like nobody ever has/When my world goes crazy you’re right there to save me_

 

“And then I slid the tracking device into her pocket,” James chuckled. “Trust me when I tell you she was completely distracted at the time.”

“I’m sure she was…by the adolescent shoving of your tongue in her mouth,” Harry told him. “Really, James.”

“I know I…” A door opened and someone came barreling through. The tall body clipped James but ran full-on into Harry, metal bits and pieces clanging to the floor. “Why don’t you watch where you’re going, lab rat?” James snapped. “You could hurt someone.”

“Indeed. I’m terribly sorry.” The man knelt and started to pick up his things.

“Come on, Harry. We’re going to be late.”

“Go on ahead, I’ll be there in a minute.” Harry turned and bent down as well. “I’m so sorry.”

“You can’t fix arsehole, no need to apologize,” the man muttered in a soothing Scottish accent. He turned red and glanced at Harry. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t appropriate.”

“Why? Because it’s true?” Harry said with a grin. The man looked up at him again and shyly smiled back. “We’re obviously trespassing in your area down here, we should have been more careful.”

“Quite all right. I was so excited to get down to the lab that I didn’t think about the possibility of someone in the hall.”

Harry placed the last pieces back into the bin the man held. “Did we get everything?”

“Yes, thank you.” The man stood and pushed his glasses into place. Harry was actually stunned by the flecks of gold in his hazel eyes.

“I do apologize for Ja…Lancelot. I have no excuse, really…he can be an utter twat without trying very hard.”

“It’s fine, truly. I don’t…people seem to forget we’re human down here.”

“Well, I don’t, I assure you.” Harry placed his hand on the man’s shoulder without thinking. He was surprised to feel the strength beneath the ratty jumper. “You’re in R and D?” The man nodded. “I for one can only treat you with respect. If it weren’t for you lot, we wouldn’t get our jobs done, now, would we? I’m an agent. New agent.”

“Of course,” the man said, looking at Harry’s bespoke suit. 

“Galahad,” Harry said formally, holding out his hand. “Officially, that is. Harry Hart in real life.”

“Calum Macnair.” The handshake was firm. “I don’t…don’t have a codename or anything. I’m new as well.”

“Really? Glad to know I’m not the only one. Where’d they steal you from?”

“Uh, my job. I mean, I was an engineer. My degree is in electrical engineering.”

“Impressive. My electrical engineering skills are limited to changing light bulbs,” Harry said, and he was rewarded with a beautiful smile. “Well, I’ll let you get to it, then. My apologies once more.”

“Mine as well,” Calum said. “I hope to see you again soon,” he said, and immediately seemed to regret it.

“Yes,” Harry said, giving a final wave before turning to hurry down the hall.

 

“Before we go…I need a volunteer to spend a few days down in R and D,” Arthur said. Harry was shocked to hear the agents present start moaning and groaning.

“Boring as hell,” James whispered. “Sitting around with those geeks letting them poke you and prod you and possibly blow you up.”

“Come on now, do I need to force someone?” Arthur said. “You all seem happy enough with those boys when they’re saving your lives.”

“I’ll do it,” Harry said, raising his hand.

“Excellent, Galahad,” Arthur said, beaming at him. “Good man.”

“Arse kisser,” someone growled at Harry on their way out the door.

“But I’m not,” Harry said to James. “I think R and D is fascinating. How do they come up with those things?” 

“I’m sure you’re going to find out,” James said with a grin. “Good luck.”

Harry was actually a little nervous the next morning when he knocked on the door of Research and Development. The door opened and he was surprised to see a short pixie of a woman on the other side. “You don’t have to knock, you know. This is an open department. Anyone can come in.”

“So sorry. I…I didn’t want to disturb anyone. I’m…”

“Galahad!” A voice said from behind the pixie.

A thrill went through Harry as he recognized the man from the hallway. “Calum, right? Good to see you again.”

“And I you…what are you doing down here?” Calum walked over to shake Harry’s hand.

“I’m your guinea pig,” Harry said sheepishly. 

The pixie glared up at him. “What…you’re new so they made you come down?”

“No, ma’am. I volunteered.” They gaped at him. “What? I…I think it could be quite educational. And if anything I can do helps us in the field, why shouldn’t I give up some of my time?”

“Can I marry you?” She asked breathlessly. 

“Really,” Calum said, shaking his head in disapproval. “Galahad, this is Bianca. Bianca, you’ve met Galahad.” He took Harry by the elbow and guided him to a chair. “And that’s Richard, Evan, Gloria and Daniel.” He pointed around the room and Harry nodded a hello at each person. “You really volunteered?”

“Yes,” Harry said. He was a bit embarrassed at all the attention. He also felt a bit sorry for the people in the department. Obviously the agents weren’t treating them with any sort of respect. “So…what may I do to assist?”

“Well…Evan should speak with you first, he’s got the most seniority,” Calum said. “I’ll be over here if you need…”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Calum, that’s bollocks and you know it.” Evan jumped to his feet and dug in what seemed to be Calum’s desk. “If you’d be so kind, Galahad?” He holds out a pair of glasses. Everyone runs over to a monitor across the room. 

“What am I supposed to do with these? My eyesight is perfect.” Harry looked up at Calum.

“Just put them on and don’t say anything,” Calum murmured. Harry obediently slid the glasses onto his face.

The group of employees started chattering excitedly, occasionally telling Harry to look up or down, left or right. “Nice bum, Calum,” Bianca said with a giggle. Harry and Calum both blushed, and Harry quickly looked somewhere else.

“I don’t understand,” he said finally.

“I invented them. They transmit what you’re seeing to a computer. That way your handler can see what you’re seeing, and guide you if necessary.”

“You’re joking,” Harry gasped.

Calum gently removed the glasses from Harry’s face. “Go over to them and look.”

Harry goes to the group as Calum takes his empty seat. “I don’t see…bloody hell.” Harry stares at the monitor as Calum’s hands appear.

“How many fingers?”

Merlin starts flashing fingers and the group starts yelling out answers. “Remarkable,” Harry said, shaking his head. 

“Calum’s a fucking genius,” Daniel says almost enviously. “He leaves us all in the dust. He’ll be Merlin some day, just you wait and see.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Harry returned to Calum and stared down at him. “You’re bloody incredible.”

“I don’t…” Calum whipped the glasses off his face. “I don’t know about that.”

Harry realized he was this close to falling to his knees and worshipping the man. He cleared his throat. “So…what else is there to play with in here?”

 

“You’re telling me it’s bulletproof.” Harry stared at Calum. “An umbrella.”

“Yes, Galahad,” Calum said patiently. “It’s also a gun with different settings.” He showed Harry how to change from setting to setting.

“Why are you here? Why aren’t you off winning Nobel Prizes or something?” Harry asked. Calum blushed.

“Oh, I’m not that good. I just had the idea and…”

“And it was another excuse to give you a new toy, Galahad,” Bianca said from her desk. “He’s in here until all hours of the night making things so you have to come down here.”

Calum turned flaming red and went back to his desk. “That’s very thoughtful of you to say, Bianca, but I highly doubt that’s true. Calum works hard for all the agents,” Harry said. “I’m probably just one of the more appreciative ones.” He followed Calum. “It’s truly spectacular, Calum. I can’t wait to use it.”

“Good,” Calum said, giving him another one of his shy smiles.

 

“Good God.” Harry stared at Calum. “What happened? Did you lose a bet?”

“Yes.” Calum ran a hand over his bald head. “What’s sad is that I don’t look that bad. I’m already an old man and I’m not even thirty.”

“Who did this to you?” Harry reached up without thinking and ran his hand over the smooth pate. 

Calum’s eyes fluttered shut and he moaned a bit. “I…uh…Gareth.”

“Gareth?”

“Boxing,” Calum answered, and it’s only then that Harry noticed the bruises on his cheekbone and jaw.

“Calum!” Harry gasped.

“I’m fine, Galahad.” Calum ducked his face away a bit and Harry realized he was reaching out to touch the man’s cheek. “I almost won...tripped over my own feet, pretty much.”

“Have you seen Gareth today, Agent Galahad?” Daniel asked with a grin. “Our boy here definitely sent him away looking much worse for wear.”

“Good,” Harry said grimly. “Sparring with someone who isn’t an agent. Ungentlemanly.”

“I box three nights a week, Harry,” Calum said quietly. “At least I used to…only go once a week now.”

“I like it,” Harry said suddenly. “I think it…does something for you. More room for those brains of yours.” Calum snorted but smiled. “And it brings out your eyes.” Harry’s own eyes widened as he heard what he’d said. “So, uh, why did you ask me to come down here.”

“Oh. I’m being promoted, in a way. I’ll be learning to handle missions.”

“What? No. I think that’s a horrible idea,” Harry said immediately. He hates the thought of Calum having to listen in on the bloodshed, the brutality.

“Why?” Calum asked. “I thought…I thought of all people, you’d think I was capable of the work.”

“Of course I think you’re capable! It’s just…a dirty job. You see things…and sometimes the agents don’t come back.” 

“I realize that, Harry, but I think I can handle it. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth,” Calum said with a tiny smile. “That’s it, though…it’s not because you think I’m not good enough?”

“On the contrary. I think you’re too good.”

“Good. Because my first mission is going to be one of yours.”

 

“The Fox and the Vixen and the rest of their kits will be arriving through the eastern entrance,” Calum told Harry.

“The Fox…the Vixen. Are you quite serious?” Harry checked his watch and his cufflinks. 

“Do you really have room to talk, Galahad?” Harry chuckled. “It’s what they’re called internationally. No one knows their real names. We don’t even have clear photographs. We only know he’s in his sixties with a young trophy wife. You simply have to get her away from him and draw him out into the corridor.”

“Yes, Calum. I know my mission.” Harry rolled his eyes. Calum’s been his handler for over a year now and they’ve finally found a comfortable working relationship. “Kill The Fox and leave the Vixen a wealthy widow with some suspicious funds in her bank account. It just seems so odd, being sent out to kill someone whose name I don’t even…” Harry’s attention is diverted to the eastern doorway. “There’s a large group coming in now. Yes, there’s a couple…” Harry’s blood run colds and he actually has to lean on the wall of the ballroom. “Jesus Christ.”

“Galahad…report. Are you compromised?”

“No, Calum, I’m fine,” Harry said faintly. “Just…a little warm in here.”

“Get yourself together and complete the mission.”

“Yes,” Harry whispered. “So sorry. There’s something going on with my glasses. I’m going dark.” He turned off the communication switch and put the glasses in his pocket. He took a few deep breaths and reevaluated the situation. He walked to the closest bar and asked for a glass of red wine. He took the glass and starts to stumble across the ballroom. He made sure to pass by the mark and stumble, dumping his drink down the man’s shirt front. “Indeed, sir. If you wanted a drink, you should have gotten your own,” he slurred drunkenly. He shoved past the man and headed for the corridor.

“I beg your pardon? Get back here so we can talk about how you’re going to pay to clean my suit!” The Fox yelled after him. Harry tumbled out into the hallway, praying the man followed him. He heard footsteps and turned around. “You slovenly…Harry?”

“Oh, Miles,” Harry said sadly, pulling out his gun. “Was it really worth it?”

 

Harry sat shivering in his office wearing only his trousers. He’d started to undress before realizing he wasn’t at his flat. He didn’t have the energy to dress and get moving, so he simply continued to sit on his sofa. He’d presented himself to Merlin upon his return, gave a quick report on his successful mission and then fled to his office.

The door flew open and he jumped. “What the hell was that, Harry? Do you know how that makes me look, you going off comms like that? I’m still proving myself in there, even after a year. It was so unprofessional of you. I don’t…” Calum stopped mid-rant and stared at him. “Sweet Jesus, Harry, are you all right? Were you injured?” Calum flew to his side and sat down.

“N-no. I need to go home, forgot I wasn’t there.” Harry sniffed a bit, holding back tears.

“Come on, Harry.” Calum stood up and held out his hand. “Let’s get you home.”

“My suit…” Harry vaguely waved in the direction of his shirt and jacket.

“We’ll get it later.” Calum pulled off his jumper and yanked it over Harry’s head. He had on a vest underneath but didn’t seem to mind the chill. “Let’s go.”

Harry obediently followed Calum onto the train and up through the deserted tailor shop. Calum called for a cab and Harry silently sat next to him in the backseat. Calum looked at him expectantly and Harry gave his address to the driver. 

Once they reached Harry’s flat, he quietly handed over his key and Calum let them in. “I…”

“What do you need, Harry?”

“I need to shower…need to change clothes,” Harry said faintly.

“Do you need my help?”

Harry slowly turned to look at him. There’d been more than one occasion when Harry had thought of Calum in the shower. “No, but…could you come upstairs?”

“Of course, Harry.”

Harry slowly led the way upstairs, showing Calum to his bedroom. “I’ll be quick.” He started to strip on the way down the hall, bringing Calum’s jumper along. He took a fast shower and bundled up in his favorite red dressing gown. He held Calum’s jumper to his chest as he padded back down the hall in his slippers. Calum was sitting on the edge of the bed and Harry plopped down next to him, still hugging the jumper. “Thank you,” he said dully. “You’re a good friend…yet I’ve never even had you over for dinner.”

“Like we have time to socialize,” Calum tried to joke.

“I could make time. For you I’d make time.”

Calum swallowed hard. “Harry, are you sure you’re all right?”

“Miles Stilton.”

“Pardon me, Harry?”

“Miles Stilton.”

“I’m sorry…who is Miles Stilton?”

“The Fox,” Harry whispered. “His name is Miles Stilton.”

Calum gasped. “Harry, how do you…”

“He’s my godfather. WAS my godfather.”

“Oh my God.” Calum stared at him. “Are you sure?” Harry slowly turned to look at him. “I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous. Of course you’re sure.”

“All the intel was so vague, the pictures so blurry and grainy. I never put the pieces together. He’s made of money, so I just…he’s not evil, Calum. He’s not!” Harry insisted. “He donates to charity every year. He gives to the local schools. He taught me to hunt and took my fishing. When my father died, he helped my mother manage everything. He assisted me when I was preparing everything for university.” Harry slowly let his head fall onto Calum’s shoulder. “I’ve only come out to three people in my family. He was one of them.” 

“Oh, Harry. I’m so sorry.” Calum paused before putting an arm around Harry’s shoulder.

“He admitted it, Calum. I held a gun to his head and he admitted it…and didn’t even seem sorry. He only apologized that I had to find out in such a manner.” Tears started to fall. “And then I shot him.”

Harry began to sob. Calum turned and held him, pulling Harry’s head onto his chest. “You did your job, Harry. You did it so very well. Kingsman puts us all through such horrible things. You were so brave to take care of it. I cannot even imagine how hard it was for you.”

“I’m sorry I turned off the comms,” Harry gasped through his tears. “I’ll explain everything to Arthur and Merlin tomorrow. I don’t want you to get into trouble.”

“Oh, fuck that,” Calum snapped. “This isn’t about me.”

Harry allowed Calum to continue to hold him, welcoming the warmth and security of his arms. He felt Calum start to stroke his hair and he sighed a little, cuddling in a little closer. HE realized what he was doing and froze. He slowly pulled back. “I’m sorry, Calum. I’m sorry you had to see this, sorry I fell apart all over you.”

“You said it yourself, Harry. I’m your friend. It’s what friends do.” Calum smiled at him and reached up to wipe Harry’s tears away. “Oh…I beg your pardon.” He started to pull his hand away but Harry grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t,” he said before he could stop himself. “Don’t stop.”

“Harry,” Calum said, reaching up to touch Harry’s cheek. Harry started to lean in, hesitated, then leaned in again. Calum met him halfway, lips briefly brushing over Harry’s. Calum pulled away and stared at him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…taking advantage…”

“Bollocks,” Harry murmured, moving in again. He placed his hand on the back of Calum’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss. Calum whimpered a bit, hand moving up to run through Harry’s hair. “Yes…oh, Calum…”

“Harry,” Calum moaned and suddenly Harry forgot how to breathe. He wanted to drown in the taste of Calum’s mouth. Calum’s lips slide down his throat and he gasps. “Oh, fuck, Harry, I’ve wanted to kiss you for ages now, but I never thought…”

“I wish you would have.”

Somehow they fall back onto the bed, hands roaming and mouths kissing every bit of skin they can find. Harry wriggled out of his dressing gown, nimble fingers yanking at Calum’s clothes as well. Suddenly they’re both naked, writhing on Harry’s bed and reaching out for one another. “Jesus, Harry, you’re so gorgeous.” Calum’s large hands were everywhere, pinching nipples, squeezing at Harry’s backside. 

Harry rolled himself on top of Calum, grinding their cocks together. “Not as gorgeous as you. You’ve been hiding all this under those jumpers?”

Calum groaned, clutching at Harry’s arse, urging him to rock against him. “Couldn’t let just anyone know…perhaps I was saving it for you.”

“My lucky day,” Harry growled, biting at Calum’s neck. He wanted to kiss Calum all over, suck his cock, find out what he tasted like, but not now. It was too frantic, the need too strong. “I want you to come, Calum…want to see it.”

Calum pushed Harry onto his side so he could reach for Harry’s cock. “Yes…Harry…yes…” 

Harry took the hot thickness of Calum and stroked him, thumb rubbing over the head. “Kiss me…oh fuck, kiss me, Calum…”

It didn’t take long before they’re panting into each other’s shoulders, hands working hard and fast. Calum went first, spurting into Harry’s hand and swearing. Harry bit down on Calum’s shoulder as he followed, teeth worrying a purple mark into the strong skin. “Jesus.” Calum fell back onto the bed, panting for breath.

“My sentiments exactly.” Harry fell back next to him, an arm over his face. 

“If it makes any difference, I’m proud of you for what you did tonight,” Calum said quietly.

Harry leaned up on an elbow. “It makes all the difference in the world.” He leaned in and gently kissed him.

 

They didn’t put a name on it. They weren’t boyfriends, they weren’t lovers. He hated the term, but it definitely applied…friends with benefits. Nothing was ever said or done at HQ; no one must ever think they’re anything more than just friends. Kingsman doesn’t have a problem with homosexuality, but they might just have a problem with the idea of favoritism between one of the best handlers and inventors R&D has ever seen, and one of the best agents in Kingsman history. When they’re horny, they fuck. When they’re lonely, they fool around and talk into the wee hours of the night. That’s what Harry told himself. 

What he refused to tell himself was that he missed Calum – now Merlin – when he wasn’t around. More than once a day he found himself wanting to call Calum and tell him a funny joke or an interesting bit of information. He wanted to spend their nights not just having sex, but curled up on a sofa, watching the news or a movie. Maybe even going out to a movie, or out to dinner. The thought scared the hell out of him, because he’s fairly certain Calum wouldn’t want that. And he can’t bear the thought of losing his best friend. 

 

“What the hell were you thinking, Galahad?” Merlin said angrily. He was standing behind the Table, hands flat on the surface, leaning in as far as he could to glare at Harry. “Did I start speaking another language and not realize it? I am fairly fluent in Gaelic, but I’m certain I was speaking English when I told you to fall back!”

“An opportunity presented itself and I took it,” Harry said calmly, although it was taking everything in him not to stand and retaliate. He won’t, however, not with Arthur sitting a few feet away. 

“You could have lost the intel. You could have blown your cover. Oh, and you could have been bloody killed!”

“There are times an agent needs to assess what’s in front of him and make the quick decision. Which is what I did. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Merlin. When was the last time you were in the field? The nineteen-eighties?” Harry regretted the words as soon as he said then. One of Calum’s biggest regrets was that he’d never gotten to finish training as an agent, that he hadn’t been good enough. Harry was one of the few people who knew it, and he’d just thrown it in his friend’s face. “Merlin, I…”

“That would be correct,” Merlin said coldly. “Probably right around the last time you had a thought about something other than your suit, your cock, or your ego.” Merlin stepped back from the table. “If you continue to disobey my orders, Galahad, I will be forced to assign someone else as your handler.” Merlin looked at Arthur. “May I go, sir? I have a few things I’d like to finish before I leave tonight.”

“Of course, Merlin. Dismissed. Galahad, please remain. I need to have a word with you.”

“Yes, sir,” Harry said, watching Calum walk out the door. 

 

As soon as he could Harry made his way down to Merlin’s office. He knocked and entered without waiting. “Calum, fuck, I’m so damn sorry. I was a complete and utter berk. I felt cornered, knew I’d done wrong, and…”

“It’s fine, Harry,” his friend said wearily. “I understand. We both said things we shouldn’t have and…”

“No. What I said was much worse. I know how much you wanted to be an agent, and I threw that in your face. You are the best thing that ever happened to Kingsman…and I must say we’re quite lucky that you are no longer an agent but are guiding us in the field.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you really forgive me?” Harry walked over to where Calum stood by his desk. He put his arms around him and kissed his cheek.

“Of course, Harry.” Calum allowed the hug.

“So, do you want to come over tonight after you’re done? We could order in Chinese, could…”

“No, not tonight.” Calum slowly worked out of the embrace. “I have a lot to do, and I’m not sure when I’ll be finished.”

“All right.” Harry looked at him, sadness slowly pouring over him. “We’re good, you and me?”

“Of course, Harry,” Calum said again, although this time his tone is a bit warmer, his eyes fond. “You’re my best mate.”

“And you’re mine. The best friend I’ve ever had.” Harry gave him a smile. “I’ll see you later.”

They never slept together again.

 

Harry watched Calum grow as Merlin and soon forgot that he’d ever been anything but a wizard. Harry listened to Calum praise his work and listened to Calum curse him after a mission and listened to Calum roar when he came back without one of his precious gadgets. He watched Calum sleep at his desk and watched him sleep in a very uncomfortable chair by Harry’s hospital bed when he finally woke up from a months-long coma. 

He also watched Calum’s eyes start to light up when Harry’s recruit, a brash young chav named Eggsy Unwin, walked into a room. He watched Calum fall head over heels in love with a boy half his age, and watched Calum’s world change when Eggsy returned that love.

He didn’t listen as his own heart finally broke and rehealed itself, pushing the Calum-shaped parts far down to the bottom. And thankfully he didn’t remember saying the words that hurt both Calum and his dear boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Best Friend - Tim McGraw


	7. Just a Friend

_But you say he’s just a friend…you say he’s just a friend_

 

“Harry. Harry.” Merlin gently shakes Harry’s shoulder. He almost hates to waken him. It’s been an emotional time for all of them, and Harry’s looking relaxed and peaceful as he sleeps. He knows Harry’s due for pain medication, however, and wants him to eat before he takes it. “Wake up, you old fool.”

“Mmm, Calum,” Harry says with a sleepy grin and Merlin’s heart skips. Harry rarely calls him that anymore, referring to him as Merlin almost all of the time. Harry’s eyes widen, even the robotic one. “I’m sorry…how long did I sleep?” He struggles to sit up, blushing a bit.

“Just an hour. You needed the rest, I’m sure.” Merlin helps Harry to his feet. “All right?”

“Yes.” Harry sighs. “I really don’t think I need someone to watch over me, but I appreciate you letting me stay here. After everything, I didn’t expect…”

“Harry.” Merlin takes him by the shoulders and gently leans their foreheads together. “You are my best friend, and we know how Eggsy feels about you. Of course we’re going to look after you.”

“The two of you are far too good to me.”

“True,” Merlin admits. Harry pokes him.

“Merlin, didya fall asleep in here? Dinner’s on tha table an…” Eggsy freezes in the doorway. “Well. I get that ya don’t wanna talk about what ya did in tha past, but fuck, if yer gonna get it on again, can ya at least let me know so I can watch, or record it, or somethin’?”

Harry gapes at Merlin. “I know,” Merlin says with a sigh. “It’s hard getting used to. He’s in his twenties, you must remember. He says things like this all the time.”

“Not around me he doesn’t,” Harry points out as if Eggsy’s not right there.

“You’re not in a professional setting, now, are you?” Merlin says. He looks at his boyfriend. “Behave yourself, lad. You’re embarrassing Harry.”

“No I’m not,” Eggsy says at the same time Harry protests, “No he’s not.”

“Go set the table, brat,” Merlin says to Eggsy. Eggsy winks and scampers off. 

“Well, at least he doesn’t seem angry,” Harry says. 

“He’s had a few beers,” Merlin admits and Harry frowns. “But you’re right. He trusts us, and if we tell him nothing’s going on, he’ll believe us.”

“Maybe I should just eat dinner in here,” Harry says, looking at the bed. 

“Maybe you should stop talking like an idiot,” Merlin snaps. “We’re friends. What happened happened. Time to move on.”

“Yes, sir, Merlin,” Harry says, and Merlin makes a face. “I’ll just go wash my hands.”

“All right.” Merlin wanders off toward the kitchen.

 

Harry goes into the small downstairs loo, uses the toilet, and washes his hands. He splashes water on his face to wake up and looks at himself in the mirror. He winces as he reaches back and touches the lump on his head. That’s going to hurt for a while. 

When he reaches the doorway to the kitchen, he stops in the entryway and smiles to himself. Eggsy’s trying to get dishes out of the cupboard but is having a difficult time of it, since Merlin’s pressed up behind him, pinning him to the counter. “Ya told me ta set tha table.”

“No one’s stopping you,” Merlin murmurs, kissing behind Eggsy’s ear. 

Eggsy giggles and dips his head and Harry thinks it’s absolutely adorable. Since Eggsy obviously is feeling a bit better about the whole situation, Harry decides to follow his lead. “I didn’t realize I’d get dinner and a show. This rehabilitation facility is getting better and better.”

“We charge extra fer this, ya Peepin’ Harry,” Eggsy says without turning around. “I’m sorry dinner’s not ready. If someone would stop molestin’ me, I’d get tha table set.”

“Like you hated it,” Merlin points out, nipping at Eggsy’s throat before pulling away. He winks at Harry and goes to the stove.

“Just pasta, ‘arry, hope that’s okay.” Eggsy puts plates and silverware on the table. “Some bread we picked up yesterday.”

“I’m grateful for everything you’re doing for me, Eggsy, so I wouldn’t dare complain. But it smells delicious,” Harry says honestly. “What can I do to help?”

“Sit and get out of the way…you’re our guest.” Merlin gives Harry a gentle nudge towards a chair.

Harry watches Eggsy as they begin to eat, and he does seem more relaxed. He’s drinking another beer but doesn’t seem too intoxicated. Just…happy. He starts asking Harry questions about missions in the past and Harry eagerly tells tales, especially if they involve Merlin looking bad. Merlin shoots him annoying glances and threatens him with his butter knife, but it’s obvious that he’s pleased Eggsy’s all right with the three of them spending time together. He doesn’t feel threatened.

“How’d you two meet, anyway. Ya in tha same trainin’ class? Can’t believe I don’t know that.” Eggsy licks sauce off his spoon and Harry’s momentarily transfixed by the sight. Merlin snickers and kicks him under the table.

“No. I was actually in the class before Harry’s,” Merlin says, and he sounds a bit sad. Eggsy looks concerned.

“From what I’ve heard, they figured out almost immediately that Merlin’s talents were wasted as a simple agent,” Harry says quickly. “They swooped in, took him out of the recruitment group, and dropped him into R and D. He didn’t get to finish his training.”

“Wow. You must’ve done something ta impress them, babe.” Eggsy smiles at Merlin, who gives Harry a grateful look. 

“I’m not sure if you’re aware, Eggsy, but your boyfriend invented the glasses we wear.”

“Harry, that’s not…”

“Shut…up.” Eggsy’s mouth drops open. “Calum…”

“AND the Rainmaker umbrella.”

“Babe!” Eggsy gasps. “Why didn’t ya ever tell me?”

“I figured you knew, I suppose.” Merlin looks down at his pasta, face bright red. 

“I…fuck.” Eggsy jumps out of his seat, bends over Merlin, and gives him a passionate kiss. “Sweet Jesus, why’d I invite ‘arry ta stay over? Could be doin’ somethin’ else on this table right now,” Harry hears him murmur into Merlin’s mouth.

“I could go back to my room,” Harry says with a grin, catching Merlin’s eye over Eggsy’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” Eggsy says, not looking at all apologetic. “It’s just…his brain…it’s tha sexiest thing about him.”

“It is quite attractive,” Harry observes. “However, you didn’t see him with hair.”

Eggsy turns on Harry. “You knew him with hair?” Harry nods. “He won’t even show me a picture of him with hair.”

“I might have one.” Harry calmly twirls pasta onto his fork and puts it into his mouth.

The pasta almost goes shooting across the table when Eggsy solemnly says, “Harry, I will blow you fer a chance ta see that picture.”

Harry chokes and Merlin thumps him on the back. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Eggsy,” Merlin says, shaking his head. “You’d blow him even without the chance to see a picture.”

Eggsy bursts out laughing and starts choking as well. “I’m beginning to think Medical might have been a safer bet for me,” Harry says weakly, grinning at Merlin.

“It’s definitely quieter…and more well-behaved,” Merlin agrees.

They finish their meal and Harry offers to help clean up. “Are you insane?” Eggsy asks, frowning at him. “Jesus, ‘arry, yer like tha worst patient ever.”

“You’ve sat by his bedside enough, Eggsy. You know how he is.” Merlin dries the last dish and puts it away. He looks at the clock and then at Harry. “Time for your meds, Harry.”

“I am perfectly capable of managing such things, Merlin,” Harry says sternly. “But thank you just the same.” He reaches out and takes the bottle Merlin hands him.

“Such a good friend,” Eggsy coos, kissing Merlin’s cheek. He looks at the other men. “Now what?”

“Well, we could…” Merlin looks a bit embarrassed. “Our evenings are quite dull, Harry. We normally just watch television, or I’ll do some work while he plays on his phone, or…”

“Or we fuck,” Eggsy says helpfully, just to see the reaction he’ll get. He’s been doing that all night and so far he hasn’t been disappointed. He’s always seen Harry as something superhuman, and now it’s so different. He’s someone who’s loved and lost, who made stupid mistakes and lived to regret it. For the first time, Eggsy feels more like Harry’s equal. 

“I have no problems watching television, or just sitting around talking. As for the fucking, well, I am sorry to say I’m not quite at my best physically right now, so I’d just have to observe and take notes.”

Eggsy gapes at Harry. That was NOT what he’d expected. “Well, I’ll take a raincheck on that then. Although I’d be very interested in seein’ yer notes.”

“I’m beginning to regret agreeing to have you stay here,” Merlin says to Harry. “He really doesn’t need such a willing audience for his smart mouth.”

“Ya love my smart mouth,” Eggsy reminds him, giving him a tender kiss and licking his nose. “I have an idea. Let’s settle in tha parlor.”

“All right,” Merlin looks suspicious but Eggsy gives him his best smile.

Eggsy makes sure Harry’s comfortable on the sofa, actually tucking a blanket around him. “I don’t need a nursemaid, my boy,” Harry says, but he looks up at him with such a warm smile that Eggsy gets goosebumps.

“Let him go, Harry. He likes taking care of people, making sure they’re comfortable.” Merlin gives Eggsy a fond look. “So, what’s this idea of yours, lad?”

“A bit of Never Have I Ever,” Eggsy says triumphantly. “Without the booze, of course, cuz ‘arry’s on some pretty strong pain meds.” They stare at him. “Bad idea?”

“I couldn’t say, since I have no clue what you’re talking about,” Harry says regretfully. Merlin shrugs.

“What? You’ve never played it?” They shrug as one. “Jesus…fuckin’ dinosaurs, I tell ya.” 

“Remember that I control which missions you go on, lad,” Merlin growls. He sits at the opposite end of the sofa from Harry, which is fine with Eggsy. He’d rather be able to see them both anyway. 

Eggsy sits in Merlin’s chair and curls up. He can smell Merlin on the upholstery and sighs a bit. “All right. Ya take turns makin’ a statement. For example, if I said, “Never have I ever changed a nappy,” if ya HAVE done it, ya drink, an’ then ya talk about when it happened an’ all that. But tha questions are usually a bit more…intimate. Good fun.”

“So why are we doing it if we can’t drink?” Harry asks.

“Cuz we got nothin’ better ta do, it won’t stress yer injuries none, an’ I got stuff I wanna know.”

“Fair enough,” Harry says. “And shall we just raise a hand if we’ve done whatever is asked?”

“Sure,” Eggsy answers. “All right. Start off easy. Never have I…oh, always thought that sounded stupid. I’ve never kissed a woman.”

They look at each other and no one raises their hand. Eggsy stares at Merlin in shock. “What?”

“Ya told me you’ve been gay yer whole life.”

“I have. Doesn’t mean I didn’t try it out once,” Merlin says defensively.

“Interesting,” Eggsy says. “Go ahead, Harry.”

“All right. I’ve never been arrested.” Harry’s hand is the only one that goes up.

“Calum!” Eggsy yells. “What tha fuck? Two questions in an’ I’m already feelin’ like I don’t know ya at all.”

“I was young…it wasn’t my fault,” Merlin protests. “There might have been alcohol and someone’s prize-winning hog involved.”

Eggsy almost falls off his chair laughing. “Fuck, babe, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard ya say!”

“I’ve never had sex in the backseat of a car,” Merlin begins, and Eggsy’s hand goes up. “…while someone else is driving.”

Eggsy drops his hand as Harry’s slowly goes up. “Shut…up.”

“This isn’t fair. You’re going to pick questions that make me reveal things to Eggsy that you already know,” Harry complains.

“Like he can’t do tha same ta you. What tha fuck, ‘arry?”

“It was for a mission. I will say, though, that it was one of my better moments. I was undercover trying to bring down a ring of bank robbers. We were in the getaway car…she orgasmed just as we returned to their home base.”

“Incredible,” Eggsy whispers. “I’ve never been so drunk that I passed out and woke up in another country.” Merlin gapes at him when he’s the only one that raises his hand. “That mission in China. Woke up in fuckin’ India…no clue how I got there.”

“Lovely,” Harry comments. “I’ve never done something ridiculously stupid to my body because I lost a bet.” He pointedly stares at Merlin, who bashfully raises his hand.

Eggsy raises his as well but looks at Merlin. “That’s why ya shaved yer head? On a bet? Harry, what did ya bet him?”

“It wasn’t me. And what did YOU do?”

“Lost a bet ta Jamal about who could lift a bloke’s wallet faster. I lost…shaved my junk.”

“But it’s still shaved,” Merlin blurts out. 

Eggsy grins. “Liked how smooth it felt, didn’t I? An’ I don’t hear you complainin’.”

“No,” Merlin says faintly. He takes a deep breath. “I’ve never lusted after my boyfriend’s best friend.”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” Harry says, smiling pleasantly as he keeps his hands folded in front of him. He looks at Eggsy and raises an eyebrow.

“Yer a fuckin’ wanker, babe,” Eggsy says, raising his hand. “Fine. I’ve never imagined my current lover and my best friend together.” He smiles triumphantly at Merlin, who slowly raises his hand. 

Harry stares at Merlin. “You’ve…you’ve imagined Eggsy and I together?”

“Of course I have. You’re the two most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. I’m home alone when Eggsy’s on a mission…sometimes I need to spice up my fantasies a bit.” He quickly looks at Eggsy. “Not that you aren’t enough of a fantasy for me, my Eggsy.”

“You knew about this?” Harry asks Eggsy.

“I suspected. Good way ta find out, though, right?”

“I think…I think I’ll go to bed,” Harry says, unwrapping himself from the blanket.

Eggsy’s disappointed. “But I didn’t get ta ask my other questions.”

“Let’s see.” Harry thinks for a moment. “If you don’t mind, Merlin.” Merlin shrugs and waves a hand. “Our best position was sixty-nine, because you’re both top and bottom. I loved it when Merlin bit me, especially on the hips. He once blew me in the supply closet on the third floor, and we got locked in, and ended up jacking each other to orgasm twice more in the two hours we were stuck there. Oh, and his hair is brown and straight, with a tiny curl behind each ear. Good night, Eggsy.”

For the first time in his life Eggsy is completely speechless. He lets out something that sounds like “bwah.”

“Keep your glasses by the bed, Harry, and contact us if you need anything in the night,” Merlin says over his laughter.

 

“You were in rare form tonight, my Eggsy,” Merlin says as they prepare for bed. He’s already laying down in his pajama bottoms.

“I wanted ta make Harry relax, let him know we’s good, ya know? It didn’t backfire, did it? I mean, he wasn’t uncomfortable?” Eggsy looks sad and Merlin just has to get up and kiss him. 

“No, he would have told you if he was. It was a nice evening. I just hope he doesn’t have problems sleeping.” Merlin climbs back into bed and Eggsy joins him.

“Did ya tell tha truth, Calum? Do ya really think about me an’ ‘arry when I’m not here?”

“Not every time, but it’s happened once or twice.” He leans over and turns out the light, grateful for the darkness.

“Tell me,” a warm voice whispers in his ear and suddenly Eggsy’s sprawled over him.

“Jesus, lad.”

“I wanna know, babe. What do we do?”

“Eggsy…”

“Tell me,” Eggsy whispers. Merlin feels Eggsy wriggle around a bit and then his hands are on Eggsy’s naked arse. “But ya gotta keep it down…’arry’s sleepin’.” 

“Well…you’re mouthing off to him, of course, and he has to put you in his place.”

“Oh DOES he now?” Eggsy says, and Merlin can hear the grin even if he can’t see Eggsy’s face. 

“But it’s different than when I do it. He pins you down, uses his hands instead of his words.” Merlin gasps as Eggsy straddles his waist and pins his hands above his head.

“Like this?”

“Yes,” Merlin says, groaning as his cock starts to harden. “He holds you down the whole time, even when he’s fucking you.”

“Christ, Calum,” Eggsy moans, licking a line up Merlin’s chest. 

“And he doesn’t touch your cock.” Merlin pulls a hand away and starts to stroke Eggsy. “He pins you down and makes you come just by his cock in your arse.”

“I need you.” Eggsy releases Merlin and pulls Merlin’s pants down. He gets the lube and straddles Merlin’s thighs. Merlin hears a small gasp and knows Eggsy’s working himself open. “Tell me more.”

“Sometimes he makes you bend yourself in half, makes you hold your ankles up by your ears so he can fuck you hard. And then he doesn’t come inside you…he makes you stay that way and comes all over your cock and balls…”

“Calum,” Eggsy moans. “Fuck me, please…oh fuck…” A lube-slick hand moves over Merlin’s cock. 

“Ride me, if you need it so badly, lad,” Merlin manages.

“Yessss…” Eggsy hisses, sliding down onto Merlin. “God, Calum…so big…so fuckin’ perfect inside me…”

“My favorite fantasy is one that would never happen, because neither of you is good at taking orders.” Merlin grips Eggsy’s hips, shoving into him as hard as he can. Eggsy grunts on each thrust, fingers digging into Merlin’s chest. “You’d be together in bed, and I’d be in each of your ears, telling you exactly what to do, how to move, what to touch. You wouldn’t come until I told you.”

“Oh, fuck, babe, that’s so hot.” One of Merlin’s hand reaches up to stroke Eggsy’s cock. “Love tha thought of you strokin’ yer cock, touchin’ yerself as ya think of me an’ ‘arry…”

“It’s only because it’s you, lad. Would never fantasize about anyone else.” Suddenly it’s very important to Merlin that Eggsy know this.

“I know, babe, I know.” Eggsy gasps as Merlin’s grip tightens and his hand moves faster. “Fuck, gonna come…fuck…”

“Eggsy…oh my Eggsy…” Merlin groans as Eggsy’s entire body tightens, his hands clenching Merlin’s chest so hard he winces.

“Calum…Calum…” Merlin feels Eggsy jerk in his hand before wetness spreads through his fingers. 

“My love,” Merlin whispers, shoving up and coming deep in his boy’s arse. 

Eggsy pants for a moment before slowly loosening his grip. “Oh, fuck, sorry, Calum.” He slowly gets up and off the bed. He comes back with a damp flannel and cleans Merlin off before going to the loo and washing himself. 

Merlin gets his pants back on and crawls under the covers. Eggsy joins him and snuggles close. “Well…didn’t expect that to come from a game of…what do you call it again?”

“Never Have I Ever,” Eggsy says with a grin.

“Never have I ever been so in love,” Merlin whispers. Eggsy kisses his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a Friend - Biz Markie


	8. I Dreamed a Dream

_But the tigers come at night/with their voices soft as thunder_

 

Eggsy wakes at around half two in the morning, wrapped in a Merlin cocoon that makes him grin into the darkness. He stretches and winces slightly, grinning every bigger. He definitely doesn’t mind that kind of ache. He slowly starts to slither out of bed, and just as he makes it to the edge, a hand clamps down on his shoulder. “Where do you think you’re going, lad?”

“Snack,” Eggsy whispers. “Ya fucked me hungry, babe.”

Merlin snorts into his pillow. “Idiot.”

Eggsy pulls on his pajama bottoms and slippers and goes downstairs. He heads for the kitchen and makes himself a snack, standing at the counter to eat it while he scrolls around a bit on his phone. He rinses his plate and milk glass and is headed back upstairs when he hears something. He quickly grabs his Rainmaker from its stand and tiptoes down the hall. He stops short when he realizes the noise is coming from the guest room. Harry shouts and Eggsy quickly opens the door. Harry’s thrashing about in his bed, arms flailing, yelling for Eggsy and Merlin in his sleep.

“Fuck, ‘arry…ya can’t…” Eggsy can only think about the tender wound in Harry’s side. He turns on the bedside lamp and reaches for Harry’s hands. “Harry…Haz, mate…it’s me…it’s Eggsy.” He slowly kneels on the bed, tenderly holding Harry’s hands in his. “Haz…bruv…”

Harry sits up suddenly, gasping for breath. Eggsy allows him to pull his hands away and he stares at Eggsy. “Eggsy.”

“Yeah, ‘arry. It’s me. Yer all right,” Eggsy says soothingly. “Yer all right.”

“I…I beg your pardon,” Harry says. “My apologies.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare apologize fer havin’ a nightmare, ya stupid fuck,” Eggsy says, glaring at him. “Didn’t waken me, I was already downstairs. Heard ya yell. Now lemme see yer side…hope ya didn’t bust anythin’.” Eggsy checks the bandages, which haven’t loosened. “Don’t look like it bled through or anythin’. Lemme get yer meds an’ some water.” He hurries out of the room and comes back with two pills and a glass of water.

“Thank you.” Harry takes the pills and sips at the water. “Very kind of you to take care of me.”

“Very kind? Fuck, ‘arry. You’ve saved my life literally AND figuratively. Guess I owe you a few.” Harry hands Eggsy the glass and he places it on the nightstand. “Lay back down.” 

Harry obeys, rolling his eyes as Eggsy fixes the blankets around him. “Eggsy, could…never mind.”

“Course I can,” Eggsy says, knowing what Harry wants. He turns off the light and lays down on top of the covers. He lays his head on Harry’s shoulder and wraps an arm around his waist. Harry stiffens for a moment, then starts to relax.

“I had nightmares as a child,” Harry says into the darkness. “I always thought something was in my closet. I was afraid to leave the door open. But my mother told me I was being a baby, and forced the staff to leave it open. There were many nights that I never slept. There was one nanny, a darling woman, who would shut the door every night and then tiptoe in early in the morning to open it again so Mother wouldn’t know.”

“Me an’ Jamal watched “Poltergeist” way before we should’ve. Scary shite happened in that closet, too. Still won’t sleep with the closet door open,” Eggsy tells him, and Harry chuckles. “Ya never talk about yer family.”

“Not much to talk about. Old money, no emotions.”

“You got emotions.”

“With certain people. You. Merlin.”

“M’glad,” Eggsy says, snuggling in closer and hugging Harry carefully. “Yer my best mate, too, ya know, ‘arry.”

“But Jamal...”

“He’s my oldest mate, true, but I can tell ya everythin’. Don’t gotta lie.”

“True,” Harry says, nodding. “I have nightmares about the church,” he says finally. “Not as many as I used to, but they still come. I’m killing everyone, and I’m enjoying it. And then I turn around…” Eggsy feels Harry shiver.

“It’s okay, ‘arry. Don’t gotta talk about it.”

“You and Merlin are there,” Harry whispers. “You’re watching me, shaking your heads. I try to explain that I couldn’t help myself, but you don’t believe me.”

“And that’s why it’s a dream, Haz. Cuz that would never be true. We know what happened. I watched it, remember? I know it weren’t you.”

“I know.”

“Do ya? Ya know we don’t ever judge you fer that. We saw firsthand what that damn chip did ta everyone. We know it weren’t you.” 

“I believe you.”

“Just go ta sleep, ‘arry, okay? I got ya. No more nightmares tonight.”

“You should get back to bed.”

“Merlin sleeps like tha dead, seriously. He probably don’t even know I’m gone. An’ I’m takin’ tha day off ta spend with you.”

“THERE’S the true nightmare,” Harry says and Eggsy pokes him in his uninjured side.

“Tosser.”

 

Merlin wakes up with his alarm and is surprised to find himself alone in bed. He remembered Eggsy getting up to have a snack, and figured he’d probably stayed downstairs on the sofa to keep from disturbing Merlin upon his return. Merlin got up and did his usual morning things before wandering downstairs to find some breakfast. He’s surprised to find the sofa empty. Eggsy’s keys are on their usual peg by the door, so he knows he’s still in the house. There’s only one place left to look, although what he finds there shocks and amuses him.

Harry’s curled up under the covers, hair curly and messy on the pillow. Eggsy is snuggled next to him, his head on Harry’s shoulder with an arm across Harry’s waist. Merlin’s not concerned; Eggsy isn’t even under the covers. He tiptoes to the closet, gets out an extra blanket, and drapes it over his boyfriend before going back to the kitchen to make his breakfast.

 

Merlin had always hoped that someday he and Eggsy and Harry could spend quality time together. So often Kingsman got in the way, and they’d barely managed to find time for a quick drink after hours. But work has been “quiet,” surprisingly, and Eggsy isn’t needed out in the field. Arthur doesn’t mind him taking some time off to look after Galahad. After the third day, however, Merlin realizes he isn’t above begging Arthur to bring Gawain back into work.

Galahad and Gawain are deadly together in the field, but at home? They are the stuff of nightmares. Merlin feels like he’s living with two teenage girls. Eggsy’s hero worship leads him to ask Harry to tell stories about past missions, and for once he has the time to do so. Merlin has cameras installed throughout the house, of course (for safety’s sake, NOT because he likes to watch his boyfriend walk around in his skimpy workout clothes), so he’s privy to quite a few interesting scenes. He winces as he hears Harry tell Eggsy about how he and Merlin actually met, when they literally ran into each other in the hall. He ends up sounding like quite the computer geek, although Eggsy looks enthralled when Harry describes the first time he used something that Merlin invented. “He’s tha fuckin’ guv, isn’t he, ‘arry?” “You are absolutely correct, my boy.”

Then they get bored of stories and Eggsy introduces Harry to the joys of online shopping. “Jeans, ‘arry. Ya need one pair.” “I do not need jeans, Eggsy.” “Oh, but think how easy it would be fer you ta pull in those…would shape yer arse, wouldn’t they, an’ yer legs would look endless.” “They ARE on sale.”

Eggsy decides to show Harry his flexibility one day, and Merlin almost comes at his desk when Eggsy lays on the floor and starts contorting himself. “Jesus Christ, my boy,” Harry says weakly. “Are you sure that’s healthy?”

“Not fer like hours or anythin’. But it’s a cute little party trick, ain’t it? Merlin about passed out tha first time I did that.”

“I can see why,” Harry says, retrieving a handkerchief from his trouser pocket and mopping at his brow. 

Merlin comes home one day and finds them in the backyard, Harry holding a broom and Eggsy his rainmaker. “And then you lunge like so…but you need to always be alert, my boy.”

“What the bloody hell is going on here?” Merlin almost yells. “Harry Hart, you are recuperating from an injury.”

“Teachin’ me how ta fence, isn’t he?” Eggsy says with a beaming grin. “Can be like Errol Flynn. Fuckin’ sick…dunno why we didn’t do this before.”

“Because Kingsmen don’t do a lot of fencing,” Merlin hisses. “And also because that is NOT a sword, it is a deadly weapon.” Merlin swipes the umbrella out of Eggsy’s hands.

Eggsy snorts and puts a hand over his mouth. Harry’s lips twitch as he tries not to smile. “Didya hear what ya just said, mate? “That is NOT a sword, it’s a deadly weapon.” What tha fuck?”

Merlin replays it in his mind and admits that it doesn’t make sense. “The two of you…you need a babysitter.” He realizes he’s just about to stomp his foot and turns around to go back into the house. He hears them actually giggling as he walks away, and he smiles. He wonders when, if ever, Harry giggled last.

Eggsy cooks that evening and Merlin cleans up. Harry and Eggsy retreat to the small library, where Harry proceeds to reorganize Merlin’s bookshelves. Merlin comes in ready to bellow, but freezes in the hall when he hears Harry talking. “He loved his dog so much. He was quite excited to bring it home to you when he passed training.”

“What kind of dog was it?”

“Border collie. Beautiful girl named Shelby.”

“What happened to her?”

“One of the mechanics took her. He had a nice property outside the city so she’d have room to run around.”

“Good. I bet she…bet she missed him. Wondered why he didn’t come back.” Merlin can hear the tears in his boy’s voice and almost runs into the room. “But…but he were brave, right, ‘arry? Like even before tha end?”

“Oh, my boy, you have no idea,” Harry says softly as he slides a volume of Tolstoy onto a shelf. “I see so much of him in you. He was friendly with everyone, but he took training quite seriously. We had something similar to the drowning test…but it didn’t involve water. It did involve a planted trainee going to her fake death…but he saw her and saved her.”

“He did?”

“Yes. At risk of failing the test, actually.” Harry sighs. “I’m not sure why I haven’t spoken of him to you before. I’m sorry.”

“Do…do ya think he’d be proud of me, ‘arry? I mean, my life was shite before Kingsman, obviously, so he wouldn’t like all that, but…”

“Yes, he would be proud of you, Eggsy, for all of it. I know what you took from Dean in order to protect your mother. I know what kind of work you did to put food on the table, to make sure your sister was taken care of.”

“Oh,” Eggsy says sadly. “Ya know about that. I know Calum does, but…”

“When I proposed you, we had to do a thorough workup on you, including your history. We spoke to people, looked at camera footage around the city. And as you know, neither Merlin nor myself think any less of you for it.”

“But my dad…”

“Your father would be very proud, as I said. He left you to be the man of the house, and you did everything a man could for his family, even before you were actually a man.”

“Sometimes I wonder what he’d think about me bein’…being with Calum.”

Merlin’s head falls back against the wall and he closes his eyes.

“If you mean the fact that you’re bisexual…or that you’re with a man quite a bit older than you? Well, I didn’t know your father extremely well outside of Kingsman, but I believe he was quite open-minded. I think he loved you very much, and he’d want you to be happy. He’d be happy to know how much you are loved, and I don’t think he’d care what package it came in.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy says thoughtfully. 

Merlin peeks around the corner and into the room. Eggsy’s on the floor, looking up at Harry almost adoringly. Harry’s smiling down at him, his eyes fond. Merlin feels a rush of warmth go through his body, surprisingly making a long stop around his cock. 

“I hope that puts your mind at ease,” Harry says, and Merlin turns around to go prepare Harry’s favorite tea. He owes him something for speaking to Eggsy with such care and kindness.

“It does. Ya do know More comes before Shakespeare, right?”

“Oh, I do. But I’m not alphabetizing by author, I’m alphabetizing by title. “Utopia” comes after “Two Gentlemen of Verona,” of course.”

Merlin whips around and heads back for the library. Alphabetizing by title? Harry isn’t getting a damn thing.

 

Harry returns home a few days later, and eventually starts coming into HQ to do paperwork and start his physical therapy. Two weeks after the injury, Merlin comes in to find a bottle of 18 year Macallan on his desk. Eggsy comes in to find a rectangular package in brown wrapping paper.

He opens the note. _Eggsy, thank you so much for looking out for me while I was injured. I’ve never had such a wonderful nurse, and I am quite thankful to have you in my life. I found this among some things in my office, and thought you might like it. HH_

Eggsy opened the paper and his heart actually stopped. He fell onto his chair, staring at the framed photo in front of him. Three young men stand side by side, wide grins on their faces. Two are in their mid thirties, and the third, Eggsy’s father, is a bit younger. Eggsy recognizes young Merlin and young Harry on either side of Lee, but at the moment he can’t be bothered to look at them. His eyes are only for his father. He has his father’s smile, he realizes, and the cut of his jaw. His nose and eyes are Michelle’s, but the cocky grin is one Eggsy sees occasionally when he looks in the mirror. 

There’s a knock at his door and it opens before he can answer. “Gawain, I’d like you to…” Merlin gasps as he sees Eggsy with tears running down his cheeks. “Eggsy, what is it, my lad?” Merlin hurries over and Eggsy mutely holds out the picture. “Ah, yes.” Merlin smiles as he looks at it. “This was taken just before that last mission. Good God, I look ridiculous in that get up.”

“No ya don’t,” Eggsy whispers.

Merlin looks down at him. “I hope this wasn’t a bad idea, Harry giving you this.”

“No! I ain’t got many pictures of my dad. And I like havin’ one of tha three of you together.” Eggsy props the frame up on his desk. “Ya know if he woulda lived…I probably wouldn’t have met ya. Wouldn’t be with ya.”

Merlin has had this thought more than once late at night. It’s his own personal nightmare, the thought of a life without Eggsy in it. “That’s true,” Merlin says in a hoarse voice.

Eggsy stands up and hugs him. “Don’t matter none. Yer stuck with me now.” He looks at the picture. “Was fuckin’ nice of ‘arry, though.”

“When Harry cares about someone, he pulls out all the stops,” Merlin says. “Plus I think he might want in your pants.”

Eggsy laughs. “I think he’d hafta get through you first.”

“Oh, so you don’t MIND if he gets in your pants?”

“Only if yer there ta pull ‘em down for him, bruv.”

“Tart.” Merlin kisses him and holds him close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I Dreamed a Dream - from Les Miserables


	9. Adrenaline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of Hartwin, featuring Spectator!Merlin.

_The detonation of a time bomb/Which way is up when your high is low/It’s time to find it are you ready to go_

 

“Are you actually pouting about this?” Harry asks Eggsy as he returns to the table with their pints.

“It’s his birthday. I should be here.” Eggsy wraps his foot around Merlin’s ankle under the table.

“Stop playing footsie. It’s cliché,” Harry informs him. “And you’re acting like you’re six years old.”

“I like surprising him on his birthday. It’s one of my favorite things.”

“He is sitting right here, you know,” Merlin points out, although all he can think about at that moment is kissing the pout from Eggsy’s face.

“Well, we’re celebrating tonight, aren’t we?” Harry says. “And you can have your big private celebration when we get back from the mission.”

“He speaks the truth, lad,” Merlin says. “I managed all those birthdays before we were together.”

“And now I have a lot to make up for,” Eggsy says mournfully. “I was going to have Harry jump out of a cake and everything.”

Merlin chokes on his beer. “Now THAT’S a mental picture.”

“He’s lying, Merlin. I would never jump out of a cake. While I look incredible in a thong, it’s a bloody nightmare getting icing out of your arse. I don’t recommend it.”

This time it’s Eggsy who spit-takes, swallowing his lager at the last moment. “Fuck, ‘arry, that’s just rank.” He looks at Merlin, who puts his hands up.

“Eggsy, I swear, I have no clue what he’s talking about.”

“He doesn’t,” Harry agrees. “This was from that patch in two thousand when Merlin was in a strop and wouldn’t talk to me for about three weeks.”

“Did you just say I was in a strop?” Merlin asks incredulously. “You threatened to shoot me!”

“I was drunk and depressed. I didn’t mean it.”

“Harry, you put a gun to my head and said, “You fucking Scottish wanker, get the fuck out of my way or I will shoot you and no one will miss you.” I think I earned a strop.”

“Harry!” Eggsy gasps. “That’s horrible. You told him no one would miss him?” Eggsy practically whimpers and presses closer to Merlin’s side in the booth.

“I apologized later,” Harry says in a small voice.

“He did. Where do you think my Jaguar came from?” Merlin says. “He WAS rather depressed. Someone asked his age and when he told them, they said they thought he was a good four years older than he was.”

“Yeah, cuz THAT’S a good reason ta pull a gun on yer best friend,” Eggsy says, shaking his head.

“So, if Harry’s not jumping out of a cake for me, what’s my present?” Merlin says to change the subject.

“Takin’ him out on a mission an’ getting’ him outta yer hair for a bit?” Eggsy suggests.

“Yes, like that’s a gift…worrying about the two of you off together in Turkey?”

“He’s been on tons of missions since his injury, babe.”

“It’s not his health I’m worried about? It’s the political relationship between Great Britain and Turkey…because I know you two will do something to cause a scene.”

“We do not cause scenes,” Harry says primly. “We get the job done.”

“Harry, the last time the two of you worked together, you took bullets for him, got a concussion, and confessed your love to me,” Merlin reminds him.

“Well, I promise not to jump between Eggsy and certain death, I’ll wear a helmet, and I will confess my love for Eggsy instead of you.”

“Fair enough,” Merlin concedes.

“Oi!” Eggsy says, kicking him. “What if I don’t want his love?”

“Too late, my boy,” Harry says, giving him a fond smile. “You’ve already got it.”

“Creepy old men,” Eggsy says, but he winks at Harry as he says it.

 

Eggsy curls up next to Merlin in bed that night, hands wandering but not really trying to do much. Merlin just closes his eyes and enjoys his lad’s touch. “What DO ya want fer yer birthday, babe?”

“You to come back safely from this mission,” Merlin says drowsily. He shivers a little as Eggsy drags his fingers up his side, touch feather-light. “And I suppose you should bring that peacock back with you safely as well.”

“I’ll do my level best, sir,” Eggsy says in a posh accent. “Seriously, Calum. Yer tha worst ta buy for. Kinda hard ta shop fer tha man who’s got everything.”

“I do have everything. I have you.” Merlin kisses Eggsy’s forehead. “Did I ever tell you that a fortune teller predicted I’d have you in my life?”

“Uh, NO.” Eggsy props himself up on one hand and looks at him. “When didya ever go to a fortune teller?”

“I didn’t exactly go to one, and I suppose she wasn’t a fortune teller. She was more of a…a witch.”

“Now I’m fuckin’ intrigued.”

“Get back down here.” Merlin wiggles them around a little bit until Eggsy’s head is on his chest, his arm tight around Eggsy’s back. “I was a stupid teenager, bit of a nerd…social outcast. I took a dare to get them to like me, and the dare was that I had to knock on the door of the witch that lived at the end of town.”

“Ya had a witch in yer town?”

“Everyone called her a witch, but she was simply a nice older lady who lived on her own and kept to herself. Nosy twats in my town didn’t like that, so people said she must’ve been a witch.” Merlin smiles as he remembers. “She played along though…scared the shite outta me right off, but then played along with it and pretended to drag me inside. She knew my name, which frightened me a bit, but she explained that she knew my parents. Knew that they tended to ignore me, actually.”

“Who could ignore ya?” Merlin could hear Eggsy’s frown as he wriggled closer. 

“Was the very boring middle child of five, lad. You know that. Anyway, she said…” Merlin blushes a bit. “She said I’d be the best of them all, and people would bow to my orders. She said people would listen to me, let me lead them…and I’d bring them home safely.”

“Bloody hell,” Eggsy whispers. “That’s fuckin’ creepy.”

“And then…she said that I’d think no one would ever love me, because I thought I wasn’t good enough.” Eggsy actually whimpers and plants a line of kisses across Merlin’s bare chest. “She said someone would love me back but realize it too late.”

“Harry,” Eggsy breathes.

“She said I’d find the greatest love imaginable in the last place I’d think to look,” Merlin murmurs. Eggsy’s actually silent for a moment. “She was so right.” Merlin trails his hand up and down Eggsy’s back. “I actually didn’t remember what she’d said about someone loving me and it being too late until the other day.”

“Still didn’t tell me what ya want fer yer birthday, babe.” Eggsy’s voice is thick, as if he’s holding back tears.

“As soon as you get back, as long as you get back in one piece…I want you to walk in the door, take me up to bed, and make me forget how old I’m getting.”

“Promise.” Eggsy slithers up Merlin’s body to give him a passionate kiss. 

 

“That should be everyone,” Eggsy pants, looking at Harry.

“I told a few of the adults to head down that road, that they’d find shelter along the way,” Harry says. 

“Good job, both of you,” Merlin says in their ears. 

Harry wipes at his forehead. They’d infiltrated a large warehouse, where about fifty women and children were being held as part of a sex trafficking ring. They’d managed to get everyone out without causing much of a fuss, but as he starts to hear men shouting, he realizes they might have made a bit more of a fuss than they’d thought. “We need to make sure these people get out of harm’s way. We can’t go back in there.”

“Throw it, Galahad,” Eggsy tells him. “The people are runnin’ down tha road.”

Harry retrieves a Kingsman lighter from his pocket and deftly throws it at a corner of the warehouse. They’re far enough away that the explosion only shakes the ground under their feet. “We need to get moving, Gawain.”

“Yes, you do,” Merlin says. “Back to the motel and…”

A woman runs up and grabs at Harry’s shoulder, babbling and yelling in Spanish. Harry turns to her and gets her to calm down and speak slowly. As he hears what she’s saying, his blood runs cold and he stares at her before looking at the building. “There are two more children unaccounted for.”

“What?” Eggsy gasps.

“Two adolescent girls. The men had pulled them away to…” Harry shakes his head. He turns back to her and tells her there’s no way they can go back in. Flames are starting to lick up the side of the building and they can hear the screams of the men stuck inside. The woman starts to sob, tugging at his sleeve.

“Where are they?” Eggsy demands.

“Gawain…” Harry says.

“Gawain, don’t you dare,” Merlin orders.

“Ask her if she knows where they were taken, Galahad!”

Harry asks her in a shaking voice. She points to the opposite end of the building, away from the fire. “Down there…to the west.”

Eggsy turns toward the road as they hear fire sirens. “Galahad, make sure these people get moving and head for the rendezvous point.” Eggsy starts off at a run.

“Gawain, you can’t…” Harry watches helplessly as Eggsy runs back to the building.

“Gawain, get your arse back to Galahad now. That’s an order!” Merlin yells in their ear.

“Sorry, Merlin, I can’t hear you!” Harry hears Eggsy yell, and he sees him reach up to touch the side of his glasses.

“Fuck,” Merlin curses. “Galahad, get the group moving and return to the rendezvous point.”

“Fuck,” Harry echoes, but does as Merlin says.

 

“I shouldn’t have left him,” Harry says for the sixth time as he paces the length of the tiny motel room. It’s been an hour since he’d left the warehouse, and they’ve heard nothing from Eggsy. “You don’t leave agents behind.”

“Harry, your mission was the captives,” Merlin reminds him curtly. “You were supposed to do your job. I’ve never seen you like this before.” He ignores the fact that his own knee is bouncing as if wired to a motor.

“I’ve never watched a fellow knight run into a burning building while I had his boyfriend in my ear before, Merlin!” Harry snaps. He stops pacing and takes a deep breath. “Forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive,” Merlin says, speaking a little more calmly. “I appreciate your position. I do wish you’d stop pacing, though…your feed is making me dizzy.”

“So sorry,” Harry says, sitting on the edge of the bed. “You haven’t…”

“Nothing. I’d tell you if I heard something.” Merlin’s been monitoring the local law enforcement and so far all he knows is that there’s been an explosion in an abandoned warehouse on the edge of town. 

“I shouldn’t have left him,” Harry whispers again. “He…” He suddenly stands, focusing on the door. “Do you hear that?” He reaches across the bed for his gun and moves out of sight of the door. 

The door bursts open and Eggsy almost falls through it. He’s panting for breath but looks completely unharmed. “Harry?”

“Eggsy, oh my boy.” Harry throws his arms around Eggsy. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Oh, thank God.” Merlin buries his face in his hands and actually weeps as relief washes over him.

“Turn your glasses on, you idiot,” Harry tells him. “So you can hear your boyfriend crying.”

“Crying? Oh, babe.” Eggsy touches his glasses and Harry’s worried face comes up on Merlin’s second monitor.

“I am going to kill you,” Merlin says calmly. “I’m going to kill you, and then I’m going to make sure Arthur puts you on leave for a month, during which time I will keep you tied to the bed, and NOT in the good way. I’ll make you watch bad television and eat only vegetables and I will do nothing more than kiss you hello and goodbye each day.”

“I love you, too, Merlin,” Eggsy says. “I’m sorry for worryin’ ya. Couldn’t bear tha thought of two kids stuck in there while the building went up. Found ‘em easy enough, but had a bit of a problem gettin’ them to tha group. That’s what took me so long.”

“Are you all right?” Merlin watches Harry’s hands run over Eggsy’s body as he looks for injuries. He’s not surprised to see Harry’s hands shaking; he can imagine what the adrenaline must be like after a mission like this.

“I don’t know whether to punch you or kiss you,” Harry says, looking ten years older as he checks Eggsy over. His eyes are dark with worry. 

Merlin doesn’t hesitate. “Kiss him.” He clicks a few buttons and the feed from the glasses is now private, seen only by him. It will not be recorded and cannot be accessed.

“What?” They both gasp.

“Kiss him. I know you’re both flying high right about now. I can barely see through either of your feeds because you’re shaking so much. Kiss him.”

“Merlin…”

“Calum…”

“Oh for God’s sake. I’m right here, I’m WATCHING, and I want you to kiss my boyfriend, Galahad. Jesus Christ!” Merlin’s beginning to regret he’d ever said anything. He’d thought he was helping. Apparently not.

“Galahad, I…” Eggsy’s next words are lost as Harry takes his face in his hands and brutally kisses him. Eggsy grunts in surprise but Merlin’s unable to see anything else, as their glasses are too close together. He hears Eggsy sigh and then Harry releases him. “Fuck.”

“Yes. Quite.” Harry pulls back and straightens his shirt. “Is that what you had in mind, Merlin?”

“It’s a good start. Kiss him again,” Merlin commands. “But try not to bruise him this time. I’d prefer him back in one piece, even though I plan on killing him for putting my heart through such calisthenics.”

Harry doesn’t hesitate this time, although he’s a bit more gentle. He moves in slowly, slow enough that Merlin can see Eggsy’s eyes widen before fluttering shut. “Was that better?” Harry murmurs when he releases Eggsy.

“Much,” Merlin says. Eggsy’s cheeks are pink and he’s panting a bit. “Lad, are you all right?”

“I think so?” Eggsy says, and it’s a question more than a statement.

“If this is…” Merlin pauses. “I thought…I know the adrenaline…you have each other,” he says helplessly. 

“Merlin, are you telling me you want me to make out with your oldest mate?” Eggsy asks.

“Do you really need to use the term “oldest”? Because I feel it’s not necessary to bring age into this,” Harry says mildly.

“Oh, fer fuck’s sake, ‘arry,” Eggsy grumbles. His hands open and close in Harry’s shirtfront. Merlin focuses on Harry’s view. Eggsy’s pupils are huge and he’s still shaking.

“It’s my birthday, isn’t it, my Eggsy?” Merlin says softly. Eggsy nods. “I told you once what I wanted…what I thought about…we could do it now.”

“Oh, sweet Jesus,” Eggsy says faintly. 

“Only so far,” Merlin says quickly, because he realizes that he doesn’t think he could watch things go all the way without actually being in the room with them. “As far as you’d like.”

“You mean as far as YOU’D like, Calum,” Eggsy says with a slow grin, relaxing a bit. 

“Would someone be so kind as to clue me in?” Harry asks.

“I’ll clue ya in, ‘arry. Seems our Merlin has a bit of a dirty mind…has a whole spank bank full of thoughts of me an’ you.” Eggsy slowly removes his jacket and tie and drapes them over a chair. 

“Is that so?” Harry says. “Merlin…I’m shocked,” he says in a voice that doesn’t sound remotely shocked at all.

“They’re really good thoughts, too…but his favorite thought is apparently him bein’ in our ears, just like this, an’ tellin’ us what ta do. Ain’t that right, babe?” Eggsy coos, and Merlin realizes he might have just unleashed a monster.

“Yes.”

“Merlin, where are ya? Are ya alone in yer office?”

“Yes. And this conversation is now completely private, unrecorded and never to be heard by anyone but us.”

“Good.” Eggsy looks at Harry and winks. “C’mon, Haz, whattaya say we give Merlin a bit of a show?”

“I don’t know about this,” Harry says slowly. Merlin frowns. “I mean, what if you enjoy yourself so much that you don’t WANT to go back to Merlin? I’d hate to find myself in the middle of some type of sordid lover’s triangle, where you love him, but your body wants me…it could get messy.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking JOKING,” Merlin snaps as Eggsy dissolves into laughter. “Please do not flatter yourself, Harry. You forget that I’ve sampled your wares. I’m quite certain I have nothing to be concerned about.”

“Very well, then.” Harry removes his tie and places it on his jacket, which is draped over another chair. 

“Merlin seems ta think we can’t take orders from ‘im,” Eggsy tells Harry.

“I believe this is one instance where I will do my very best to obey,” Harry replies.

“I’ll obey, too,” Eggsy promises.

Merlin actually shivers at the sound of them both offering to obey him. “All right, then…I think the kissing is a good place to start,” he says, even though it’s a bit blurry for him. “Wait. Is there a way you can put…”

“I get ya.” Eggsy removes his glasses and balances them on the top of the headboard, tilting them down a bit. “Lay down, ‘arry.” Harry quickly stretches out. Merlin switches the audio to go from the glasses into the tiny earpieces they’re each wearing for the mission. “Good?”

“Very good.”

Eggsy slowly removes Harry’s glasses and places them on the nightstand. “And that?”

“Perfect,” Merlin says. “Thank you.”

“Yer welcome, babe.” Eggsy crawls up the bed to lay next to Harry. “I suppose we can kiss now.”

“I suppose we could. I must say this is the oddest birthday gift I’ve ever given,” Harry murmurs, a hand ghosting along Eggsy’s cheek.

“You don’t have to give it,” Merlin says immediately.

“I said it was odd. I didn’t say it wouldn’t be enjoyable.” Harry kisses Eggsy and suddenly no one is talking at all. Harry’s hand caresses Eggsy’s face as Eggsy’s fingers run through his hair. Harry moans a bit and the kisses deepen.

“Pull his hair, Eggsy,” Merlin says quietly. “He likes that.”

“Oh, he does?” Eggsy gently tugs at Harry’s bottom lip with his teeth as his hand fists and pulls.

“Fuck,” Harry groans. Eggsy snickers against Harry’s mouth.

Merlin allows them to kiss until they’re both panting. “Unbutton his shirt, Eggsy, and take it off.”

“Yes, babe,” Eggsy murmurs. His hands shake as he unbuttons the shirt and spreads it open. “Haz,” he whispers, hands sliding over Harry’s chest. His fingers trace over the multitude of scars. “Fuck.” He finally removes the shirt and tosses it aside. 

“Touch his nipples, lad. He likes that, too.”

“You don’t,” Eggsy says without thinking. He smiles as he touches the hardened pebbles and watches Harry shiver. 

“One of the very many ways Harry and I differ,” Merlin replies. “Harry, I think Eggsy’s shirt should come off as well.”

“I think you are correct.” Harry works much quicker, although he swallows deeply when Eggsy’s muscular torso is revealed. “And now I feel a hundred years old.”

“How about ya feel a twenty-nine year old instead?” Eggsy says and the other men groan.

“Do as he says, Harry,” Merlin says, rolling his eyes at his corny boyfriend. “Touch him. Kiss him. His neck is especially sensitive, right where it meets his shoulder.”

“Calum, you fuckin’ prick,” Eggsy growls as Harry begins to kiss down the side of his throat. He mewls and arches his neck, giving Harry more room to work with. Eggsy shudders as Harry’s hand slides down over his chest to cup his cock through his trousers.

“Let me see it, Harry,” Merlin whispers. Harry frames the bulge of Eggsy’s cock with his hand and Eggsy whimpers. “I wish I was there to feel that.”

“Oh, Calum, me, too…” Eggsy gasps as Harry bites down a bit. “Harry.”

“Get him back, Eggsy,” Merlin orders.

Eggsy growls again and dips his head to suck on Harry’s nipples. “Christ!” Harry gasps, fingernails digging down Eggsy’s back. One hand pinches while the other nipple is licked and sucked. Harry’s hand fists in Eggsy’s hair, holding his mouth to his chest. 

“He’s a very good boy, Harry,” Merlin murmurs. His own cock is rock hard but he ignores it. “Strip him, Eggsy.”

“Wha-what?”

“Strip him. Remove his shoes, socks, and everything else.”

“But…”

“Is there a problem, my lad?”

“No, Calum,” Eggsy whispers. “If it’s what you want.”

“But not if it isn’t what you want,” Merlin says in his normal voice. 

“It is…especially if it makes you happy.” Eggsy steps off the bed and momentarily out of view. Merlin watches Harry’s face as Eggsy removes the rest of his clothing. “Jesus fuck,” Eggsy gasps as Harry’s cock is revealed. “Guess it was some sorta requirement back in tha day? Kingsman trainees had ta be fuckin’ HUNG? Obviously not the case now.” He starts to climb back onto the bed.

“You are absolutely perfect,” Merlin tells him. “But prove it to Harry. Remove your own clothes before you lay back down.”

Merlin’s smiles as Harry’s gaze turns heated. “You are a work of art,” he says in awe as Eggsy climbs back onto the bed as naked as the day he was born. They kiss again, pressing their bodies together. Harry chokes a bit as Eggsy wraps his arms around him and writhes against him. 

“Touch him, Harry,” Merlin whispers, his mouth suddenly dry. He realizes why he’s enjoying this so much. When he’s the one with Eggsy, touching him and kissing him, he can’t see his reactions, see the look on his face. Now he can. 

“Are you absolutely sure about this, Calum?” Harry asks quietly, and Eggsy freezes.

This is why he loves his best friend. Harry is in bed with one of the most perfect examples of the male body EVER, with that man’s boyfriend giving his permission, and Harry still is unselfish enough to make sure it’s really what Merlin wants. “Yes, Harry,” Merlin replies. “I’ve told him how good you are with your tongue…how about you show him that you’re just as good with your hands?”

“With pleasure,” Harry says, grinning up into the pair of glasses above the bed. He starts to kiss Eggsy’s neck again while his hand slowly reaches for Eggsy’s cock. He starts from the base and begins to stroke, twisting his hand on the way up each time.

“Ohhh fuck,” Eggsy moans, head falling back. “Babe…I can’t…”

“He knows just the right way to touch you, doesn’t he, Eggsy?” Merlin says with a chuckle. “As if he’s done it a thousand times before.”

Harry’s thumb swirls in the wetness at the head and Eggsy actually pants. “What should I do?”

“Why, touch him back, of course,” Merlin says. “Silly boy.”

Eggsy reaches down but starts at Harry’s balls. He fondles them a bit and Harry shudders. He tugs them before reaching up to give Harry’s cock a few steady strokes. “Like that, Haz?”

“Yes,” Harry hisses against his neck. He bites down and Eggsy snarls, hand snaking over Harry’s cock. “Oh, fuck yes, Eggsy.”

Merlin feels like he could never get enough of watching them. They’re both handsome and strong, and both bear scars from wounds that Merlin watched happen. Eggsy is soon whimpering into Harry’s mouth, hips thrusting up into Harry’s hand. “Get on top of him, Eggsy,” Merlin orders, knowing he doesn’t have to say more.

“Thank fuckin’ GOD,” Eggsy moans, scrambling on top of Harry. He sits up a bit, rocking his hips so their cocks move together.

“Yes…that’s perfect my boy.” Harry reaches down and takes both their cocks in his hand, giving Eggsy something to thrust into.

“Fuck, Calum, please…please can I…” Eggsy gasps, head thrown back.

“I don’t know…Galahad is the senior agent,” Merlin says with a chuckle. He’s pleased that Eggsy’s asked to come.

“Age before fuckin’ beauty or sommat?” Eggsy manages.

“I beg your pardon?” Harry grunts.

“Make him come, Eggsy, and then you may finish,” Merlin says. He reaches down and undoes his own trousers, quickly stroking himself.

“Fuck…yer touchin’ yerself, ain’t ya, babe?” Eggsy says. “Gettin’ off on this? Wanna watch me come all over Harry?”

“Yes, please,” Merlin gasps. “Come for me.”

“Only for you fuck FUCK Calum!” Eggsy yells, shooting onto Harry’s stomach. Harry bucks his hips and groans, white drops falling over his fingers. “Calum,” Eggsy says weakly. 

“Oh, my Eggsy,” Merlin whispers, teeth clenching as he comes over the front of his trousers.

Eggsy buries his head in Harry’s shoulder for a moment before finally getting up and going to the toilet. He comes back with a flannel and hands it to Harry before getting a flannel of his own. They clean up, dry off, and silently change into their sleeping clothes. Eggsy picks up a pair of glasses and turns them on himself. “Is that what you wanted, babe?”

“It was. You were so beautiful. Both of you. I wish I could have been there.”

“That’s a place I never thought we’d go,” Eggsy says softly, and Merlin starts to worry.

“Was this a mistake? It was a mistake. I’m so sorry, I just was thinking…”

“Calum, it’s fine. Really. I wish you was here, too,” he confides.

“I don’t. I find Merlin dreadfully boring in bed,” Harry calls from his pillow.

“Sod off, Haz,” Eggsy says with a grin. 

“I’m still very angry with you for what you did tonight,” Merlin says sternly.

“So I should still take ya up ta bed the moment I get home, then?”

“The very moment. You have a lot of apologizing to do, Gawain.”

“Yes, Merlin,” Eggsy says meekly. His green eyes are warm. “I love ya, sir.”

“I love you, too. Now go crawl in next to Harry so he can hold you while he tells himself how great he is in bed.”

Eggsy laughs and climbs into bed, giving Harry a playful kiss along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Adrenaline - Shinedown


	10. Hungry Like the Wolf

_High blood drumming on your skin it’s so tight/you feel my heat I’m just a moment behind_

 

“Three weeks away from you.” Merlin sighs. “Whatever shall I do with myself?”

“If yer doin’ somethin’ “with yerself,” ya damn well better film it, babe.” Eggsy grins from where he’s checking his equipment. “Or have ‘arry film it. Or better yet have ‘arry do it for ya.”

“Have I created a monster, letting him touch you that way?” Merlin teases. Eggsy comes over to sit on his lap.

“Woulda never thought of touchin’ him if ya wasn’t in my ear tellin’ me ta do it…so yeah, that’s all on you, Doctor Frankenstein.” Eggsy gives him a passionate kiss, fingers tickling up and down the back of Merlin’s bald head in a way that drove him crazy.

“I’m just glad it wasn’t a mistake,” Merlin says, burying his face in Eggsy’s throat and kissing the tender skin he finds there. Surprisingly there’d been no awkwardness, no embarrassment. Eggsy had kept his word and taken Merlin upstairs to tear him apart the moment he’d arrived in the house, and when Merlin saw Harry next, he was his normal insufferable self. The only thing that changed, in Merlin’s eyes, was that Harry seemed more open, more affectionate toward them both.

“Yer too smart ta make mistakes like that, Calum.” 

“I don’t know about that.” Merlin’s glasses ping. “Yes?”

“The jet is ready, sir.”

“Very well. I’ll send Agent Gawain down directly.” Merlin removes his glasses and looks at the man on his lap. “I love you so very much. Be safe.”

“Love you, too, Calum.” Eggsy presses his forehead to Merlin’s. “Be good while I’m gone. No foolin’ around with ‘arry when I’m not here.”

Merlin snorts. “As if I would. I’ll be at work practically the entire time, you know that. Although I was considering asking your mother if it would be all right to take Daisy for a few hours.”

“Really?” Eggsy’s face lights up, just as Merlin knew it would. Michelle and Daisy both adore Merlin, although he doesn’t get to spend as much time with them as he’d like. 

“Yes, really. I’m sure your mother would enjoy a few hours to herself.”

“Yer fuckin’ aces, babe. How’d I get so lucky?”

“Oh, I believe I’m the one who got lucky, lad.” Merlin holds him close, thinking about what his life would be like without Eggsy Unwin in it. Late nights at his computer, evenings home alone on the sofa. It wouldn’t be life at all. It would be…existing.

 

Eggsy’s gone for three weeks and it seems like the longest three weeks of Merlin’s life. He’s gone away on long missions before, but every time it seems like an eternity. Merlin fills most of it with work, of course, and does take off to do a few things around the house. He tries not to handle every mission of Eggsy’s, because he doesn’t want to seem like he’s playing favorites. He also needs a break sometimes, because it’s hard enough worrying about the life of a basic agent. Worrying about the life of his own reason for living can get quite stressful.

Daisy’s off school one Friday, and Merlin takes the day to spend with her. They play footie in the park, go for a giant pile of greasy fish and chips, and end up walking the shops of London while eating ice cream cones. Merlin’s exhausted by the time he returns her to Michelle.

“Thank you so much, Merlin. Was she good for you?” Michelle smiles down at her daughter’s tired sticky face.

“I’m seven, Mum. I’m always good,” Daisy says in annoyance. “We had fun, didn’t we, Merlin?”

“We did, lass. Thank you for spending your day off with me.”

Michelle nudges the back of Daisy’s leg. “Thank you for spending YOUR day with me, Merlin.” She hugs him tight, grinning up at him with Eggsy’s smile.

Michelle invites him in for tea but he declines, just wanting to go home and take a shower. He’s in his robe and pajamas, wondering if he even feels like making dinner, when someone knocks at his door. “Harry?”

“I brought you something to eat. I hope Chinese takeaway is fine.”

“Of course,” Merlin says in surprise. “Please come in. How kind of you.”

“I’m not kind. I just knew you’d be puttering around here by yourself and thought it was quite pathetic.” Harry breezes down the hall to the kitchen. “Sit down. I’ll take care of this.”

Merlin falls into a chair and stares in confusion as Harry moves easily around his kitchen. “Thank you,” he says finally.

“You’re welcome.” Harry gives them each a plate, a drink, and opens the boxes. “Dig in, then.” 

“Thank you,” Merlin says again. He fills his plate with noodles but doesn’t take his eyes off Harry. “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry?”

“You never show up like this, with bags of food and generous behaviors.”

“I beg your pardon. I am a very good friend.” Harry looks insulted.

“True.” 

Harry finally wilts under Merlin’s gaze. “Fine. I spoke to Phoebe. Eggsy’s mission is over and he’s due home within the next two or three hours.”

“Really?” Merlin tries not to sound too excited. “Well, that is good news.”

“I wanted to warn you. He…the mission didn’t end well. It WENT well, but…”

“He was breaking up a drug ring,” Merlin says slowly.

“Yes. And he did. Exemplary work, as usual. But drugs weren’t the only thing they were selling. Children. Young children. Younger than ten. Eggsy found evidence.”

“Oh, my poor lad,” Merlin whispers. 

“I figured it was probably best that he come back, give his report, and come home. Alone. I know what it’s like to have all this on your mind, and having someone in your personal space immediately upon your return can be a lot to handle.”

“I suppose I understand,” Merlin says quietly. He does. He’s seen it before, seen the empty faces of the agents as they return from particularly difficult missions. But all he wants to do is run to HQ and take care of his Eggsy.

“So, I thought you should know that, and then I thought I would come here and keep you company until his return. I can leave if you’d like.”

“No, Harry, thank you.” Merlin pushes his plate away, suddenly not hungry. “Eggsy said I’m not to “fool around” with you while he’s gone.”

“Please.” Harry actually snorts. “Like it would be fooling around. I take such things quite seriously.”

And Merlin has to laugh. He can’t help it. Harry gives him a devilish smile and winks his good eye, and Merlin’s feeling a bit better.

They end up in the library drinking whisky and talking about the good old days. Every noise outside makes Merlin look to the door, hoping that Eggsy’s on the other side. It’s almost ten o’clock until the door actually opens.

Merlin jumps to his feet and hurries to the hallway. “Hello, lad.”

“Hi, babe,” Eggsy says wearily. He drops his Rainmaker in its bin and his bag on the floor. “Yer a sight for sore eyes, ain’t ya?”

“I’m glad,” Merlin says softly. “Harry’s here, too.”

“Oh? Hey, Haz. Did I miss a party?” 

“Not even close,” Harry says from over Merlin’s shoulder. “I figured I could be bored at home, or bored here listening to Merlin blather on.”

“Thank you so very much, Harry,” Merlin retorts. “We have Chinese, if you’re hungry.”

“I could eat,” Eggsy says. “Feels like forever since I ate somethin’.”

“I’ll heat it up,” Merlin says. He desperately wants to put his arms around Eggsy but is afraid to touch him.

“No, I’ll heat it up,” Harry says. He heads for the kitchen, leaving Eggsy and Merlin to look at each other.

“I missed you,” Merlin says quietly. He takes a few steps closer.

“Missed ya, too, Calum. Fuck, I missed ya.” Merlin opens his arms and Eggsy crumples against him. “Couldn’t wait ta get home to ya.”

“I’ll always be here waiting for you.” Merlin feels Eggsy shivering. “Let’s get something in your stomach, and then you can go take a hot bath.”

“Fuckin’ aces, babe.” Merlin keeps an arm around Eggsy’s shoulders, guiding him to the kitchen. “Thanks, ‘arry.”

“I live to serve,” Harry says haughtily and Eggsy actually grins. He sits down at the table and picks up chopsticks. His hands tremble a bit and he puts them down to use a fork instead. 

“I spent the day with Daisy.” Merlin keeps his voice quiet and soothing. “We had a lovely time. She misses you.”

“Wish I coulda seen you two hangin’ out together,” Eggsy says. “We need ta spend more time with her.”

“And we will.” Merlin takes Eggsy’s free hand and kisses it.

Eggsy eats half his food and pushes the plate away. “That’s all. How about that bath?”

“Of course. I’ll draw it for you.” 

“And that is my cue to leave.” Harry smiles at Eggsy. “I know you’re in good hands.”

“Don’t. Don’t leave…please.” Eggsy looks at Merlin. “If it’s okay? Is it okay that Harry stays a bit? I kinda…need ya both.”

“Of course, lad, if it’s what you want.” Merlin looks at Harry.

“Whatever you need, my boy,” Harry adds.

The three men go upstairs. Merlin starts the tub and gets everything ready while Harry supervises Eggsy as he gets undressed down to his pants. Harry leans in the doorway of the bath while Eggsy takes them off and steps into the hot bath. Merlin kneels next to the tub, Eggsy sighing as he settles into the steaming water. Merlin looks him over but doesn’t see any bruises or injuries. “Went in that last day to their office…spoke with tha bloke in charge. He were givin’ me tha information, ya know, like I expected, an’ then I see somethin’ on his desk. He tells me it’s a special side project he’s been workin’ on, an’…an’…” Eggsy swallows hard. “He pulls out these pictures. Little kids. Boys an’ girls. None older…older than my flower.” Merlin starts to rub his back.

“You don’t have to tell us, lad. It’s fine.” 

“I want ta tell ya. I want it out. I need it gone,” he says savagely. “Half of ‘em are naked…some of ‘em are cryin’. An’ he seemed so fuckin’ pleased. I wanted ta shoot his arse right then an’ there. I say somethin’ stupid, ya know, ta blow ‘im off. He walks me outta tha office, leads me down tha hall, an’ opens a door.” Eggsy stares at the wall, obviously not seeing it. “A room of fuckin’ kids…maybe twenty of ‘em. Some of ‘em couldn’t even fuckin’ WALK yet.” Tears stream down his cheeks. “Says I’ve been such a good mate ta work with, I can have my pick fer free.” Eggsy buries his face in his hands and sobs. Merlin gives Harry a horrified look but continues to rub Eggsy’s back. “Shoulda done somethin’…killed ‘em all…but I didn’t. I simply said no thank ya, that I weren’t goin’ home yet, an’ I’d let him know.” Eggsy starts to shiver.

“You did the right thing, my Eggsy,” Merlin whispers. “If you’d have started shooting, you could have hit a child. And imagine what they’ve already gone through…to see a bloodbath like that right in front of their eyes?”

“Merlin’s right, Eggsy.” Harry kneels next to Merlin on the floor. “It would have traumatized those poor children even more. Because I know you, and I know you would not have stopped until every one of those monsters stopped breathing. Because you are brave and righteous and one of the best knights this organization has ever seen.”

“Coulda taken one with me.”

“And done what? Where would you have taken him or her? You couldn’t bring them here,” Harry says firmly. “No matter how pure your intentions, it would not have been right for that child. You filed your report, and I know Phoebe probably called the appropriate authorities as soon as you left her.”

“I just didn’t expect ta see that.” Merlin picks up a sponge and begins to gently run the water over Eggsy’s skin. “I can handle violence, an’ drugs, an’ all that. But kids…” He shakes his head.

“You did the right thing, Eggsy, I swear to you as a Kingsman,” Harry vows.

“And we’ll go see Daisy tomorrow, all right? You can hug her and kiss her and know that she is one child who will NEVER be treated that way, because she has you to look after her.”

“Yeah.” Eggsy slowly nods. “Yeah.”

He sits in the tub for another twenty minutes before finally announcing he’s ready to get out. Merlin helps him stand and gives him a towel. “Your pajama bottoms and vest are over there,” he says, pointing to the rack in the corner. “We’ll give you some privacy.”

He leads Harry out of the bath and shuts the door. “These are the times I actually hate my job,” Harry says with a sigh. “No one should be forced to see what we see.”

“Thank you for what you said to him.” Merlin hugs his friend. “You said it better than I could.”

“I’ve lived it,” Harry says quietly. 

The door opens and they both turn around. “Ready for bed, then?” Merlin asks.

Eggsy nods. “With you,” he says, and Merlin smiles at him. He looks at Harry. “Haz, would you…could you stay?”

“Well, I don’t…” Harry begins, but Merlin gives him a look. “If it’s what you want.”

“I do. I need…I need to be safe. On all sides.”

They follow Eggsy to the bedroom, where he crawls under the covers and gets comfortable. Harry strips to his pants while Merlin quickly puts on his own pajama bottoms. They get into bed on each side of Eggsy. Eggsy curls up with his back to Merlin and his arm over Harry’s waist. “As you remember, I occasionally have nightmares,” Harry says to Eggsy. “But I’ll try to punch Merlin instead of you.”

Eggsy smiles and kisses Harry’s cheek. “Very considerate of you.” He turns his head and kisses Merlin on the lips. “Thank ya, babe.”

“I love you. You’ll be safe tonight.” Merlin kisses his boy and pulls him close.

 

Merlin wakes up to a squirming mass of heat pressed against him. He moans and thrusts a bit before he’s fully awake. “Calum,” Eggsy whispers, tilting his head and kissing him. Eggsy’s arse rubs against him again and he feels his cock thicken.

“Eggsy, what are you…” Merlin’s silenced by another kiss. The room is dim; it must be early morning. Merlin looks over to where Harry’s sleeping, hair curling on the pillow as he lays with his face actually on Eggsy’s hand. “Eggsy, love…”

“Kiss me, please, Calum.” Merlin can’t resist the gentle plea and continues to kiss him, ignoring the fact that his best friend is right there. 

“Eggsy, we can’t. Harry’s asleep.”

“No, he’s not,” Harry says in a raspy morning voice. Eggsy’s thumb trails along Harry’s cheek.

“See? He’s not,” Eggsy whispers, kissing along Merlin’s jaw.

“I’ll leave you two…”

Merlin looks down at Eggsy, whose eyes are hopeful. He then looks over at Harry, who gives him a questioning look. “Stay,” Merlin says finally. Harry’s eyebrows raise. “Stay,” he repeats.

Harry turns his head and kisses Eggsy’s palm. “If that’s what you want.”

“I just woke up this morning between ya, and I just…I wanted ta keep that feeling.” Eggsy rolls in Merlin’s arms, wraps himself around him, and kisses him. “If you don’t feel right, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to.”

“It’s fine,” Merlin promises, his hands sliding up and down Eggsy’s back. “If I get uncomfortable, I’ll stop.”

“Good. God, I fuckin’ love ya.” Eggsy kisses Merlin more passionately, wriggling against him a bit. He then slowly turns back, reaching out for Harry. “Haz…” Eggsy reaches back to wrap his hand around Merlin’s hip as he kisses Harry. Harry’s hand also reaches out for Merlin, resting on his shoulder. 

Merlin watches them kiss and it’s a thousand times better than what he’d watched through their glasses. Harry’s cheeks start to turn red and a flush crawls down his neck. Merlin slowly reaches around Eggsy and touches Harry’s chest, thumb drawing up to flick over a nipple. “God,” Harry gasps. “You don’t forget a thing, do you?”

“Not when it comes to making you feel good, no, I don’t.” Merlin gives him a sly grin.

“Kiss him,” Eggsy demands. “Wanna see ya kiss him, babe.”

“With pleasure,” Harry answers, leaning up and over Eggsy to grab Merlin by the back of the neck.

Harry kisses just like he’d remembered. Hard and deep and full of power. Eggsy moans between them and Merlin echoes the sentiment. Harry struggles to sit up, pulling Merlin with him, and Merlin slides his hands up to fist in Harry’s hair, holding him in place. “Eggsy,” Merlin pants when he releases Harry. “What do you want?”

Eggsy sits up as well, yanking off his vest and throwing it across the room. “Am I allowed to touch him, taste him?”

Merlin wonders when he became the one to give permission. “Eggsy…”

“I want everything to be equal.” Eggsy leans in and kisses Harry, then turns and kisses Merlin. “I won’t do anything if you don’t say it’s all right.”

“Y-yes,” Merlin stammers.

Eggsy gives him a cocky grin and pushes Harry back down onto the bed. He straddles his waist and kisses him. “Lay down next ta him, babe.” Merlin lays down next to Harry, who immediately turns a bit so he can kiss him as Eggsy starts working his way down.

“I’d forgotten what a good kisser you are,” Harry whispers, hand gently stroking the side of Merlin’s head. “I…oh, GOD…” Harry falls back onto the pillow as Eggsy’s mouth finds his nipples.

“His tongue is sinful,” Merlin warns him.

“He’s going to kill me,” Harry moans. Merlin cradles Harry’s head in his hands and kisses him, gasping as he feels a strong hand reach for his cock.

“That’s right, Haz…make him feel good,” Eggsy murmurs against Harry’s stomach. He kisses along the waist of Harry’s pants before sliding them down. “Fuck, ‘arry,” Eggsy groans.

“Focus on me,” Merlin whispers to Harry. “Because he will soon suck your brain right out through your prick.”

“Oh…fuck, Eggsy…” Harry’s head thrashes on the pillow as Eggsy starts tonguing the head of his cock. Harry’s hand stutters on Merlin as Merlin starts kissing his neck. 

“Feel so good on my tongue, Haz…could do this all day.”

Merlin moves his head so he can tongue at one of Harry’s nipples, grinning as Harry’s hand stops moving entirely. “You look good like that, my Eggsy,” Merlin tells him. “Look good with that big cock in your mouth.” Harry and Eggsy whimper as one. “Oh, I’d forgotten. My lad isn’t the only one who likes dirty talk.” Merlin bites Harry’s nipple and he yells. 

“Calum…I need you,” Eggsy says as he licks a line from Harry’s balls to the head of his cock. “Want you inside me.”

“Show Harry how good you are at sucking cock and I’ll think about it,” Merlin tells him, running his hand through Eggsy’s hair before pushing his head back down again.

“I can’t…oh my GOD…” Harry leans up on his elbows to watch Eggsy take him in deeper and deeper until his lips press against Harry’s body. Merlin holds Eggsy’s head there just long enough for him to make a gagging sound. “Fuck, yes.”

“That’s my good lad.” Merlin sits up and drags Eggsy’s head up by his hair. He kisses Eggsy, tasting Harry in his mouth. “He doesn’t come, Eggsy. If he comes, I don’t fuck you. I stop and come all over that gorgeous arse of yours…do you understand me?”

“Yes, oh yes, Calum.” Eggsy kisses him back, regretfully letting Merlin go so he can get lube and move to the foot of the bed.

“Oh, I do like this view,” Merlin murmurs. “I guess this is what it takes to get the two of you to shut up, then?” He quickly removes his pajama bottoms.

“Ignore him, ‘arry,” Eggsy says, letting Harry fall out of his mouth with a plop. He slowly licks him up and down, making Harry shudder. 

“He’s most definitely not the one I’m paying attention to,” Harry mumbles, bringing his thumb down to rub over Eggsy’s lips. Eggsy sucks it into his mouth and Harry growls. 

Merlin can just imagine the look on Eggsy’s face, eyes wide and innocent as he sucks Harry’s thumb. Merlin wets his fingers with lube and starts to tease at Eggsy’s hole, rimming with his fingertips before slowly starting to push inside. “Calum…oh fuck Calum yes,” Eggsy groans, arching his back.

“Feel good, my Eggsy?” Merlin rubs his hand over Eggsy’s spine. He curls a finger to find Eggsy’s prostate and Eggsy jerks forward.

“Such a tease, Merlin.” Harry strokes Eggsy’s face. “That’s mean.”

“But he loves it…don’t you?” Merlin adds a second finger. 

“Yes,” Eggsy almost sobs. He starts stroking Harry, sucking only the head.

“Christ, boy, your tongue,” Harry gasps.

Merlin takes much longer than he normally would getting Eggsy open and ready. He loves the way Eggsy’s body reacts, and the way he takes it out on Harry. Harry is soon begging for Eggsy to just “put his mouth on him already” and Eggsy begs Merlin to fuck him. Merlin leans across Eggsy’s back. “Let him go,” he whispers, taking the head of his cock and teasing Eggsy with it. “Don’t touch him. I want him to see your face when I go inside you. Want him to see how beautiful you are, how lucky I am to have you.”

“Yes…whatever you want, Calum, please…”

Merlin pushes inside and Eggsy lets his head loll back. “So tight for me…so perfect…”

Merlin forgets about Harry, forgets about anything except the beautiful tightness of Eggsy’s body. He places his hands on Eggsy’s hips, gently pulling him back to each thrust. Eggsy moans, arching back to meet Merlin until they’re moving in perfect tempo, as always. Eggsy whimpers, dipping his head down to take Harry in his mouth again. “Oh, fuck, Eggsy, this won’t…I’m so close…” Harry gasps once Eggsy’s mouth is around him again. 

“Not yet, Haz,” Eggsy murmurs, slowing down to kitten licks against his skin.

“That’s my good boy.” Merlin buries his face in Eggsy’s back, biting the tight muscles until Eggsy yelps. He reaches around Eggsy’s slender waist and starts to stroke his cock. “Let him come, Eggsy. MAKE him come.”

Eggsy takes Harry to the back of his throat twice and then he’s coming. His hands thread in Eggsy’s hair, back arching as he shouts. Eggsy slowly pulls back, kissing Harry’s hips. “Calum,” he says weakly, and Merlin slowly pulls Eggsy up until they’re both kneeling, Merlin’s cock still in his arse, still pushing in. “Yes, babe…” Eggsy turns his head and kisses Merlin’s jaw. “I love you…love you so much.”

“I love you, my Eggsy.” Merlin strokes Eggsy faster and soon he’s coming, drops of white dripping down to Harry’s legs, to Eggsy’s thighs. Only then does Merlin allow himself to follow, biting down on Eggsy’s shoulder as he comes. Merlin holds Eggsy close for a moment before finally releasing him and laying him down next to Harry. Merlin goes to the bath for the flannel, Merlin cleans them down and tucks them back into bed. Only then does he crawl back into his place behind Eggsy.

“Would I be permitted to ask what the fuck just happened?” Harry says finally.

“I’m not sure,” Merlin says honestly.

“Don’t,” Eggsy says in a strange voice. “Don’t say ya regret it now. Don’t make…I’m the one…”

“No. Shush, lad.” Merlin kisses him quiet. “Now that we’re not all thinking with our cocks, it’s setting in a bit.”

“I do believe I like when the two of you are thinking with your cocks,” Eggsy says in a posh accent. The older men smile, and Merlin knows that’s what Eggsy had hoped for. “I’m sorry if I pushed us into something, I just…you were so sweet last night, both of ya, an’ I woke up this mornin’ all cuddled between ya, warm an’ cozy, an’ I just wanted ya.”

“You are fairly hard to resist,” Harry admits. “Although I was just using you to get to Merlin. But as usual, you positioned yourself between us.” 

Merlin gapes at Harry. “Oi, back off old man, this beauty is mine.” Eggsy snuggles close to Merlin and kisses him.

“That’s right.” Merlin looks down and kisses his nose.

“Thank you for welcoming me into your bed,” Harry says formally.

Eggsy giggles. “Fuck, Haz, silver spoon up yer arse much?”

“Probably the only thing that’s been up his arse in a long time,” Merlin mutters in Eggsy’s ear.

“I heard that! Just for that, I won’t be buying you brunch in a few hours.” Harry pulls the covers up and rolls over. 

“Aw, Haz, don’t be mad.” But Eggsy’s still giggling.

Merlin pulls Eggsy close, burying his face in his hair. He knows they need to seriously talk about what just happened, how none of them seemed to really hesitate, and how comfortable it all felt. But for right now, he needed his boy, and sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran


	11. Chandelier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger...going on vacation again and will have no chances to write. There will be more upon my return in about 10 days!

_One two three one two three drink/throw ‘em back till I lose count…I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night/Feel my tears as they dry…_

 

Harry had indeed taken them to brunch later that day, and they sat in a tiny corner booth in a large diner, counting on the noise around them to muffle their conversation. They assured Eggsy that he hadn’t made a mistake in suggesting what he’d suggested, they assured Harry that he wasn’t any sort of homewrecker, and they assured Merlin that no one was looking to do anything more than what they’d done. They’d had a good time, they’d entrusted their bodies to each other, and there was no one else they’d ever want to do that with.

It happened two more times over the next few months; they’d been together at Harry’s, or at Merlin’s, and they’d just looked at one another and realized it was what they wanted. Every time it was mutual, and every time it was incredible. Eggsy and Merlin actually had incredible phone sex talking about it one night when Eggsy was tucked away in a dirty motel room in Cairo.

He started noticing, however, the way Harry was changing. It was subtle, of course; no matter what, Harry was not one to advertise his emotions. He seemed a bit more relaxed, a bit more tactile. When they were alone in his office, or Merlin’s office, he would touch Eggsy for no reason. Put a hand on his shoulder, drag a finger along his back as he walked by. Or he would nudge Merlin, poke his side, all in a teasing manner. He didn’t make advances, didn’t kiss or touch inappropriately. It was like he’d been holding back, waiting for a reason to give all the affection he’d been hiding away.

Merlin treated Harry the same as always, and of course treated Eggsy the same, although he spoke about Harry a lot more, worried about him a bit more. He was always a professional at work - Calum was never Calum at HQ, only ever Merlin – but he paid a bit more attention to Harry outside of work than he had before. He’d always considered Harry family, of course, but it was different now.

Eggsy didn’t mind, exactly. He knew that they weren’t in a polyamorous relationship. They didn’t consider Harry part of what they had, not on an emotional level. They simply fell into bed with him now and then. Of course some emotions were involved. Harry and Merlin had a history, not only as lovers but as friends for decades. And no matter what, Eggsy looked up to Harry almost like a superhero, although he was quick to acknowledge his faults. Sometimes, though, Eggsy looked at the two of them and thought he saw something more between them. He dismissed it as his occasional paranoid side coming through. Sometimes in the darkness of night, he allowed himself to remember that he was just a rent boy, just a drug pusher, just a kid from the wrong side of the tracks. He didn’t deserve the two of them, they deserved each other. But then Merlin would roll over in his sleep, kiss Eggsy’s shoulder and tell him he loved him, and those voices went away. Mostly.

 

He came home one night tired and hungry, having spent the day assisting MI-6 on an annoyingly boring mission observing some foreign dignitaries at a meeting of Parliament. He’s hoping for takeaway and a snuggle on the sofa, and sighs a bit as he hears Harry and Merlin talking in the kitchen.

“I’ve seen you do worse,” Merlin says, and Eggsy slows down in the hallway. “I do remember a broken shoulder in Prague…sprained ankle in Berlin…tonsillitis in Mexico City.”

“I cannot be blamed for the third one,” Harry points out. “Do you have some sort of dossier of my injuries?”

“No. Just a mind like a steel trap.”

“You remember all that about me?” Harry asks softly and Eggsy leans against the wall.

“You hold the records of the most visits to Medical, Galahad. It’s hard for me to forget.” There’s a pause. “Of course I remember. You’re the reason my hair fell out.”

“Are you sure you trust me to do this?” Harry asks.

“You could have been a surgeon, Harry. Of course I trust you. I love my lad, but he’s not the best with a needle.”

Eggsy stifles a gasp. A needle? What’s going on?

“He’s still young. We should be thankful he hasn’t had to do stitches more often,” Harry says.

“Aye. I’d rather not think of him going through what you did the first time, sitting on a rooftop, me walking you through stitching your own leg shut.”

“That was a nightmare,” Harry agrees.

“I trust you, Harry,” Merlin says softly.

“As I trust you…with my life.”

Eggsy thinks this is the perfect time to come down the hall. “Some spies you lot are…didn’t hear me come in?” He gapes at the bloody bandages on the table. “What tha fuck?”

“And here’s your true medicine. Hello, Eggsy.” Harry has Merlin’s forearm in front of him, biting his bottom lip as he carefully stitched something shut. “Merlin’s had a bit of an accident, I’m afraid.”

“Babe?”

“One of those glass bowls we have up top. I reached for it, it slipped out of my hand, broke on the counter, gave myself a bit of a cut. I’m fine.” 

“Not fine if Haz is stitchin’ ya up,” Eggsy snaps. “Bet it were one of those bowls on tha top shelf, right? The stupid fuckin’ shelf that’s way too high for any normal person ta reach, even tha two of you. Told ya ten thousand times ta get that stepstool fer that shelf, Calum. Look what fuckin’ happened!”

“Yes, Eggsy, you’re not my father, I don’t need a lecture,” Merlin retorts.

“Excuse tha fuck outta me. M’sorry fer freakin’ out a bit when I come in from a mission ta find ya surrounded by bloody towels with Harry stitchin’ yer damn arm shut.” Eggsy yanks his tie from around his neck. “M’gonna shower.”

“Lad, I’m sorry,” Merlin says immediately, but Eggsy’s already down the hall.

His anger fades a bit as he’s under the hot water, washing the day away. He knows Merlin hates being made much of, and he probably feels foolish for making such a stupid mistake. They’ve argued about those bowls and that shelf more than once, Eggsy asking that they move them to a safer location, and Merlin arguing that “they’ve always been there.” 

When he returns to the table, Merlin’s still sitting in his chair, arm neatly wrapped in a bit of gauze. Harry’s putting away the first aid kit and cleaning the table. “Sorry I yelled at ya, Calum,” Eggsy says immediately. “Was just worried is all.”

“No, I’m the one who should apologize for snapping at you when you were simply showing your concern.” Merlin gets to his feet and hugs him. “You’re right, I should have used the stepladder. Tomorrow we’ll start talking about a better way to rearrange this kitchen.”

“I love ya, Calum. Are ya okay?” Eggsy takes Merlin’s arm and tenderly kisses the bandage.

“Better now,” Merlin murmurs. “Kisses from you take every pain away.”

“Sap.” Eggsy wraps himself in Merlin’s arms and kisses him. He looks over at Harry, who is smiling fondly at them as he washes his hands. Eggsy extricates himself from Merlin’s embrace and goes to Harry. “Thanks fer playin’ doctor with my man, ‘arry.”

“Not quite how I’d imagined playing doctor with him would be, but you’re quite welcome.” Harry smiles as Eggsy kisses him as well. “I didn’t realize this was an accident that could have been avoided.”

“Too fuckin’ right it coulda been avoided,” Eggsy growls, and then pouts. “Tried ta get him ta move those bowls, didn’t I, but I was simply told that they’d always been there. He never wants ta change anything fer me.” It’s an exaggerated statement, but Eggsy’s in a bit of a playful mood now that he knows Merlin’s not really hurt.

“Merlin,” Harry says reproachfully, putting an arm around Eggsy. “You share this house. You should be willing to make a few changes.”

“He’s lived here over a year, and I have made quite a few changes, thank you very much.” Merlin glares at Eggsy. “Don’t be lying to Harry, lad.”

“And then he yelled at me when I was only tryin’ ta find out if he was okay.” Eggsy lays his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“He’s quite the ogre, isn’t he?” Harry kisses Eggsy’s forehead.

“Yes. I like you, ‘arry. Yer nice to me.” Eggsy gives Merlin a dirty look before putting his arms around Harry. “I wanna be nice to you.”

“Is that so?” Eggsy answers him by giving him a long deep kiss, reaching down to rub Harry’s hardening cock through his trousers. “Well, that is quite nice,” Harry says when Eggsy lets him up for breath. “However, you should probably forgive Merlin. He is injured, after all.”

“Oh, I suppose.” Eggsy goes over and kneels in front of Merlin, spreading his legs a bit. “Am I truly medicinal, babe?”

“You know you are,” Merlin tells him. Eggsy finds him already hard, just from watching Harry and Eggsy. 

“I think Harry should come help me. Just a little bit.” Eggsy opens Merlin’s trousers and eases him out through his pants. “No touchin’, babe. Yer injured, after all.” 

Harry kneels at Merlin’s side and kisses him. “I’d help him, but he’s just so very good at that.”

Merlin hisses as Eggsy takes him deeper and deeper into his mouth. “Oh, fuck, yes, he is.”

Harry slides a hand down to hold Merlin, occasionally stroking when Eggsy pulls back. “That good, babe? Feelin’ better?” Eggsy gasps after coming up for air. 

“Yes…so good…the two of you…” Merlin groans and Harry kisses him again. 

Harry moves his hand and Eggsy takes him all the way in. Merlin yelps and it only takes a few more times of doing just that before Merlin’s coming deep in his throat. Eggsy groans and hums a bit, loving the way Merlin jerks on his tongue. Harry’s kissing Merlin, swallowing his whimpers in a way that makes Eggsy even harder. 

Eggsy sits back and smiles up at Merlin. Merlin shakes himself and suddenly stands, almost knocking Eggsy over. He pulls up his pants and trousers, takes them each by the hand, and almost drags them upstairs. Practically before he knows it, Eggsy’s naked and riding Harry’s cock, Merlin kneeling next to him on the bed, kissing him and stroking him at a horribly slow pace. He has them both begging before he finally tells them to come, biting Eggsy’s shoulder as he shoots over Harry’s chest.

Eggsy carefully removes the condom from Harry and throws it away, coming back to the bed with warm wet flannels to clean Harry off. Harry and Merlin are cuddled on the bed, Harry’s head on Merlin’s shoulder. They’re in animated conversation about something, Harry almost giggling at whatever Merlin’s telling him. Their bodies are turned toward one another, and something flips in Eggsy’s chest. He swallows hard, standing at the doorway, realizing that yet again they haven’t even registered his presence.

He looks at Harry, who looks happy and comfortable next to Merlin. There aren’t hearts in his eyes or anything, but Eggsy’s reminded of the way Harry sounded when he told Eggsy that Merlin was most definitely the one that got away. Merlin also looks happy, comfortable and sated in a way that makes Eggsy sigh. He loves Merlin more than he thought he could love anyone, but he wonders if it’s enough to let him go, to let him be truly happy with the person who seems absolutely perfect for him. Harry and Merlin are the same age, have lived through the same things. They’ve lived through a time when they had to keep their heart’s preference a secret, lived through a time when making love to someone could actually kill them. They’ve lived through more as Kingsman than Eggsy can ever imagine. What possibly could Eggsy give Merlin compared to that? Maybe it was for the best that Harry told Eggsy his feelings for Merlin, because now they can be together.

He walks over and gently cleans Harry’s stomach and cock. “Thought you forgot about us, lad,” Merlin says, smiling up at him. 

“Never,” Eggsy says, trying to keep his voice steady. Merlin starts to move over so Eggsy has room between them, but Eggsy stops him. “Never got my dinner, did I? Stomach’s growlin’ somethin’ fierce. Fucked me hungry, didn’t ya?” He quickly pulls on jeans and a jumper of Merlin’s.

“I can come make you something,” Merlin says, starting to sit up.

“Don’t be ridiculous. I can manage ta find my dinner. You two stay here. Where ya belong.” Eggsy goes around the bed and kisses Harry’s forehead. “Sweet dreams, Haz.”

“Hurry back,” Harry says. “Merlin tends to hog the bed.”

Merlin snorts. “Hardly. I love you, my Eggsy.”

Eggsy gives him a long, tender kiss. “Not as much as I love you, babe.” 

He dresses and goes downstairs. He makes himself a sandwich but only eats half of it, too deep in thought to worry about eating. He sits alone in the kitchen for over an hour, thinking about things and wondering if he’s making the right decision. He finally gets up and finds a piece of paper and writes Merlin a note. He then goes upstairs, finds his shoes, and heads out the door.

 

The bar’s a bit more glitzy than the type of pub Eggsy normally frequents, but he doesn’t want what he normally frequents. He wants the noise, the buzz, the lights. Anything that can make him forget that his heart is at home in bed with another man. 

“I’m gonna tell ya an exact way ta make a martini,” Eggsy yells at the bartender. “I want it done specifically this way, an’ I want ya ta keep them coming until I tell ya ta stop. If my glass is empty, make another one. Ya get me?”

“You got money for this sorta thing, bruv?” The bartender asks.

Eggsy pulls out his black Kingsman credit card and slides it across the bar. “I’d say I do.”

“You most certainly do, sir.” 

Eggsy gives him careful instructions and makes the man repeat them back. “Got it?”

“I do. I’ll keep them coming,” the man says. 

“Good man.” Eggsy studies the metal bar in front of him. This is why he chose a place like this. No warmth, no comfort. Cold metal and steel, electric lights, electric noise. The bartender places the martini in front of Eggsy and looks at him expectantly. Eggsy sips it. “Perfect.” The bartender smiles and nods and moves to the next customer.

Eggsy finishes the drink quickly and another one appears. He nods in approval and downs that one as well. By the third martini, he’s calm enough to start thinking about his living situation. He still has a flat in his name; even if he doesn’t use it, he’s kept it just in case something would happen and they’d need some sort of safehouse. He doesn’t want to go there, however. He knows that it would be the first place Merlin would look for him, and he doesn’t want to be found. He can’t go to Roxy; Merlin would go there after the flat. After the fourth martini he actually considers just crashing at Harry’s house for the night. He has the passcode, and Merlin definitely would NOT look there. But Harry will eventually come home, and that’s not a discussion Eggsy’s ready to have.

“You sure you want another one, mate?” The bartender asks as he sits down martini #5. 

“Yes I do, although yer a credit to yer profession just for asking, guv.” Eggsy tries to pat the man’s hand and misses ever so slightly. “Promise that I can hold my liquor, an’ I ain’t drivin’ home. Ain’t goin home.” He sighs and stares into his glass.

“Problems at home, sweetheart?” A sweet perfume wafts into his nose as he turns to look at the woman sitting next to him. She’s in a pretty pink dress, has brown eyes and wavy brown hair, and is looking at him with concern. “You’re far too sweet looking to be sitting here by yourself. Someone do you wrong?”

“I ain’t sweet, luv, though you’re pretty sweet fer thinkin’ so. No, no one did me wrong except me.”

“Poor thing.” She puts her hand on his thigh. He gently removes it.

“Sorry, luv. Not so hard up that I gotta pay fer it.”

“I probably should be insulted.” She gives a merry laugh. “But I’m not. A bit flattered that you think me pretty enough to do it for a living, though.” She winks at him and nudges him with her shoulder. “I’m married.” She flashes a diamond ring. “Six years now.”

“Congratulations.” Eggsy sighs. “Been with my bloke fer three. Never talked about puttin’ a ring on it.” He looks up at her. She is quite beautiful, but in an understated way. “You’re pretty,” he decides. “Would yer hubby be mad if I bought ya a drink? Just cuz yer bein’ so nice.”

“Of course he wouldn’t. He’s coming this way, actually, so you can ask him.” She waves her hand and a handsome man sits on Eggsy’s other side. He has jet black hair and bright blue eyes and smiles at Eggsy when he sits down. “This is my husband, Roman. I’m Jackie. And you are?”

“Gary,” Eggsy says. Even in his inebriated state he knows not to give too much away. “Nice ta meet ya. Roman, yer wife here has been fuckin’ aces, talkin’ sweet ta me. Was gonna buy her a drink ta thank her. Izzat all right with you? Can buy you one, too.”

“You’re too kind. We’ll most definitely accept,” Roman says. Eggsy waves the bartender over.

“Whatever they want, I’m buyin’. An’ I’m almost done here.” He waves his glass in the air.

“Sir, I’m not sure…”

“Give him one more,” Roman tells the bartender. “We’ll take care of him.”

“So nice,” Eggsy says with a sigh.

“Gary has a bloke at home, but he’s in here all by his lonesome,” Jackie says. 

Roman puts his arm around the back of Eggsy’s chair and moves in a little closer. “What happened, friend?”

“Nothin’, really. I was stupid fer a while, got smart today. He’s too good fer tha likes of me.” He nods his thanks to the bartender and signs the check.

“I can’t imagine anyone being too good for you,” Roman murmurs, his eyes warm as they look Eggsy over. Eggsy blushes a bit. He’s not used to attractive men looking at him like that. Of course, he’s not normally out socially without Merlin.

“So you came in here, all alone, looking to forget?” Jackie asks, sipping her cocktail through its straw and licking her lips. Eggsy licks his lips in response.

“Yeah…not my usual kinda place, but it were close.”

“You’re definitely not really dressed for a club like this,” Roman says with a grin, running his hand down Eggsy’s arm.

“My bloke’s jumper…didn’t realize I grabbed it,” Eggsy admits. He dips his head and inhales a bit, smelling Merlin in the fabric.

“You know, Gary, just because you came in here alone, doesn’t mean you have to leave alone,” Roman murmurs in his ear. Eggsy shivers and finishes his martini.

“Can’t go home. He…I can’t go home,” Eggsy realizes morosely.

“You could come to our flat,” Jackie suggests, quickly drinking her cocktail. “We live close by…we could have a nightcap, chat a bit.”

“That sounds nice. Yer nice. Both of ya.”

“We’ll take good care of you,” Roman promises. He finishes his drink as well and helps Eggsy from his chair. “Careful there.”

“M’fine,” Eggsy insists, although the room does wobble a bit when he stands up.

“We’re parked out back,” Jackie says, leading the way to the side door.

Eggsy stumbles along after her, welcoming the warm arm around his waist. He looks at Roman, who is just about his height. “Usually a bit more coordinated than this.”

“You’ve had a rough day, Gary,” Roman says sympathetically.

Jackie’s waiting in the alley between the buildings. “You all right?” Eggsy nods and she giggles. “Wait…I can’t go any further without doing this.” She stands on tiptoe and kisses him, her hands reaching around to grab at his backside. “God, you are beautiful.”

“Yes, he is,” Roman agrees. “But behave yourself. It’s my turn tonight, we decided that already.”

“I know,” she says with a sigh. She gives Eggsy one more kiss. “Very well.”

“Yer turn?” Eggsy asks in confusion.

“Don’t worry about that,” Roman says quickly. He puts an arm around Eggsy, nuzzling against his neck. “You smell good.”

Eggsy allows Roman to lead him down the alley to the back lot. “Ya live close? Just one drink, right?”

“Just one,” she promises. She digs in her purse for the keys. “We’re right here.”

Eggsy gratefully leans against the car, closing his eyes for a moment. He gasps as he feels lips on his neck. “You are so fucking gorgeous, Gary. I cannot wait to have you spread out for me in our bed.” Roman’s breath is warm on his skin.

“I can’t wait to watch you,” Jackie says in a husky tone.

Roman’s hand slides down to rub over Eggsy’s groin. “I can’t wait to touch you…touch this…”

The touch is wrong, the voice is wrong, the body is wrong. Eggsy pushes him away a bit. “Wait.”

“We’re not doing anything here,” Roman promises. “At our flat. We have a big bed…can have some wine…” Roman moves in for another kiss.

“No. I can’t.” Eggsy shakes his head and steps away. “Appreciate tha offer an’ all, but I can’t. I don’t want to. Please.”

“Gary…”

They make no move to go after him, thankfully, because he’s not sure he could put up a fight. “Gotta go.” He stumbles back through the alley to the front of the building.

He runs into one of the men at the front door and apologizes. “You all right, man? Need me to call you a cab?” The man reaches for his phone.

“No, thank you. I…I’m calling a cab now.” Eggsy manages to get his phone out and call for a Kingsman cab. He cannot believe what he’d almost allowed himself to do. They were nice, and the attention was good, but it wasn’t what he wanted. Even if he’d never have Merlin again, it didn’t mean he wanted anyone else.

He arranges for the driver to meet him at the end of the block and he gratefully tumbles into the backseat. “Where to, sir?”

“Headquarters,” Eggsy says.

He makes into the building without running into anyone he knows. As he stumbles to his office, he realizes there is one place he can go, one place no one will really ask questions. It’s taking advantage of a friendship, but he hopes that friendship is still strong enough to ask this favor. It’s late, and although he knows he could call Arthur if he really wanted to, there’s no real reason to wake the man. Eggsy goes to his office, sets his alarm, and curls up on the floor. He brings Merlin’s jumper up to cover his mouth and chin before falling asleep.

 

“Bloody hell what time is it?” Harry growls.

“Six.” Merlin rolls over and turns off the alarm, surprised that Eggsy isn’t in bed with them. “Some of us try to get to work on time.”

“And your lad is one of them, apparently.” Harry sits up and rubs at his eyes. “Would I be expecting too much to hope that he’s made breakfast.”

“Yes. He grabs something light for breakfast, usually. He’s also usually still in bed at this time.” Merlin pulls on a pair of pants and steps into his slippers.

“Six o’clock.” Harry shakes his head but crawls out of bed and puts some of his clothing back on. 

They take turns in the loo and stumble downstairs. “I don’t smell coffee, so he’s not making breakfast,” Merlin says finally. “Eggsy?” He calls. 

“In the guest room?” Harry suggests. “Perhaps he didn’t want to disturb us.”

“Perhaps.” Merlin wanders down the hall and finds the guest room empty. 

They head for the kitchen. “Maybe he went for an early run?”

“His keys were by the door,” Merlin says absently. He looks at the table and freezes when he sees a folded piece of paper with his name on it.

“What is it?” Harry asks.

“How do I know, you idiot?” Merlin snaps. He picks up the paper and opens it, legs going weak as he reads. He falls into the closest chair, staring at the note.

“My god, Merlin, what is it?”

“Dearest Calum, I know this is the coward’s way out and very dramatic of me, but I’m not sure what else to do. Watching you with Harry shows me that he’s who you’re meant to be with. You’re perfect for each other in every way. Don’t worry I’ll be back for my things. I wish you true happiness together. Know I love you more than anything and you’ve made me the happiest man in the world. Love always, Eggsy.” Merlin finishes reading and stares into space. “He’s left me.”

“He hasn’t left you. You obviously read it wrong.” Harry swipes the paper from Merlin. “Jesus Christ.” He tosses the paper on the table. “You said this wouldn’t change anything! You said everything would be fine!”

“I thought it would be fine, you prick! He said it was fine. He said he didn’t…he said…” Merlin takes a deep breath and blinks hard. “I don’t know what to do.”

Harry reaches into his pocket and turns on his phone. He dials a number and sighs. “He has his phone off.”

“Of course he does.” Merlin stands up. “I need to get ready for work.”

“Merlin.”

“Please go, Harry. You need to get ready for work as well.”

“But Merlin…”

“My job comes before all else, Harry. I cannot abandon the other agents just because an agent has abandoned me.”

Merlin makes it into HQ and heads for his office. He boots up his computers, hoping for an email or a text or something from Eggsy. Nothing. He’s not in his office, and Merlin knows he hasn’t gone to his flat. Roxy is out of the country, so he’s not there. 

Harry bursts into his office at ten o’clock. “No one’s seen him all day. We need to speak with Arthur.”

“Harry…”

“I’ll not have you moping around here wondering if he’s in hospital somewhere. We’ll ask if he’s heard from him, and if he says no, you can track him.”

“I’ll not use Kingsman technology to track my ex-boyfriend,” Merlin says firmly, trying not to choke on the last words. “If he wants to be rid of me, I’ll not chase him.”

“Merlin, he doesn’t want to be rid of you. He’s…”

“Gone,” Merlin finishes. “But very well. I’ll go with you to Arthur, although I doubt he knows where he is.”

 

“Agent Gawain? He’s gone to Sweden.”

Harry watches Merlin’s mouth fall open. “Sweden, sir?”

“Yes, Merlin. He said he’d received an urgent message for the princess asking for his assistance. He asked if he could take some time off, and I said he could. I told him to take one of the jets, since it’s a matter of international diplomacy, really.” Arthur looks at him questioningly. “I figured you would have known, Merlin.”

“I was asleep when he left,” Merlin says truthfully. “I’m sure he’ll text me once he gets there.”

“Thank you, sir. We were concerned…his phone was off. Probably because he’s in the air,” Harry says. “Come on, Merlin. I’d like to speak with you about those new lighters you were talking about.”

Harry guides Merlin down to his office. He makes sure the door is closed and locked behind them. “Calum.”

“Harry.” Merlin falls into Harry’s arms and actually starts to weep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chandelier - Sia


	12. Like We Never Had a Broken Heart

_And I won’t have to tell you lies/Cause it’s not you I’m thinking of_

 

As the Kingsman jet lands in Sweden, Eggsy realizes he’s not quite sure what to do. He’s always been greeted at the airport, because the royal family was always aware of the possibility he might come visit at a moment’s notice. He hasn’t spoken to Tilde in months, and he’s not quite sure of the welcome he’ll receive. 

He finally just jumps into a cab and asks to be taken to the palace. When he gets there, he stands outside the gate for a long moment, looking at the huge building. He could text her, but what if she doesn’t respond? What if she’s not even home? They’ve spoken since their breakup, but it’s not like they’re the best of friends. He did leave her for another man, after all.

He finally goes up to the guard shack and knocks on the window. “Could you please call in and tell the princess that Gary Unwin is here to see her?”

“And why should I do that?” The man asks.

Eggsy sighs. Fuck. “Erik,” he says suddenly, remembering the head of the royal household. “Could you call Erik? He knows me. Please, sir, please.”

The man stares at him for a long moment. “If I get in trouble for this…what’s the name again?”

“Gary. Gary Unwin.”

The man picks up a telephone and dials. “Yes, sir, pardon the interruption. There is a young man out here saying he knows you, asking to see the princess? Gary Unwin, sir.” The man looks Eggsy over. “Yes, exactly.” He puts the phone aside and says, “For whom do you work?”

“Kingsman tailors, sir.”

“Kingsman tailors,” the guard says into the phone. “Absolutely.” He hangs up. “You may go in. Erik will be waiting at the door.”

“Thank you,” Eggsy says.

He practically runs to the door of the palace, where a tall blond man is waiting with the door open. “Mr. Unwin. An unexpected pleasure.”

“I’m sorry to drop in unannounced, Erik. I thank you for letting me in. Is…is she home?”

“She is. She’s upstairs.”

“Thanks.” Eggsy takes the steps two at a time and is breathless by the time he reaches the door to her apartments. He raises his hand to knock and the door flies open.

“Eggsy Unwin, why in the world are you here? I thought you…” Tilde’s eyes widen at the sight of him. “Oh, my dear Eggsy.”

“Hello, Tilde. I was in the neighborhood and…” Eggsy’s chin wobbles and he swallows. 

“Of course you may. Come in.” She puts an arm around him and guides him inside. “Do you need anything?”

“No, I…yes.” Eggsy practically crumples onto the closest sofa. “I need to hide for a few days. I know it’s a lot to ask of you, that I’m nothing to you and you really don’t…”

“You are not nothing to me,” Tilde interrupts. “You are still my dearest Eggsy. Nothing will change that, even if our relationship has changed. Are you hurt?”

“Just on the inside,” he whispers. “And I caused that hurt myself.”

“Well, how about I…” Tilde looks at him again. She sinks to the floor and removes his shoes, and the thought briefly flies through his mind that a princess is taking off his shoes. She sits at the end of the sofa and pats her lap. “Come here, my sweet boy.” He curls up next to her, half on her lap. He gratefully lays his head on her and she starts to stroke his hair. “Did he do something to you?” She whispers. He shakes his head. “You may hide here as long as you like.”

 

“Right. Thank you.” Harry hangs up his phone. “They’ll have a jet ready in an hour. I think you should probably go home and change. Perhaps a suit. You look like sin in a suit.”

“Where am I going in a suit?” Merlin looks at Harry with wet swollen eyes.

“To retrieve your man, of course,” Harry says. “You can make him understand. He’ll listen, and…”

“Harry, I’m not going to Sweden. I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I’m not going. I’m not running after him.”

“You’re seen the movies, Merlin. He wants you to run after him. You’ll run after him, show up at the palace, profess your undying love, and he’ll get his head out of his perfect arse.”

“I am not quite the rom-com aficionado that you are, Harry. I don’t believe that there’s a cute little fix-it at the end. Eggsy’s made his choice. And the fact that he’s currently in Sweden shows you exactly what his choice is.”

“Merlin!” Harry gasps. “You think…he and the princess…”

“If he thinks I should be with you, Harry, what’s to keep him from going back to her?” Merlin asks glumly.

“Perhaps the fact that he loves you more than life itself? He gave her up for you, Merlin. I doubt he’d go running back to her and expect to pick up where they left off.”

“He’s quite amazing, Harry. I doubt he’d have to do much to convince her.” Merlin stands. “Thank you for your kind intentions, but…it is what it is. I need to get back to work.”

“Merlin, this is ridiculous.”

“No. You continuing to think I’m headed for a happy ending is ridiculous.” Merlin hugs Harry and kisses his cheek. “I knew long ago that people only love me because they have to, not because they mean it. They all realize it in the end. I shouldn’t have let myself hope.”

“You stupid wanker,” Harry says. Merlin smiles and leaves his office.

 

Merlin focuses on his work, the one constant in his life. His work never disappoints, never changes its mind, never leaves. He guides Kay through a difficult mission over lunch, and yells at three different tech employees by dinner. He’s considering sleeping on his sofa when Harry bursts back through the door. “Jesus, Harry, you talk about other people knocking.”

“It’s time to go home.”

“I’m fine here.”

“No. You’re going home to sleep, and I’m going with you. You’re going to eat something and you’re going to sleep in your bed.”

Pain stabs through Merlin’s heart. “I can’t…I don’t want…”

“Fine,” Harry says, softening slightly. “You’ll sleep in the guestroom, then. I refuse to let you kill yourself.”

“I wasn’t planning on it!” Merlin says honestly.

“Perhaps not with a knife or a gun. But you’ll work yourself to death. You won’t eat, you won’t sleep, you’ll overwork yourself. And I will not stand by and watch you do it.”

“I think there’s a mission ready for you.” Merlin starts poking at his keyboard.

Harry slams the laptop shut and Merlin yelps in surprise. “Calum Macnair, get your arse out of that chair and on the bullet train or so help me God, I will make your life a living hell. You sat next to me when I was in a coma. You helped me find myself after I was shot in the head. You gave me my sight back. I will NOT sit here and allow you to die in front of me. He’s just a man. There are millions of men on this planet, and if Eggsy’s fucking stupid enough to let you go, there’s someone smart enough to take his place. Now get up.”

Merlin silently stands, a bit shocked by Harry’s rant. “I could probably eat,” he says in a small voice.

“Damn right you could. Now march.” Harry gives him a gentle shove towards the door.

 

It takes two hours for Eggsy to cry himself out on Tilde’s lap. He finally sits up and wipes at his eyes. “Christ…that was embarrassing. I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She stands and stretches. “Oh, the pins and needles.” She rubs at her thighs and calves. “Why don’t you take a shower? There are…I still have some of your clothes in the drawer in the bedroom.”

“Oh.” Eggsy blinks. He hadn’t realized he’d forgotten anything. “Thank you.”

“I’ll ring for some food. I’m sure you’re probably hungry.”

“Tilde.” Eggsy hugs her, resting his forehead against hers. “Thank you. You don’t have to do this. You should tell me to fuck off and leave you alone.”

“I probably should,” she agrees. “But I cannot do that when you arrive here looking so sad. Like someone ran over your dog.”

“The only person to blame for this is me, Tilde. I’m the one who let him in…who allowed things to go as far as they did. Merlin did nothing wrong.” Eggsy claps a hand over his mouth. Although Tilde knew he’d gotten involved with another man, he’s never said who it was.

“Merlin? The bald man in charge of the computers?” Tilde’s eyes widen. “Well. Fuck.”

Eggsy bursts out laughing, a welcome warmth running through his body. “Oh, Tilde, you are the most amazing woman on the planet.”

“Very true. Now go take your shower.” 

Eggsy kisses her forehead and heads for the bath.

He does feel better once he’s showered and had something to eat. She cancels her appointments for the day and they simply spend time together. She doesn’t ask him to elaborate on anything, although he realizes he keeps bringing Merlin’s name up in conversation. They take a long walk in the palace gardens, and Eggsy welcomes the opportunity to just relax. Every other time he’d been there, he’d felt as if he had to perform, had to pretend to be something he wasn’t. Now he could simply be Eggsy Unwin, friend to the Princess of Sweden. He’s not sure how it happens, but he finds himself holding her hand as they walk, and she presses against him as she points out changes they’ve made to the landscaping. When they return to the house, she plops down next to him on the sofa and leans her head on his shoulder.

“I am sorry you are so sad, Eggsy, but this has been a nice day. Quite relaxing for me. I need to do this more often.” She picks up a large envelope. “I must go through paperwork like this every day. It gets very tiresome.”

“I’m sure it does,” Eggsy says. Tilde is fun-loving and full of life. He can’t see her behind a long table, crown on her head, going through the daily file of important documents. “Please don’t keep from working on my account. I can amuse myself…or can I help you in some way?”

“I’m afraid not,” she says. “Confidential documents.”

“Of course. I’ll just…” He starts to get up but she pulls him down. 

“No. Stay with me. You may watch television if you like…it will not disturb me.” She snuggles close to him and opens the folder.

“All right.” So Eggsy spends the next hour watching television with the Crown Princess of Sweden signing documents as she leans against his shoulder. This is his life.

They have supper in her rooms, a small table brought in with plates of Eggsy’s favorite palace food. “Thank you,” Tilde says to the butler. “We will serve ourselves.”

“As you wish, Your Royal Highness.” He bows and the staff depart.

“Fuck, Tilde…you didn’t need to go to all this trouble.” Eggsy inhales deeply.

“I am happy to have you here. It is a small thing.” She flips her napkin into her lap.

Eggsy manages not to eat the plate as he devours the food. Tilde laughs at him but says nothing. As he pushes himself back from the table, he thinks about something. “Tilde, do you think they could prepare one of the guest rooms for me? A small one…don’t need a lot of room.”

“No,” she says. “You will sleep here.”

“Tilde, I can’t…”

“Of course you can. The staff will talk no matter what, but I’d rather them talk where we can’t hear it.”

“I…all right,” Eggsy says with a sigh. “I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

“Ridiculous.”

“I’ll sleep on the sofa,” he repeats firmly. He doesn’t want her thinking that’s why he came to Sweden.

“Fine,” she says just as firmly. “But you are still ridiculous.”

After dinner they change into more comfortable bed clothes, Eggsy in a pair of sweats and a vest he’d left in the palace, and Tilde in a camisole and pajama bottoms. She curls up next to him on the sofa again and they watch television. Eggsy starts yawning almost immediately, his full stomach and the events of the day finally catching up to him. “Sorry,” he says.

“It is fine. You are tired, I understand.” She sits back and looks at him. “Long day.” She gently runs her fingers through his hair.

“Thank you for everything.” He takes her hand and kisses the palm. “You’re too good to me.”

“I know.” She smiles a little. “I have missed you.”

“And I you,” he says honestly.

She leans in and kisses him. “I will say good night, then.”

“Good night.” He kisses her as well.

Tilde doesn’t move, just leans on him and looks into his eyes. She leans in closer and kisses him again, this time a bit harder. Her lips are warm and soft, gentle yet passionate. He gasps a bit and then he’s kissing her back, arms wrapping around her. The kisses are familiar, like something he’d almost forgotten. She crawls onto his lap, kissing him and running her hands through his hair. “Oh, Eggsy,” she murmurs. “I’ve missed you so.”

She grabs at his vest and tugs and he allows her to pull it off. Her camisole soon joins it, and her skin is warm and soft against his body. He moans as she kisses down his throat. She slides down his body to kneel on the floor between his legs. Her mouth is hot and wet, and when she starts to pull down the sweat pants, he arches and helps her almost without thinking. His mind is buzzing as his body reacts to the familiar touch. “Christ,” he gasps as she takes his cock in her slender hands.

“Oh, my Eggsy,” she murmurs, starting to lick him.

His hands fist in her hair as she says the words, and his body instantly freezes. His hands shouldn’t be in long blonde hair when he hears those words. Those words belong to muscle and long limbs and a smooth bald head. “Wait…fuck, Tilde, wait…” He gently pushes her away and tucks his cock back into his pants. “Fuck.” He wipes his hand over his face. “I can’t. We can’t do this.”

“But you want to.” Her finger finds the hardness of his cock through the fabric.

“Oh, my body most definitely does. It remembers you very very well.” His head falls back. “But it wouldn’t be right. It would be for just right now, just for tonight, because I’m hurting. And I refuse to hurt you that way. You don’t deserve it.”

“I really want you to fuck me,” she says unhappily, sounding like a petulant child. “I’ve missed your cock.”

“Well, I thank you for the compliment,” he says with a small smile. She is like no one he’s ever met. “But I won’t do that. I’m sorry.”

“I suppose you are right.” She finds her camisole and puts it on, handing him his vest along the way. “You are very hard to replace.”

“I don’t know about that,” he says. She stands up and kisses the top of his head.

“I will find you a pillow and blankets.”

“Thank you, Tilde.” Eggsy goes to the loo and splashes cold water on his face.

 

Harry sends Merlin on ahead to his house with strict orders to shower and change when he gets there. He follows behind, stopping along the way for takeaway. When he gets to the house Merlin is still upstairs, but he can hear the water running. Harry organizes dinner on the table, opens beer for the both of them, and is sitting in his chair when Merlin appears in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Better,” Harry remarks at the sight of Merlin in his favorite old jumper and jeans. “You look like a human being.”

“Excuse me for falling apart when my heart skips town without telling me, Galahad.” Merlin falls onto a chair and frowns. “I showered. I’m home. Happy?”

“After you eat this, I will be ecstatic.” Harry fills a plate and hands it to Merlin. “Eat and stop being such a stroppy brat.”

“Fuck off,” Merlin growls, but he picks up a fork.

Harry eats but keeps an eye on Merlin as he makes small talk. Merlin finishes his first beer before he’s halfway done with his food, and Harry silently provides him with a second. He finishes the second as he pushes the empty plate away. “Good boy,” Harry says, patting Merlin on the head as he gets up to clear the table.

“Are you trying to get me drunk and have your wicked way with me?” Merlin asks as Harry hands him a third beer.

“No. This is the last one you’re getting. I just figured it might help take the edge off.” Normally Harry would make a smart comment regarding having his wicked way with Merlin, but he knows it’s no longer appropriate. “Did you want anything else?”

“No, thank you.” Merlin sighs. “I appreciate you looking out for me, Harry. And you’re right, it has taken the edge off a bit. Maybe I’ll just start drinking every night. Every day, too.”

“And what happens to your agents, Merlin? You’d leave them floundering in the field because you’re passed out at your desk?”

“I would never do anything to harm any of the agents,” Merlin says immediately.

“I know,” Harry says softly. He removes his jacket, cuffs his sleeves, and starts water in the sink. 

“What are you doing?” 

“The dishes are still here from yesterday. I’m going to wash them.”

“Harry.” Merlin gets up. “That’s unnecessary.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Harry,” Merlin says helplessly, but Harry ignores him and starts washing dishes.

“I never thought we’d end up here, did you?” Harry says finally. “You’re Merlin. Well…actually, I did see that coming. I knew from the day I came downstairs to be your guinea pig that you’d be Merlin someday. I didn’t see myself lasting this long at Kingsman. I didn’t see myself LIVING this long as a Kingsman. I figured I’d do something hotheaded and stupid and get kicked out…or killed.”

“You have behaved rashly more than once,” Merlin agrees. “I definitely never saw us like this…standing in my kitchen…me with a broken heart…you washing my dishes.”

“Merlin,” Harry says with a sigh.

“Harry.” Merlin takes the plate Harry’s holding and drops it back into the water. He holds Harry’s dripping hands. “Thank you.”

“Of course. It’s my fault we’re in this whole mess…washing your dishes is the least I can do.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. I suppose I shouldn’t have ended things between us back then.” Merlin rubs his thumbs over Harry’s wet skin. “If I hadn’t, perhaps you would have said something, and then we’d be doing this because it’s what old married couples do.”

“Married couples,” Harry scoffs. Merlin doesn’t smile. “Do you really think you would have married me? Once it became legal, of course.”

“Yes, I do.” Merlin leans in and kisses him.

Harry instantly pulls away. “Merlin, wait.”

“Maybe Eggsy was right. Maybe we belong together. You’re taking care of me, being so kind…you do still have feelings for me. And I care about you.” Merlin put a hand on the back of Harry’s neck, pulling him in for another kiss.

Harry’s hands go to Merlin’s hips against his wishes, and he cannot stop his body from melting against Merlin’s. “Merlin,” he groans as Merlin’s mouth slides down his throat. “No…it’s not…oh FUCK, Merlin,” he growls as Merlin bites down.

“Yes, Harry?” Merlin hisses in his ear. He turns them and Harry finds himself pressed back against the counter, his cock hardening against Merlin’s body. “I know you want me…want this…”

“How could I help it?” Harry says, finally getting the strength to push Merlin away. He slides his hand down Merlin’s chest to his groin, where Merlin’s soft cock is hidden beneath his clothing. He gently pats. “But you don’t want it. I’m not the one you want, and you know it. You do care about me, we have a special friendship. But I’m not the one you want.”

“Why does everyone stop loving me?” Merlin blurts out. He shakes his head. “Forget I said that. That sounded pathetic. I need to fucking man up.” He steps back. “I’m sorry I assaulted you.”

“If that’s your idea of assault, I’m ashamed of you,” Harry says. “You could do better than that.” He sighs. “You didn’t assault me. You’re lonely and you’re broken and you’re looking for a temporary plaster. I’ll not be that plaster for you, Merlin. There’s only one person who can mend your heart, and hopefully he’ll start to wise up and get his arse back here.”

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Merlin whispers. 

“It’s all right.” Harry hugs him and mentally curses Eggsy Unwin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like We Never Had a Broken Heart - Trisha Yearwood


	13. Everything

_And I can’t believe that I’m your man/And I get to kiss you baby just because I can/Whatever comes our way, we’ll see it through/And you know that’s what our love can do_

 

“Tilde.” Eggsy puts down his knife and fork and takes a deep breath. “I appreciate your hospitality, but I think it’s time I get back home. It’s been three weeks. I can’t hide anymore.”

“You are always welcome, of course,” Tilde says with a smile. “For as long as you like. I can have Erik go shopping, get you more clothing?”

Eggsy sighs and reaches for her hand. “I would love nothing more than to hide here forever, but I can’t. I’m a Kingsman agent, and I need to get back to work. And I’m sure Erik has better things to do than continuing to shop for me.”

“Very well.” She squeezes his hand. “But I will miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too. We’ll keep in touch this time, yeah?”

“Of course.”

He gets up from the table. “I’ll just notify Arthur so they can send the jet back for me. Fuck…this is going to be the hardest thing ever, going back there.”

“Eggsy.” Tilde stands and walks over to him. “I may not be the smartest person on the planet, but I’ve put a few things together. It seems to me that you are making the trouble for you and Merlin. Did he ever say he wanted someone else?”

“No, but…”

“Did he ever say he didn’t love you?”

“No, but…”

“Do you love him?”

“Fuck yes.”

“Then quit being an arsehole and get your lover back.” She smacks him on the arm. Hard. “You stupid twat.” She looks pleased. “I used the word right, yes?”

“Yes,” Eggsy says with a grin, giving her a big hug.

 

“Merlin?”

“WHAT?” Merlin all but yells at the intruder in his office. “Oh. Galahad. My apologies.” Merlin rubs his hand over his chin, scratching at his beard. “I’m on my way out the door, headed down to the lab. I need to crack some skulls together.”

“You are always at your best when you’re violent,” Harry says cheerfully. “And I keep meaning to tell you, I really love the whole Neanderthal thing you have going on.” He motions to his own chin as well as his head. “It only adds about ten years to your face.”

“Thank you, Harry. I do enjoy these chats we have.” Merlin starts gathering his papers together.

“So you won’t mind when I tell you that your jumper looks as if it’s eight sizes too large?”

“Don’t start.”

“Merlin, it’s been three weeks. You really need to start eating more than one meal a day.”

“Harry, any day now the palace will announce their engagement. When that happens, I promise you I will go home and eat a seven-course meal,” Merlin says angrily. “Because then I’ll know it’s officially over. Until then, you can fuck off.”

“You’re being preposterous. They’re not getting engaged.” Harry closes his eyes and counts to ten, doing everything in his power to keep from punching Merlin in the face. “Everyone always says I’m the drama queen, but really…you’re the worst.”

“Then leave me alone.” Merlin brushes by Harry and heads down the corridor.

“Behavior unbecoming of a gentleman!” Harry yells after him before turning and walking in the other direction.

As he approaches Arthur’s office, he notices the door is open. “Yes, that’s fine, Gawain,” he hears Arthur say. Harry stops in his tracks. “We’ll expect you around three o’clock, then. Yes, that’s fine. I do need to speak to you before you go, however. Of course. Until then.” Arthur hangs up and Harry turns around and walks the other way.

 

As soon as the jet starts its descent over England Eggsy starts to shake. His leg starts tapping, and soon his hands are quivering on his knees. He plans out the best escape route, trying to get to his office and then to the bullet train without speaking to anyone. He takes a few deep breaths and tries to relax. It’s HQ. He belongs here. He’s done nothing wrong, nothing illegal. He’s texted a few times with Roxy, who’d told him that Merlin’s been reporting to work as if nothing’s happened. So it’s fine. He did the right thing. It’s fine.

He thanks the pilot and leaves the jet. He quickly walks through the halls, saying hello to the people he meets but not stopping to talk. He enters his code into the office door, goes in, and sighs as he closes the door and leans against it. Success.

“Good afternoon, Gawain.”

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Eggsy gasps, actually putting his hand over his heart. “You scared the fuck outta me, ‘arry!”

“I’d appreciate it if you called me Galahad, Gawain.” Harry’s sitting behind Eggsy’s desk, rocking a bit in his chair. “My friends call me Harry, and you have obviously shown that you no longer wish to be my friend.”

“What tha fuck are ya talkin’ about, ‘arry?” Harry raises an eyebrow. “Fine. Galahad. Whatever.”

“How could I possibly be your friend, when your actions have shown that you believe me to be Merlin’s perfect mate? There’s no way you could be my friend, not when you think he should be with me. Could you REALLY be my friend, talk to me, spend time with me, knowing that I share a bed with Merlin at night? Knowing that we spend our evenings together, fuck each other?” 

Eggsy winces. “I suppose not,” he says finally.

“You suppose not.” Harry slowly stands. “There’s another way you’ve shown that you are no longer my friend. My friend would not do such a thing to me, make decisions about my life.”

“Yer life? I didn’t do anything ta you!”

“You didn’t?” Harry stares at him in disbelief. “Eggsy, you decided that Merlin and I belonged together. You decided that you didn’t want him in your life any longer. You shoved him towards me without a backward glance. So yes, I’d say you made a decision about my life.”

“I never decided that I didn’t want him in my life,” Eggsy says, his heart choking his throat. “Never. Didn’t shove him anywhere. Took one look at you two an’ knew, didn’t I?”

“Knew what?”

“He deserved you, not me. Deserved someone smart an’ posh an’ experienced. Someone his own age, who understood an’ loved him. Someone compatible with all his needs.”

“Who are you to decide what Merlin needs, Eggsy?” Harry snaps. “He’s a grown man who knows his own heart. The heart you absolutely destroyed, by the way. How dare you push him away like that! How could you?”

“You did once,” Eggsy says, and regrets the words immediately.

“You’re right, I did. And it was the biggest mistake I ever made. Such a horrible mistake that I still managed to kick myself about it decades later while out of my mind with a head injury. It’s a mistake I cannot fix, except by being his friend when he needs me. Of all people, I know that feeling of regret, and I’m hoping you’re not really that foolish.”

“You two looked so happy together,” Eggsy says quietly.

“I believe we were both recuperating from amazing orgasms, so I would hope we looked happy,” Harry says. “I thought we talked about all that, the idea of the three of us in bed. You promised that it wouldn’t change anything, that it wouldn’t harm anyone.”

“I didn’t think it would, until I saw ya…” Eggsy’s lips start to tremble.

“Look at me,” Harry says softly. “I’m a bitter old man, tired and lonely. I fell into bed with my two best friends to alleviate that loneliness, even for a little while. I welcomed the warmth and comfort, but only because I was assured that I would not hurt them in any way. Do you really want to turn out like me, Eggsy? Desperate and alone, hiding behind a façade?”

“You are kinda badass sometimes,” Eggsy points out.

“Well, yes, that’s true.” Harry tugs at his cuffs and straightens his tie. “But that is beside the point. Merlin loves you and only you, Eggsy. He and I are friends and that’s all we’ll ever be. I do not love him in that manner and will never love him that way.”

“Har…I mean, Galahad…”

“Call me Harry,” he says with a sigh. “He thinks you reinitiated your relationship with Tilde.”

“He what?” Eggsy gasps, knees going week.

“You snuck away to her after leaving him a note stating you thought he should be with me. You didn’t come back. Why wouldn’t he think that?”

“I…oh God.” Eggsy slowly slides to the floor. “What have I done?”

“You’ve destroyed him, like I said. He doesn’t eat, rarely sleeps. He’s lost at least a stone, probably a little more.”

“In three weeks?”

“Yes.”

“Over me?” Eggsy buries his face in his hand. “I thought I was doin’ the right thing.”

“You were not,” Harry says simply and Eggsy makes a face at him.

“Thanks fer tha support, bruv.”

“For future reference, Eggsy, the right thing to do is COMMUNICATE. Always. Trust me on this,” Harry says with a sigh. He reaches up and taps at his glasses. “Merlin? I have a bit of an emergency in my office.”

“Wait! Harry! NO!” Eggsy hisses, horrified.

“Yes, I know, but there’s smoke. Coming out of my computer. Is it bad that I spilled my tea on it?” Harry smiles sweetly at Eggsy, who gives him an obscene finger gesture. “I know you have people who can help me, but it’s a bit embarrassing, isn’t it? Yes. I give you permission to yell at me all you’d like.” He taps his glasses again and motions at Eggsy. “Get up.”

“Harry…”

“Now. Need I tell you how disappointed I am in you?” Harry asks, and Eggsy’s stomach turns. “Start making it right.” He holds out his hand and helps Eggsy to his feet. “My dear boy,” he says softly. “My dear foolish Eggsy.” He hugs him and releases him. “Now…down to my office, if you will.”

 

Merlin swears a blue streak as he hurries down the hall to Harry’s office. Really, Hart. Tea on your computer? Is this your first day with technology?

“Galahad, by all that’s holy, I will kill you and no one will ever find the body,” Merlin growls as he bursts through the door of Harry’s office. Harry’s office chair is empty. His sofa is not. Eggsy slowly stands up and Merlin forgets to breathe. “Eggsy?”

“Merlin.” Eggsy’s eyes widen and his mouth falls open. “Jesus Christ, Merlin, ‘arry weren’t lyin’. Ya look like…what happened to ya? Is that a beard? Roxy said you was fine!”

“Yes. It is.” Merlin automatically reaches up to rub it. He knows it’s no longer as dark as it would have been the last time he grew a beard, but he hasn’t had a reason to care. He knows there’s streaks of grey in it as well as in the hair that he’s allowed to grow back on his head.

“My God.” Tears fill Eggsy’s eyes. “I…”

“So, I suppose you’re the computer emergency?” Eggsy shrugs. “I don’t have time for this. Welcome back, Gawain.” Merlin turns and heads for the door, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach.

“Calum.” Eggsy’s voice is hoarse and choked, as if he can barely breathe around the words. “Please. Don’t go.”

“Why shouldn’t I?” Merlin slowly turns around. “You did.”

Eggsy winces. “I did. Because I was stupid.”

“I’m glad you admit it.”

“I was stupid, because I thought ya wanted more than me. I didn’t let ya make yer own choices an’ I made ‘em for ya. I was stupid, because I walked away from tha best thing I ever had, over stupid jealousy and low self-esteem. I was stupid, because I didn’t talk to ya.”

“You went back to her.” Merlin has to say it. He can’t help it. “You left me to Harry and went back to her. You told me you loved me and you went back to her.”

“No, I didn’t,” Eggsy insists. “I mean, I did tell you I loved you, and that was true. And I left ya to Harry…okay, yeah, that was true. But I never went back to her. I hid with her. It was the one place I knew you wouldn’t come to find me.”

“Harry tried to get me to come, but I refused,” Merlin says.

“Oh,” Eggsy replies, his face falling. “I understand, I guess. So, yeah. This was his dumb idea, so, I’ll go.” He wipes at his eyes. 

“I didn’t come because I wouldn’t be able to handle you rejecting me,” Merlin tells him. “I was afraid. I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t see you with her.”

“It weren’t why I went there, swear down,” Eggsy insists. “I’ll be honest. We kissed once. Like seriously kissed. An’ she tried ta move it further, an’ I almost went along with it. Was hurtin’ an’ scared an’ I let it start…but then I realized it was wrong. Weren’t what I wanted and it weren’t right for her. I stopped it. Promise.”

“I propositioned Harry the night you left,” Merlin whispers. “I was lonely and hurting as well…but he set me straight.” They stare at each other for a moment. “Eggsy, I need to know what you want. Because I cannot do this again. The next time you’re feeling bad about yourself and decide I deserve someone better…I just can’t do it. I can’t deal with you abandoning me.”

“Didn’t think I was abandoning you, babe. Thought I was givin’ ya what ya wanted,” Eggsy whispers, a tear rolling down his cheek. “Would never abandon ya, never leave ya like that.”

“But you DID.” Merlin forces himself to remain calm, although that tear is almost killing him. 

“I’ll never do it again, I swear,” Eggsy says. “I won’t. I’ll talk ta ya anytime I feel like somethin’s up. I’ll explain, an’ you can set me straight, cuz yer smart an’ brilliant an’ not an idiot like me.”

“You’re not an idiot. Well, not most of the time,” Merlin says. His voice trembles a bit. “Who do you want me to be with, Eggsy?”

“Me,” Eggsy almost sobs. “Ya belong with me. Yer mine, Calum. Was stupid to think you belonged ta anyone else. An’ if ya forgive me, I will never let ya forget how much ya mean ta me. Won’t ever do this again. Need ya so much. Love ya so much. Don’t deserve yer forgiveness, but if ya can find it in ya, I’ll spend forever makin’ it up to ya.” 

Merlin can’t take it anymore. He walks over to Eggsy and wraps him in his arms. “I believe you, lad.”

“Oh, Calum.” Eggsy buries his face in Merlin’s chest. “So sorry. So fuckin’ sorry. Told ya I wasn’t good enough fer ya…here’s yer proof.”

“You are the only one for me, my Eggsy.” Merlin puts his face in Eggsy’s hair and inhales, sighing. “I love you. I forgive you.”

“Don’t deserve you,” Eggsy says into Merlin’s jumper. “I love you, too. So much.”

Merlin pulls back to look at him. “No one else in our bed, Eggsy. We cannot do that again.”

“Never,” Eggsy vows. “Don’t want no one but you, babe.”

“I love you.” Merlin kisses him and feels his world slowly start to tilt back on its axis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything - Michael Buble


	14. Sweet Creature

_Sweet creature/Had another talk about where it’s going wrong/We don’t know where we’re going but we know where we belong_

 

Harry sits at the table, holding a tumbler of whisky and watching the brown liquid swirl in the glass. He hasn’t heard from Merlin, which means one of two things. Either he and Eggsy have talked and made up, or Merlin’s so furious with Harry that he can’t bear to speak to him.

He puts the glass down and massages the skin around his robotic eye. He’s been having a lot more headaches over the past few weeks, and he knows it’s because of worrying about Merlin and his relationship. Harry knew better than to allow himself to be gently tugged into their bed. He loved them both, cared about them both. He cared about them as family and, he has to admit, he cares for them both as a little more than family.

Harry’s own family wasn’t exactly what he’d call supportive. He had one older brother and they’d both been raised by the staff. His father was a minor peer, nothing that Harry missed not inheriting as the second son. His brother married a beautiful woman, the daughter of an earl, and they had two perfect children that Harry never saw. His father died when Harry was in his teens, and it was then that his godfather had stepped in to help his mother manage things. The godfather who said he understood when Harry told him he was gay…when Harry’s own family shunned him for the revelation. His godfather, the criminal.

Eggsy was beaten and abused and meant to feel that he was nothing. No one laid a finger on Harry…in hatred or in love. Merlin was ignored and made to think that he didn’t matter. Harry was ignored because no one could be bothered to get to know him. He knew he was lucky, compared to his friends. He’d always had the means to escape his cold and lonely life whenever he was ready. And he’d escaped at the first opportunity.

He’d been introduced to Kingsman and found his home. He also found his family. He’d fallen hard for Merlin but had been too emotionally withdrawn to actually tell him. He’d watched Merlin fall in love with Eggsy, and he was happy for his friend. He’d fallen in love with Eggsy a little as well…who wouldn’t? He shouldn’t have gone to bed with them. He should have known better. He knew he could hide his feelings, push them down so that no one ever saw them, but his friends were absolutely incapable of doing the same. Merlin had years of emptiness to fill, and Eggsy…no one could ever accuse him of having a poker face.

He finally stood up and finished his drink. Time to face the music.

 

Harry stands outside his own office door, ear to the door’s surface. He doesn’t hear anything, which is probably good. Or it could be bad. Perhaps Eggsy is dead on the floor, Merlin standing over his body holding a pen or some other ridiculous object he’d use to kill him. Harry hopes not. He likes the carpet in his office and doesn’t want it covered in blood.

He slowly and quietly turns the knob and inches the door open. When he has enough room he pokes his head in. No one’s on the floor, no blood on his carpet. Excellent. Merlin is seated on the sofa, not looking at all homicidal. Eggsy is perched on his lap, head on Merlin’s shoulder as Merlin talks softly to him, not looking at all dead. Eggsy looks devastated, but at least they’re talking.

“We’ll work it out, lad. We’ll talk. It’s not over for us,” he hears Merlin say, and Eggsy slowly nods. They look up at the same time and see Harry at the door. 

“May I reenter my office?” Harry asks.

“You’re the one that sent us here,” Merlin points out. Harry comes in and closes the door. Eggsy stands and wipes his face.

“Are you all right?” Harry asks quietly. He doesn’t like seeing Eggsy cry.

“M’fine. Don’t know why Merlin’s stupid enough ta take me back. Thought he was a fuckin’ genius.”

“We aren’t going there again,” Merlin says firmly.

“You meant well, my boy,” Harry points out. “You never intended to hurt anyone.”

“I most definitely didn’t,” Eggsy agrees.

“May I?” Harry holds out his arms to Eggsy but looks at Merlin. Merlin nods.

“Course.” Eggsy allows Harry to hug him. “Fuckin’ sorry, Haz. Didn’t mean ta cause all this drama.”

“I apparently am a bad influence when it comes to dramatics,” Harry says lightly, and Merlin snorts. “We all made a mistake, I believe. It won’t happen again.”

“No, it won’t.” Merlin waits and hugs Harry when Eggsy releases him. “Although I’m bloody furious with you, Harry. How could you let me grow a beard?”

“Like I could stop you. I couldn’t even get you to eat.”

“I hate that I can put my arms around you this easily, babe.” Eggsy wraps himself around Merlin. “We should go home…get ya cleaned up an’ fed.”

“That sounds lovely,” Merlin sighs. “But I need to…”

“I’ll talk with Arthur and your employees,” Harry tells him. “Go home. You two need some time together.”

“I am really sorry, ‘arry,” Eggsy says sorrowfully.

Harry slowly leans in and kisses Eggsy’s forehead. “Over and done. Already forgotten.”

 

Eggsy lets them into the house and leans against the wall as Merlin locks the door. “I really missed being here…being home.”

“I missed having you here.” Merlin kisses him on the cheek. “How about some tea?”

“That sounds incredible.” Eggsy follows Merlin to the kitchen.

“So, how is the princess?” Merlin asks as he putters around the room.

Eggsy sighs and falls into a chair. He hates the awkwardness between them. He hates it even more because it’s his fault. “Fuckin’ aces, of course. Didn’t bat an eye when I showed up at her door. Woulda let me stay there as long as I wanted.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you have a friend like that.” Merlin busies himself with the tea but Eggsy can see the slump of his shoulders.

“She’s only a friend, Calum, ya know that, right? Please believe me,” Eggsy begs. “Just thought I’d crash there a day or two…didn’t even sleep in tha bed with her, swear down. Was on the sofa every night. Most comfortable sofa I’ve ever slept on, ta be honest with ya, an’ I’ve crashed on a lotta sofas.”

Merlin brings the tea to the table and sits down. “Harry stayed the first night. He slept on the sofa as well because I was in the guest room.”

“The guest room?”

“Yes.” Merlin studies his tea. “I couldn’t bear to be in our bed without you, lad.”

“Fuck.” Eggsy looks at his tea as well and curses the tears that come to his eyes. “I don’t deserve ya, Calum. Don’t deserve yer love or yer forgiveness.”

“Well, you have both, so unfortunately you must learn to deal with it.” Merlin reaches over and takes Eggsy’s hand. “We cannot wallow in this, my Eggsy. We must move on.”

“Can you trust me?” Eggsy asks, his heart in his throat.

“I’m going to do my best to try,” Merlin says. “I’m going to trust that you are able to communicate with me and tell me when you’re worried or feel threatened.”

“Right.” Eggsy nods. “Ya look like hell, Calum.”

“Thank you,” Merlin says, blinking. Eggsy smiles. 

“Why don’t we take our tea upstairs an’ you can shower an’ shave. Almost don’t recognize ya.”

“That sounds lovely.” Merlin hesitates. “I don’t…I don’t know that I can…”

“I just want ta crawl into bed and cuddle with ya, babe,” Eggsy says. “Just want ta be next to ya.”

“That sounds wonderful. But I want you in the bath with me.”

“Calum…”

“Please.”

Eggsy follows Merlin upstairs, sipping at his tea as they go. They undress and step into the shower, Eggsy’s hands itching to touch Merlin’s skin. He’s missed him so much, but he realizes and understands how much he’s hurt him. When Eggsy steps under the water, strong hands start to wash his back and he sighs. “Mmm, feels good.”

“I love your body, Eggsy. I cannot believe that I have the privilege of touching it.”

“No one else but you, Calum, ever again.”

Merlin presses up against him from behind and Eggsy leans back. He can feel Merlin against him and he’s not hard. Eggsy still wiggles a bit out of habit. “Such a beautiful boy.” Merlin kisses behind his ear.

They get out of the shower and wrap up in their dressing gowns. Eggsy sits on the closed toilet to finish his tea while Merlin shaves at the sink. Merlin fills him in on what he’s missed at HQ and Eggsy realizes he’s ready to get back to work. 

“There. How’s that?” Merlin pats his face dry and turns to look at Eggsy. 

“I know that face.” Eggsy reaches up to put his hands on Merlin’s smooth cheeks. “That’s the man I love.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Merlin says with a small smile.

“In bed, do you want me to…I can put on pants,” Eggsy says timidly. “Whatever ya want.”

“Just you. I don’t care how I get you.”

Eggsy goes into the bedroom, hangs up the dressing gown, and crawls into his side of the bed. It feels so much like home that he aches. Merlin comes in to join him, immediately pulling Eggsy against him once he’s under the covers. “Thank you for taking me back, Calum. This…I missed this, missed you.” He ignores how much weight Merlin’s lost, focusing on the feeling of Merlin’s skin under his hands.

“I’m always going to be here for you, lad.” Merlin kisses him and Eggsy can’t help it. Tears stream down his cheeks and he buries his face in Merlin’s chest. “Shush, Eggsy, it’s all right.”

“Love you,” Eggsy whispers. He kisses Merlin’s chest, relaxing for the first time in weeks.

 

_Sweet creature sweet creature/When I run out of road you bring me home_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet Creature - Harry Styles


	15. Marry Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for tagging along on this little experiment of mine.

_Forever can never be long enough for me to feel like I’ve had long enough with you/forget the world now we won’t let them see/but there’s one thing left to do/now that the weight has lifted/love has surely shifted my way_

 

They promise to work on things, and they do, but Eggsy still feels awkward around Merlin. He knows Merlin loves him, knows that their relationship is back on track, but he still can’t get over the feeling that Merlin won’t love him the same way. He’s been back for two weeks, and while they sleep together and kiss each other hello and goodbye, they haven’t done anything more.

Eggsy is petrified.

He finally decides to ask Harry. Harry was there when Eggsy was not, and he knows he’ll get a more honest answer from Harry than from Merlin. Merlin just continues to try and soothe Eggsy, to make sure Eggsy knows how much Merlin loves him. But that’s not what he needs. 

“Galahad, might I have a moment?” Eggsy pokes his head into Harry’s office, keeping things formal in case he’s not alone.

“Of course, Gawain. Do come in. Tea?”

“Stay seated, ‘arry, I’ll get it.” Eggsy prepares the tea and hands a cup to Harry. Harry motions to an empty chair and Eggsy sits. “Thanks.”

“What can I do for you?” Harry asks.

Eggsy takes his time trying to find the right words. “Well…see…okay. Let me…fuck.” He runs a hand through his hair in frustration.

“Well. That was enlightening.” Harry smiles at him. 

“It’s Calum,” he finally blurts out. “Don’t know what ta do, ‘arry. I love him so fuckin’ much, an’ I know he loves me, but…it’s like there’s still a wall an’ I don’t know what ta do ta get over it.”

“A wall,” Harry says slowly. Eggsy nods and waits for Harry to tell him what to do. Because Harry always tells him what to do and it usually ends fairly well. “Which you’ve put up.”

Eggsy blinks at him. “What?”

“What kind of wall?”

“Well…” Eggsy decides to simply go for it. “We ain’t fucked since I left. We hug an’ kiss an’ cuddle. But we ain’t done anything more, an’ I miss that. An’ I’m thinkin’ that…”

“There’s your problem, my boy. You’re thinking. Far too hard, it sounds like.”

“Well, what if he don’t want me that way anymore? I left him. He used the word ABANDONED, ‘arry. Maybe he’s scared that…”

“Maybe he’s letting you make the first move. Maybe he doesn’t want you thinking it’s all he wants from you. Maybe you’re being an idiot.” Harry glares at him over his tea. “Have you TALKED about it? I thought we discussed the importance of communication.”

“We did, an’ I know it’s important, but…what if he DON’T want me anymore?”

“Then I’ll know he’s officially dead. He’s probably wondering why you haven’t made a move. Perhaps he has his reasons for not instigating things. Do you want me to talk to him?”

“NO. Fuck, no. I’ll…I’ll do it.” Eggsy puts his untouched cup down. “Thanks…I think.”

“Eggsy, Calum loves you so very much. I’m sure it’s killing him not to touch you. Just…make it happen.”

“Yeah,” Eggsy says faintly. 

 

“This was excellent, Eggsy. Thank you for making dinner.” Merlin stands up from the table and starts to rinse dishes in the sink. “I’m definitely back to my normal weight now, the way you cook.”

“Yer perfect no matter what. Fit as fuck.” Eggsy wraps his arms around Merlin, pressing his face to Merlin’s back. Merlin smiles. He loves how affectionate Eggsy is, although he’s been antsy and nervous since his return. He hasn’t wanted to push things, but he is a little concerned that they haven’t connected in a physical way. He wants Eggsy to come to him, wants him to make the first move…but perhaps that wasn’t the wisest idea.

“I hope you always think so.”

“Calum!” Eggsy turns Merlin around, a reproachful look on his face. “I will always think that. Yer gorgeous. Beautiful eyes, fit body, handsome face. Even when yer eighty an’ I’m pushin’ ya around in a wheelchair, ain’t no one that’s ever gonna catch my eye but you.”

“I was afraid you wouldn’t think that way anymore.” Merlin takes Eggsy’s hands in his. “You haven’t tried…”

“I was afraid,” Eggsy blurts out. Merlin blinks at him. “Was afraid you’d think that’s tha only reason I came back to ya. An’ I know it was stupid, but there it is. Want you so bad, Calum, love ya so fuckin’ much.”

“Oh, my Eggsy.” Merlin tenderly kisses his boy. “I’m sorry. I suppose I was waiting for you to make the first move…I guess it was selfish of me. I guess I felt it would show that you still wanted me, if you were the one to instigate things. I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I know it’s not the only reason why you came back. You’re beautiful and sexy…people would line up to fall into your bed.”

“Not all that,” Eggsy mutters, a bit of a pink tinge to his cheeks. “Can I be honest with ya about somethin’, Calum?”

“Of course.”

“The night I left, tha last night with ‘arry…I went to a club. Was drinkin’…got drunk pretty quick. Cute girl started talkin’ me up, introduced me to her husband…they wanted ta take me home with them.”

“I see,” Merlin says slowly, his stomach churning.

“Like I said, I was pretty drunk…but I guess they do that a lot an’ take turns with who gets their conquest fer tha night. I was gonna be his.” Eggsy shakes his head. “But I didn’t. She kissed me, he kissed me, but I didn’t go. Didn’t make it outta tha parkin’ lot. Knew it weren’t right, even if I was leavin’ ya ta ‘arry.” Eggsy sighs. “But I wanted ta be honest with ya. Didn’t go to tha club lookin’ fer that, swear down.”

“See?” Merlin runs his hand through Eggsy’s hair. “I told you that people want you in their bed. You were gone probably twenty minutes and someone tried to pick you up.” He slowly tilts Eggsy’s chin until he looks him in the eye. “Only one solution. When you’re not on a mission, you’re never leaving my sight.”

“Agreed.” Eggsy wraps his arms around Merlin and kisses him. “Take me ta bed, Calum, please? Need ya so much.”

“Yes, my Eggsy.”

Merlin leads him up to their bedroom, slowly undresses him, and then undresses himself. He lowers Eggsy onto the bed and slowly tears him apart. He takes what seems like hours to kiss and touch and taste every inch of Eggsy’s body, and when he finally slides inside, Eggsy’s whimpering and begging. It’s the most amazing lovemaking Merlin’s ever experienced, and there are actually tears in Eggsy’s eyes when he finally comes.

“Love ya so much, Calum,” Eggsy says sleepily once they’re cleaned up and tucked in bed. “Want what ya said…don’t ever wanna be out of yer sight again. Always yours.”

“Always, my Eggsy,” Merlin says, deep in thought. He kisses Eggsy’s forehead and smiles as Eggsy quickly starts snoring against his chest.

 

“I need a favor.” Merlin enters Harry’s office without knocking.

“Of course, Merlin. I am a knight, after all. I live to serve. And I most definitely have absolutely nothing else to do today.” Harry rolls his good eye.

“Sarcasm does not become you.” Merlin sits down. “I’m being serious, Harry.”

Harry takes a good look at him. “Is everything all right?”

“Yes. Better than ever, actually. It’s something I want to do for Eggsy.”

“Name it.”

“I want to propose to him and I need to find the right way to do it.”

“Well.” Harry swallows hard. “I must admit, I wasn’t expecting THAT.”

Merlin studies him. “Talk to me, Harry.”

“That’s wonderful. Congratulations,” Harry says sincerely. He’s not sure why he feels a sudden hole in his heart.

“Harry Hart.”

“I am happy for you, Calum. I mean that. I just…I suppose I’m a bit envious. You have something I don’t think I’ll ever find. But the two of you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I’m glad you found it with each other. I mean that.”

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Merlin says gently. “Look, it’s fine. You don’t need to…”

“No.” Harry shakes his head, and slowly shoves that hole somewhere he can never find it again. “I want to help.”

 

“Isn’t there someone else who could be doing this?” Eggsy asks as he drives to the warehouse district. “I mean, I’m not good at this sort of thing.”

“Precisely why you need to be doing it,” Harry says in his ear. “We won’t be here forever. You need to learn to take care of this sort of thing. We’ll start explosives training when you return.”

“You might not be here forever, Galahad, but I plan on sticking around for a good long time,” Merlin says.

“Fuckin’ right, yer stickin’ around,” Eggsy says. He smiles, thinking of Merlin and Harry sitting side by side running his mission. He’s headed to a warehouse known for housing large amounts of explosives. They’ve not had enough evidence to warrant investigation until now. Harry’d brought the information to Merlin, so Harry was helping to run the mission. “Parking down tha block now.”

Eggsy gets out of the car and slowly makes his way up the alley to the warehouse in question. The door is locked by an alarm system that he quickly disables. “Good work, Gawain,” Harry says, and Eggsy blushes. He still blushes whenever Harry compliments him in the field. Merlin thinks it’s adorable. Eggsy thinks it’s embarrassing.

“Ya catchin’ this, Merlin?” Eggsy murmurs. “Don’t look like there’s much here.”

“Affirmative,” Merlin says. “Carry on.”

Eggsy stealthily makes his way down the stairs and onto the main floor of the warehouse. The floor is completely empty, save for a large box on an old table in the center of the room. “Merlin?”

“I’m scanning through your glasses, Gawain. I don’t see any sign of explosive materials, but you should probably get closer.”

“If you say so, guv.” Eggsy creeps closer, making sure he’s alone before venturing onto the open warehouse floor. “It’s…it’s gift-wrapped.” He stares at the box.

“Interesting,” Harry comments. “Move in.”

“Galahad...”

“Move in, Gawain. That’s an order.”

Eggsy sighs and keeps his gun at his side as he approaches the box. “What the fuck?”

“Open it,” Harry tells him.

Eggsy puts his gun down on the table and opens the box. “A smaller box.”

“Open it.”

He opens three more boxes in succession, getting more and more confused. The smallest box fits in the palm of his hand. “Galahad,” he says slowly. “This box has my name on it.”

“You must be mistaken,” Harry says.

“I think I can read E-G-G-S-Y, Galahad,” Eggsy almost snarls.

“Perhaps the box is for you, then.” Merlin’s voice isn’t in his ear. It’s coming from behind him. 

Eggsy whirls around to see Merlin slowly walking across the warehouse floor. He’s wearing a beautiful dark blue suit and Eggsy thinks he’s never looked so handsome. “Merlin?”

“Disengaging all coms and recording devices now,” Harry says in his ear.

“Why don’t you open it?” Merlin asks.

Eggsy’s hands shake as he picks the box up and looks at it. “Open it?”

“I assure you it’s not a bomb of any sort.”

Eggsy opens the box and gasps. Inside is a beautiful gold and black ring with a twinkling tiny diamond in the middle. “Calum…”

Merlin gracefully falls to one knee before him, taking the box from Eggsy’s hands. “Eggsy, you have brought me something I never thought I’d find…pure and unconditional love. You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me angry, you make me scream with ecstasy. I was told long ago that I’d find love in the most unexpected of places, but finding it in you has been a dream come true for me. I want you to know how much I love you, and that I want to spend all of my remaining years on this planet telling you how happy I am to have you in my life. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

“Fuck, Calum,” Eggsy sniffles, wiping at his face. “Yes. Always yes.”

Merlin jumps to his feet, sweeps Eggsy into his arms, and kisses him. “I love you.”

“God, I love you too.”

_Promise me you’ll always be happy by my side/I promise to sing to you when all the music dies_

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marry Me - Train


End file.
